If Tomorrow Comes. Сидни Шелдон

mean –’ She whirled around the kitchen and started explaining Tracy’s duties to her. ‘You’ll have your meals with Amy. You can prepare breakfast for her and play with her in the morning. The cook will make lunch here. After lunch, Amy has a nap, and in the afternoon she likes walking around the grounds of the farm. I think it’s so good for a child to see growing things, don’t you?’

      ‘Yes.’

      The farm was on the other side of the main prison, and the twenty acres, planted with vegetables and fruit trees, were tended by trusties. There was a large artificial lake used for irrigation, surrounded by a stone wall that rose above it.

      The next five days were almost like a new life for Tracy. Under different circumstances, she would have enjoyed getting away from the bleak prison walls, free to walk around the farm and breathe the fresh country air, but all she could think about was escaping. When she was not on duty with Amy, she was required to report back to the prison. Each night Tracy was locked in her cell, but in the daytime she had the illusion of freedom. After breakfast in the prison kitchen, she walked over to the warden’s cottage and made breakfast for Amy. Tracy had learned a good deal about cooking from Charles, and she was tempted by the varieties of foodstuffs on the warden’s shelves, but Amy preferred a simple breakfast of oatmeal or cereal with fruit. Afterwards, Tracy would play games with the little girl or read to her. Without thinking, Tracy began teaching Amy the games her mother had played with her.

      Amy loved puppets. Tracy tried to copy Shari Lewis’s Lamb Chop for her from one of the warden’s old socks, but it turned out looking like a cross between a fox and a duck. ‘I think it’s beautiful,’ Amy said loyally.

      Tracy made the puppet speak with different accents: French, Italian, German, and the one Amy adored the most, Paulita’s Mexican lilt. Tracy would watch the pleasure on the child’s face and think, I won’t become involved. She’s just my means of getting out of this place.

      After Amy’s afternoon nap, the two of them would take long walks, and Tracy saw to it that they covered areas of the prison grounds she had not seen before. She carefully observed every exit and entrance and how the guard towers were manned and noted when the shifts changed. It became obvious to her that none of the escape plans she had discussed with Ernestine would work.

      ‘Has anyone ever tried to escape by hiding in one of the service trucks that deliver things to the prison? I’ve seen milk trucks and food –’

      ‘Forget it,’ Ernestine said flatly. ‘Every vehicle comin’ in and goin’ out of the gate is searched.’

      At breakfast one morning, Amy said, ‘I love you, Tracy. Will you be my mother?’

      The words sent a pang through Tracy. ‘One mother is enough. You don’t need two.’

      ‘Yes, I do. My friend Sally Ann’s father got married again, and Sally Ann has two mothers.’

      ‘You’re not Sally Ann,’ Tracy said curtly. ‘Finish your breakfast.’

      Amy was looking at her with hurt eyes. ‘I’m not hungry any more.’

      ‘All right. I’ll read to you, then.’

      As Tracy started to read, she felt Amy’s soft little hand on hers.

      ‘Can I sit on your lap?’

      ‘No.’ Get your affection from your own family, Tracy thought. You don’t belong to me. Nothing belongs to me.

      The easy days away from the routine of the prison somehow made the nights worse. Tracy loathed returning to her cell, hated being caged in like an animal. She was still unable to get used to the screams that came from nearby cells in the uncaring darkness. She would grit her teeth until her jaws ached. One night at a time, she promised herself. I can stand one night at a time.

      She slept little, for her mind was busy planning. Step one was to escape. Step two was to deal with Joe Romano, Perry Pope, Judge Henry Lawrence, and Anthony Orsatti. Step three was Charles. But that was too painful even to think about yet. I’ll handle that when the time comes, she told herself.

      It was becoming impossible to stay out of the way of Big Bertha. Tracy was sure the huge Swede was having her spied upon. If Tracy went to the recreation room, Big Bertha would show up a few minutes later, and when Tracy went out to the yard, Big Bertha would appear shortly afterwards.

      One day Big Bertha walked up to Tracy and said, ‘You’re looking beautiful today, littbarn. I can’t wait for us to get together.’

      ‘Stay away from me,’ Tracy warned.

      The amazon grinned. ‘Or what? Your black bitch is gettin’ out. I’m arrangin’ to have you transferred to my cell.’

      Tracy stared at her.

      Big Bertha nodded. ‘I can do it, honey. Believe it.’

      Tracy knew then her time was running out. She had to escape before Ernestine was released.

      Amy’s favourite walk was through the meadow, rainbowed with colourful wildflowers. The huge artificial lake was nearby, surrounded by a low concrete wall with a long drop to the deep water.

      ‘Let’s go swimming,’ Amy pleaded. ‘Please, let’s, Tracy?’

      ‘It’s not for swimming,’ Tracy said. ‘They use the water for irrigation.’ The sight of the cold, forbidding-looking lake made her shiver.

      Her father was carrying her into the ocean on his shoulders, and when she cried out, her father said, Don’t be a baby, Tracy, and he dropped her into the cold water, and when the water closed over her head she panicked and began to choke …

      When the news came, it was a shock, even though Tracy had expected it.

      ‘I’m gettin’ outta here a week from Sattiday,’ Ernestine said.

      The words sent a cold chill through Tracy. She had not told Ernestine about her conversation with Big Bertha. Ernestine would not be here to help her. Big Bertha probably had enough influence to have Tracy transferred to her cell. The only way Tracy could avoid it would be to talk to the warden, and she knew that if she did that, she was as good as dead. Every convict in the prison would turn on her. You gotta fight, fuck, or hit the fence. Well, she was going to hit the fence.

      She and Ernestine went over the escape possibilities again. None of them was satisfactory.

      ‘You ain’t got no car, and you ain’t got no one on the outside to he’p you. You’re gonna get caught, sure as hell, and then you’ll be worse off. You’d be better doin’ cool time and finishin’ out your gig.’