Intimacy & Diabetes. Janis Roszler

and Founder of the International Institute of Clinical Sexology

      President and Founder of the Therapist Certification Association

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      Could the love of someone truly amazing motivate you to build a monument that would be visited by millions? Could the pas-sion that you feel for an incredible man drive you to conquer countries? Great loves have existed from the beginning of time and still exist today. Since the beginning of time, people have connected sexually with one another, and these relationships have created some of the most romantic and exciting stories ever told. The stories retold throughout this chapter are a testament to the power and intensity of the human connection.

      In this chapter

      Examine two different types of intimacy.

      Identify intimacy problems that may develop with diabetes.

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      The Passion in Your Life

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      Types of Intimacy

      According to sex educator Marilyn Volker, EdD, there are eight types of intimacy couples can engage in to strengthen their connection with one another:

      Aesthetic: sharing something beautiful together, such as viewing an art exhibit museum or watching a sunrise

      Affection (nonsexual)

      Emotional: sharing feelings

      Intellectual: discussing interesting topics

      Physical (nonsexual)

      Sexual

      Social: going out together

      Spiritual: praying together or sharing spiritual ideas

      Three of these types, emotional, physical and sexual, played an enor-mous role in the lives of some of history’s greatest loves.

      Physical and Sexual Intimacy

      Physical and sexual intimacy is all about touch. It involves holding, ca-ressing, sexual attraction, and intimate actions. It is the subject of love songs, poems, and romantic stories. Physical intimacy is what many of us yearn for when we are alone and is what we feel when we connect with someone in a romantic way.

      We not only crave the touch of another human being because of the potential pleasure that it brings; the touch of others can help us survive. Research studies show that newborns need a loving touch to develop normally. Within the first few days after birth, infants who are held in their mother’s loving arms maintain a healthier body temperature than those who are left alone. Young children who are not held or hugged may be at a greater risk for developing body image problems, such as anorexia or bulimia, as they grow. And this need for physical intimacy does not diminish with time. In our golden years, the desire to be sexually active rarely wanes, as many seniors report that they still feel a deep longing for a sexual relationship that includes touching and kissing.

      1. The Passion in Your Life3

      Emotional Intimacy

      Emotional intimacy is what happens inside of our heads. It is the non-physical sharing of two people who care deeply about one another. You have emotional intimacy with another person when you feel confident that he or she accepts you for who you are. It develops when you and someone you love share experiences together. You know how your part-ner wants a morning cup of coffee and can anticipate how they will react to a situation before it happens. It is this bond that takes your partner-ship to a higher level.

      Many experts suggest that the brain is the sexiest organ of all. When an emotional connection develops between two individuals that is built on mutual respect and caring, the relationship becomes far more pre-cious. Physical intimacy is enjoyable on its own, but when combined with emotional intimacy, the passion that develops is special indeed.

      The Human Reaction

      When we fall in love, two chemicals are released—phenylethylamine (PEA) and norepinephrine. PEA is an amphetamine-like substance that

      Cleopatra VII, one of the most famous rulers of Egypt, lived a life that was filled with deep and intense sexual activity. As demanded by her position, she initially married her younger brother, Ptolemy, but later became the mistress of the Roman general Julius Caesar. Following Caesar’s death, she discovered her true love, Marc Antony, who arrived in Egypt to expand the ever-growing Roman Empire. Their affair was scandalous. Despite the protests and risks involved, Marc Antony and Cleo-patra married in 36 b.c. and plotted to conquer Rome and claim it as their own. But tragedy struck. Antony heard a false report that Cleopatra had died and fell upon his own sword to end his life. With her beloved Antony dead, Cleopatra took her life by coaxing a poisonous asp to bite her.

      Historic Romances: Cleopatra and Marc Antony

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      elevates our moods and helps create the falling-in-love feeling so many of us enjoy. One reason chocolate is such a sought-after delight is because it is a source of PEA. When we eat it, we experience a feeling that resem-bles this warm and wonderful emotion. Similarly, norepinephrine has the following effects:

      Elevates our blood pressure

      Raises heart rate

      Causes our palms to sweat

      Prompts us to intensely connect to the object of our attraction

      Think back to your first love. If you became tongue-tied, sweaty, and nervous, you felt this way because of the norepinephrine in your system. When Cupid’s arrow strikes and these chemicals are released, our bodies respond more intensely, especially if we are able to transform our attrac-tion into a physical relationship.

      Our bodies respond to sexual stimulation in different ways. The typical male sexual response involves a series of changes—excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. A stimulating touch, smell, vision, or thought prompts their brains to activate nerves that tell the tissues of the penis to relax. This process allows blood to flow into the penis, which be-comes erect. Stimulation causes the penis to contract and send semen out through the urethra, the tube that normally carries urine out from the body. The pleasurable sensation that is felt when this occurs is called an orgasm.

      The female response to sexual stimulation can be quite different. Un-like men, women don’t always feel sexually turned on when their bodies become aroused. Many find that it takes a while, sometimes after sex-ual activity has already started, to become “turned on.” Not all women need to have an orgasm to feel satisfied; the intimate connection they have with their partners fulfills their needs. To fully enjoy the sexual ex-perience, many women need to connect both mentally and physically with their partners. A woman’s orgasm will begin with an increase in her breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure, and blood will begin to flow to her pelvic area. Her skin will also start to flush. Tension will increase throughout her body until an orgasm finally occurs.

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      India’s stunningly beautiful Taj Mahal was built as a monument to memorialize the love that Emperor Shah Jahan had for his wife. Shah Jahan was born in 1592. At the young age of 14, he met Arjumand Banu Begum, the prime minister’s 15-year-old daughter, and was immediately smitten. He quickly ran off to purchase a diamond for the price of 10,000 rupees ($300) and announced his desire to take her as his wife. The couple married 5 years later. When he ascended to the throne in 1628, he included his wife in many legislative duties, and she accom-panied him on military campaigns and even advised him on affairs of state. He adored her and called her Mumtaz Mahal, the “jewel of the palace.” She was loved and admired by her people, was famous for her generosity, and was considered a woman of legendary beauty and virtue.

       But tragedy entered the lives of the two lovers when Mum-taz Mahal