Management Mess to Leadership Success. Scott Jeffrey Miller

compassion, and dedication, to name a few. But the one trait I believe Stone illustrates best is called “carry your own weather.” This idea deals with how reactive we can be to outside influences. Leaders who carry their own weather exercise emotional discipline and resist the temptation to allow external dramas to distract them.

      Who doesn’t struggle with this? I certainly do. Self-regulating your emotions is a key part of your EQ (emotional quotient), which manifests for most of us as our emotional maturity. As I look back at my professional career, I could sum up my progress best as “two steps forward, one step back.” It’s headed in the right direction, but the inputs—delivering on a business result (two steps forward)—compete against my choice of outputs: acting like a jackass later that day (one step back). My brand is high on outputs and high on offenses—never illegal, immoral, or unethical; just consistently reacting impulsively to something that, with a bit more self-control, wouldn’t have damaged my credibility or modeled bad behavior for others… or required an expandable folder to contain all my HR grievances.

      When we're triggered emotionally, it's easy to forget we have a choice as to how we will respond. Central to Habit 1: Be Proactive, from The 7 Habits, is the concept that between what happens to us and how we react exists a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.

      Beyond Stone, I know another person who exemplifies this concept better than anyone I’ve encountered. He happens to be Bob Whitman, Chairman and CEO of FranklinCovey. Now, I know what you’re thinking: This is my well-placed chance to suck up to the person reviewing both this book and my compensation plan. But you’d be mistaken if you thought I could influence any issue with him by writing a glowing (kiss-up) assessment of his leadership skills. Don’t I wish that were true. With a life full of tremendous success, Bob has also faced significant challenges. His ability to rise above such trials and model this principle makes his example even more noteworthy.

      I have spent thousands of hours in the CEO’s office. Bob always remains calm. He’s anchored like nobody I’ve met, even when presented with information that would throw me and most others completely sideways. Carrying your own weather doesn’t mean being devoid of emotion. Bob’s not robotic by any measure; he gets frustrated and irritated like all of us. However, he carries his own weather by intentionally managing his temperament. He’s hard to ruffle because he keeps his “emotional rudder” tightly aligned with the guiding values that make up his core belief system, and he never allows other people or situations to impact that alignment. Bob once told me that a real leader’s true mettle is demonstrated by how closely aligned they are on the outside with how they think and feel on the inside. Damn, that’s hard! I’d say that’s as close to complete emotional maturity and congruence as it gets.

      So let’s get real. Are there times when I wish Bob would celebrate more? Most definitely. Are there times when I can’t believe he doesn’t react more sternly to someone’s outrageous behavior? Yes, just not mine, please. He remains a superb example of carrying his own weather at all times, highs and lows.

      For the first fifteen years of my career, many of my FranklinCovey colleagues and I were personally tutored by Dr. Steven R. Covey. My learnings from him are incalculable, but his concept of a personal mission didn’t quite resonate with me—not at first. For a confirmed bachelor who ended up getting married in his forties, I had no clue what my life’s “mission” was. If you were to ask me about it at the time, I would have made up something as shallow as more trips to Italy, better pecs and washboard abs, and enjoying more champagne. I really had no idea what my mission was. And to be even more vulnerable, I’m not entirely sure at age 51 that I’ve fully uncovered it.

      And just so you don’t think I’m completely devoid of a conscience, I will say that, clearly, part of my mission is to be a good father to our three sons. Is that the heart of it, or is there something deeper? I’m not entirely sure, and I’m comfortable admitting that. Many of us wrestle with questions of mission, evidenced by the fact the Mission Statement Builder is the most frequented tool at FranklinCovey.com. (It is valued and adopted by millions.)

      After I spent over a decade unable to connect with the “personal mission statement” exercise, there came a pivotal point in my life: at a company conference, FranklinCovey cofounder Hyrum Smith spoke of the power of identifying and knowing one’s values. As he enumerated his own values, I became convinced that I would benefit from doing the same. If I wasn’t sure of my mission, I could at least be certain of my values. I dedicated a good deal of time to soul searching; I thought about the relationships in my life (both healthy and unhealthy), and took account of my mistakes, successes, and goals (both fulfilled and unfulfilled). As a result, I came up with seven personal values, which I then ranked by order of importance. I ended up with the acronym PHILPAL: Purpose, Health, Integrity, Loyalty, Positivity, Abundance, and Learning.

      The power of forming an acronym cannot be underestimated. Even eighteen years later, when asked what my values are, I can extemporaneously share them with conviction rather than conveniently making them up on the spot and having them change from situation to situation.

      Identifying your values and aligning your behaviors and emotional well-being with them serves as an unshakable standard against which you’ll be tested. When we’re triggered emotionally, it’s easy to forget we have a choice as to how we will respond. Central to Habit 1: Be Proactive®, from The 7 Habits, is the concept that between what happens to us and how we react exists a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. We all experience situations where it’s tempting to react quickly and without thought. This is where the choice of carrying your own weather manifests itself.

      To carry your own weather:

      •Define your personal and professional values (from which your behaviors will be exhibited in both good and rough weather).

      •When faced with a situation that threatens to hijack your emotions, stop. Take a breath and think carefully about the response you won’t have to apologize for and that leaves people whole.

      •Consciously calibrate your response to avoid a regretful revisit later. Recognize that most flash responses won’t represent how you feel an hour (let alone a day) later. Consider saying: “Could I have a few hours to think about my position so that it is congruent with what I am going to think and feel later on?”

      •Don’t allow highly emotional people to suck you into their vortex. Not every conversation necessitates an immediate response from you. Sometimes a simple “Thank you for sharing” is enough.

      When carrying your own weather, remember that you are your own meteorologist. If you don’t like the weather, change it.

      From Mess To Success:

      Carry Your Own Weather

      • Identify people or circumstances that cause you to react emotionally.

      • When these situations occur:

      1.Use the strategies listed on the previous page

      2.If you need more time to react to an emotional conversation or situation, take it. Go for a walk, or do whatever activity allows you to disengage from the emotions of the moment. Stop, think, and evaluate the situation or stimulus and the response that aligns with the true you, then proceed.

      3.If drafting a difficult or an emotional email response, don’t send it until you’ve reflected on the message at least twice. Consider sending it to yourself to reread and rewrite.

      • As your own meteorologist, write the day’s metaphorical forecast in your planning calendar. Be Proactive and purposeful about the weather you’re choosing to carry throughout the day.

Challenge 7

Inspire Trust

      Think of a person who had confidence in you and extended trust. Reflect