A Smart Girl's Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Nancy Holyoke

       Girls love drama. They need the attention. That’s just how we are.

      But it’s not inevitable.

       Girls like you can

       rewrite the script.

       I don’t need a lot of drama. I can make different choices. I can rewrite the script.

       I know that other kids are like me. Everybody wants to fit in some- where. Everybody’s trying hard to be liked and to figure out what sort of person she wants to be.

       I have strong feelings, just like most kids. My feelings aren’t good or bad. They just are. I feel them. I’m not going to pretend I don’t. But I can control what I do with them. They don’t control me.

       I believe in doing what’s right. I’m going to make mistakes. Everybody does. But I will never stop trying to be a decent person. I’m going to grow up liking myself.

       among friends

       My friends and I fight over some pretty stupid things. It tears us apart for a while, and then we get back together. —Eva

      Drama can be a little fun to watch, I admit. But it is not fun when you are in the drama, because it can break friendships apart. —No Drama Queen

      The drama I see has to do with friends constantly changing friends. —Julia

       Middle school is really harsh. People are all in a hierarchy. It makes being friends hard. Right now, my closest friends are not acting like friends. I have other friends, in different groups, but those groups are higher or lower in the hierarchy, so it would be hard for us to hang out without somebody looking bad. It’s all so confusing. —Sofia

       Dramas tend to be based on one thing: exclusion. —Haley

       My friends get in fights a lot. They always make up, but I wish they weren’t such drama queens. —Dana

       “sit with us”

      You walk into the lunchroom and head straight toward them: your friends.

       Call them a group, but to you they’re more like a family. It’s where you

       belong. They listen when you talk. They care how you feel. You can hang

       out and be goofy together. You can share secrets. When you’re with your

       friends, you matter. You’re special. You’re accepted. (They’re also what

       stands between you and being alone in that lunchroom.)

       I have absolutely the most gorgeous, nice, caring friends in the world. I can trust them, and they can trust me. —Isabel

       Our friendship is like a triple- knotted shoelace. Not even the strongest person can untie it. —Madeline and Gabriella

       My friends and I never stay in a fight for long, and eventually we walk off happy. That’s how I know we are true friends. —Abigail

       I’ve found friends who are 100% sincerely nice and who like me for who I am. —Julia

       We’re accepting, and we just like to be with each other. We help each other out and don’t let rifts get in the way of being friends. We are who we are, and we’re fine with that. —MT

       us and them

      All groups have a way of thinking about themselves. It comes partly from

       the kids in the group—what they share, how they see themselves, and

       how they’d like to be seen. It comes partly from how kids outside the

       group see it. Usually there are lots of labels floating around, like “geeks,”

       “brainiacs,” “jocks,” and of course, “popular.”

      However that works, everybody has a pretty good sense of where every-

       body fits, and friends often find ways to celebrate their friendship—and

       show their loyalty.

      It’s natural to like the things your friends like.

       If everybody in your group wears daisy clogs,

       you may decide to start wearing daisy clogs,

       too. If your friends have pierced ears, you may

       want to pierce yours, too. That’s OK, so long

       as you really want to wear daisy clogs and

       have your ears pierced.

      But what if you don’t?

      What if all your friends wear black

       and you show up in plaid? If you

       stop listening to country and

       start liking indie? If you start

       spending time with a girl outside

       your group?

      Some groups are relaxed. Being

       friends doesn’t involve a lot of dos

       and don’ts. Friends don’t spend time

       examining what other friends wear or

       do or say. They don’t question one

       another’s loyalty. They also aren’t hung

       up on disliking kids in other groups or

       excluding people. Girls have friends in

       and outside the group, and that’s fine.

       Kids do pretty much what they like

       to do.

      But other groups are strict. People are

       really critical. Friends tell friends how

       to dress and what to think, who’s OK

       to talk to and who isn’t. There’s always

       a right way and a wrong way, and the

       group decides which is which. People

       ridicule kids outside the group, and

       nobody feels safe inside. A girl feels

       she’s one mistake away from getting

       kicked out.

       Sometimes a girl falls in with a group without knowing what she’s signed on for.