A Smart Girl's Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Nancy Holyoke

from the mirror.

       You may have days when you walk around all day afraid of the moment

       someone points a finger at a flaw you’re trying to hide. School feels

       different. You don’t want to stick out. You try hard not to make mistakes

       and to save face when you do.

      Along the way, you may start feeling like “you” is just a part you’re playing.

       You’re changing so fast. Who can tell who you are anymore, anyway?

       experiments

      Who are you? How do you fit in? Who do you want to be? Now that

       your body is reinventing itself, you may think it’s a great chance to

       reinvent yourself in other ways, too.

      In some ways, it’s all a big experiment. Does this shirt seem like you?

       What music do you want to hear? Do you really want to move up in

       soccer, or would you rather switch it up and play more tennis? A few

       years ago, your parents would have made a lot of these decisions.

       Now they’re up to you.

      You can also try on some of those strange feelings knocking around

       inside your chest and see how they fit. What’s it like to get mad?

       What’s it like to be romantic? How does it feel to cry? Just what are

       all these different feelings really about?

      Of course, everyone around you is struggling with the same feelings

       and changes that you are. Friendships are shifting constantly, and

       you’re all keeping track of the results.

      Is Chloe getting popular? Is Maddy going Goth? Is Leah sitting with

       the nerds? And what about you? Do you want to hang out with your

       new pals from band or the friends you’ve had since second grade? Do

       you feel closer to Maria or to Lamae? And does Lamae feel closer to

       you or to Josie?

      School is harder. Activities are intense. And your parents aren’t around

       the way they used to be to protect and guide you.

      Put it in a pot and turn the heat on high. What do you get?

       the problem

       with drama

       The drama between Zoey and Trinity has been going three days straight. It’s a full-time job keeping up. You finally managed to settle in to work on your presentation, but every time you get an idea, another text pings in.

      Drama is crisis. It asks all you can give and then some. You get less

       sleep at night and less done during the day, and the emotional

       ups and downs are exhausting. You could be learning to dance,

       working at a soup kitchen, or biking around the lake. Instead

       you’re caught up in a drama that you can’t really do much about

       and that doesn’t directly involve you.

       Bottom line: Drama can eat up your life.

       Yesterday you told Jaycee your secret. Now she’s told it to Taylor. Jaycee is evil. She’s ruined your whole life.

      When you’re in a drama, you’re so full of feelings—betrayal,

       fury, fear, sadness—that the world seems black and white.

       People and events seem either very, very right or very, very

       wrong. But in real life not every problem is a catastrophe,

       and a friend who’s made a mistake isn’t evil. When you have

       a problem with a friend, you need to think and plan in order

       to fix it. Does drama help? Just the opposite.

       Bottom line: Drama’s a warped view of the world.

       One minute you’re upset with your friend Ashley. The next you’re grounded for yelling at your little sister. Your brother calls you Hurricane Hannah, and in your heart of hearts you do feel sort of like a hurricane.

      Moods are hard to shake. If you’re mad, hurt, and anxious at

       school, chances are you’re going to be mad, hurt, and anxious

       when you walk in the door at home. Drama with friends can create

       drama at home, and drama at home can create drama with friends.

       Bottom line: Drama makes more drama.

       Last month, Sophia decided she didn’t like Amber and said you should stop liking Amber, too. Today Sophia said a bunch of bad stuff about Saskia. What if Sophia decides to stop liking Saskia?

      When kids create drama, other people get hurt. For some, the

       hurt is public and agonizing, but no one walks away free. In

       instances like this, a single girl can poison an entire group by

       creating an atmosphere of fear, jealousy, and shame. Friends

       who should be open and free with one another get guarded.

       There’s more plotting and planning. There’s less trust. There’s

       less truth. What you share becomes the exact opposite of what

       we all want from the word “friendship.”

       Bottom line: Drama hurts people and friendships.

       When you’re with your friends, you feel fake.

      It’s natural for a girl to try on different clothes, different ideas,

       and different ways of expressing herself. There’s a little bit of

       acting mixed up with all that, which is perfectly natural, too.

       It’s about discovering who you are and what kind of person you

       want to become. The problem is that most girls are nervous

       about what other people think. Drama expresses those fears.

       It also makes them bigger. Louder. Girls dealing with daily

       drama may end up worrying more about how they appear than how they truly are and what they truly feel. That can make a person feel hollow—and very lonely.

       Bottom line: A girl can get lost in drama.

       rewrite the script

      People may think drama is inevitable.

       Drama’s just a bunch of nonsense about nothing.