A Smart Girl's Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Nancy Holyoke

band is so lame,” and the other girls agree. You say, “I love that band.” The others . . .

      a. ask what you like about it.

      b. laugh and say you have no taste.

      2. You and Sarah have been having a blast in science, so you invite her to sit with you and your friends at lunch. Your friends . . .

      a. talk and laugh with you and Sarah, just like normal.

      b. act like a cat left a dead mouse at their door.

      3. Layla and Jessica got in a fight over Gavin, and your friends all think it was Layla’s fault. It goes without saying that . . .

      a. how you behave with Layla is your own business.

      b. you’ll ignore Layla in the hall.

      4. Destiny tells Camilla, “If you don’t come to the show, you’re not our friend anymore.” The others say . . .

      a. “Come off it, Destiny.”

      b. “And we want the friendship bracelet back, too!”

      5. When your friends look out across the lunchroom, they see . . .

      a. other kids.

      b. snobs, losers, dorks, and jerks.

       Answers

      The rules for these two types of groups are pretty clear:

       “a” rules

      We have our own opinions.

       Our motto is: Welcome.

       Threats are not cool.

       We’re like everyone else.

       Difference is fine.

       “b” rules

      We think alike.

       Our motto is: Keep out!

       Break a rule, you get punished.

       We’re better than everyone else.

       If you’re different, we laugh.

      If you checked all a’s, your group doesn’t have membership dues.

       Friendship is freely given because you all like one another. Each girl feels

       like she can be herself.

      If you checked mostly b’s, a girl gives a lot to belong to your group.

       Your days are shaped by your friends’ expectations. You can’t express

       yourself without getting criticized. You can’t make new friends freely.

       Worse, you’re learning to treat kids outside the group as if they’re worth

       less than you are. It’s a high price to pay for friendships that don’t make

       you feel good.

       bffs

      Of course, not all friends are created equal. In a larger group of friends,

       some girls are closer than others. That may create some tension.

       At my school there is a lot of drama about who is whose best friend. —Ella

       My two besties don’t like each other. They are fighting over me like two dogs over a bone.

       —Frustrated Friend

       I have two best friends. They like me, but they tell each other secrets they don’t tell me. —Lydia