Дживс, вы – гений! / Thank you, Jeeves!. Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус

[54]“.

      “We must talk him out of it.”

      “Impossible, sir, I fear. I endeavoured to do so myself, but my arguments were of no avail. His lordship has a complex.”

      “A what?”

      “A complex, sir. He once witnessed a musical comedy, in which poor Lord Wotwotleigh[55] was endeavouring to marry an American heiress. He stated to me in the most unequivocal terms that he refused to place himself in a position like that.”

      “But suppose the sale of the house does not go through?”

      “In that case, I fear, sir—”

      “What would you advise, Jeeves?”

      “I fear I have nothing to suggest at the moment, sir.”

      “Come, come, Jeeves.”

      “No, sir. As long as the image of Lord Wotwotleigh persists in his lordship’s consciousness, I fear that there is nothing to be done.”

      “Of course there is. Why this strange weakness, Jeeves? It is not like you. What he needs is a jolt. If he thought there was danger of some other guy near her.”

      “Jealousy is undoubtedly an extremely powerful motivating force, sir.”

      “Do you know what I am going to do, Jeeves?”

      “No, sir.”

      “I am going to kiss Miss Stoker and Chuffy will see it.”

      “Really, sir, I should not recommend—”

      “Jeeves, it came to me in a flash, as we were talking. After lunch, I shall draw Miss Stoker aside to this seat. You will arrange that Chuffy follows her. Then I shall fold her in a close embrace. If that doesn’t work, nothing will.”

      “I consider that you would be taking a decided risk, sir.”

      “No, Jeeves, I desire no further discussion. The thing is settled[56]. All that remains is to fix the time. I suppose lunch would be over by about two-thirty … Incidentally, I’m not going in to lunch myself.”

      “No, sir?”

      “No. I cannot face that gang. I shall remain out here. Bring me some sandwiches and some beer.”

      “Very good, sir.”

      “Put plenty of mustard on the sandwiches.”

      “Very good, sir.”

      “And at two-thirty inform Miss Stoker that I would like a word with her. And at two-thirty-one inform Lord Chuffnell that she would like a word with him. The rest you can leave to me.”

      “Very good, sir.”

      6

      Complications

      Jeeves returned with the sandwiches.

      “So, Jeeves, did hear anything?”

      “Yes, sir. Mr Stoker was inviting all those present to a party on his yacht.”

      “What party?”

      “It appears that it is Master Dwight Stoker’s birthday tomorrow, sir. The party, I gathered, was to be in celebration of the event.”

      “And was the suggestion well received?”

      “Extremely, sir. But Master Seabury did not like Master Dwight’s arrogant assertion that this was the first time that Master Seabury had ever seen a yacht.”

      “What did he say?”

      “He retorted that he had been on millions of yachts. Indeed, if I am not mistaken, trillions was the word he employed.”

      “And then?”

      “Master Dwight was sceptical concerning this claim. But at this moment Mr Stoker announced his intention of hiring the troupe of negro minstrels to perform at the party.”

      “And that went well?”

      “Very well, indeed, sir. Except that Master Seabury said that he was sure Master Dwight had never heard negro minstrels before. Master Dwight had then thrown a potato at Master Seabury.”

      “I wish somebody would and chain those kids up. They’ll spoil the whole thing.”

      “Master Dwight said that his hand had slipped, and the apology was gracefully received.”

      “Well, go back and see if you can hear some more.”

      “Very good, sir.”

      I finished my sandwiches and beer, wishing that I had told Jeeves to bring me some coffee. But you don’t have to tell Jeeves things like that. He came back with the steaming cupful.

      “Luncheon has just concluded, sir.”

      “Ah! Did you see Miss Stoker?”

      “Yes, sir. I informed her that you desired a word with her, and she will be here shortly.”

      “Why not now?”

      “His lordship engaged her in conversation immediately after I had given her your message.”

      “Had you told him to come here, too?”

      “Yes, sir.”

      “No good, Jeeves. They will arrive together.”

      “No, sir. If so, I can easily detain him for a moment on some matter.”

      “When did you see Miss Stoker?”

      “About a quarter of an hour ago, sir.”

      “Ah!”

      I had observed a gleam of white among the bushes. The next moment, the girl appeared. She was looking more beautiful than ever, her eyes, in particular, shining like twin stars.

      “Hallo, Bertie,” said Pauline. “Are you really having a headache? You seem to have been doing yourself pretty well, in spite of it.”

      “Oh … You had better take these things back, Jeeves.”

      “Very good, sir.”

      “And if his lordship should want me, I’m here.”

      “Yes, sir.”

      He gathered up the plate, cup and bottle and disappeared.

      Pauline had grabbed my arm.

      “Bertie—” she was saying

      But at this point I caught sight of Chuffy’s head over a shrub, and I felt that the moment had come to act. I waited no longer. Folding the girl in my arms, I kissed her on her right eyebrow.

      But the fellow in the shrub was not Chuffy. The bloke who now stood before us was old Stoker. It was, you must admit, not a little awkward. A fellow with fifty millions in his pocket doesn’t have to wear the mask. If he wants to give anybody a nasty look, he gives him a nasty look. He was giving me one now.

      Fortunately, the thing did not go beyond looks. The civilization prevailed. With one more of those looks he collected Pauline, and the next moment I was alone.

      Suddenly Chuffy appeared.

      “Look here, Bertie,” he began without preamble, “what’s all this I hear?”

      “What’s all what you hear, old man?”

      “Why didn’t you tell me you had been engaged to Pauline Stoker?”

      “I don’t understand you, Chuffnell,” I said stiffly. “Did you expect me to send you a post card?”

      “You could have told me this morning.”

      “I saw no reason to do so. How did you hear about it, anyhow?”

      “Sir Roderick Glossop happened to mention it.”

      “Oh, he did, did he? Well, he broke it off.”

      “What

55

Wotwotleigh – Вотвоnли

56

The thing is settled. – Дело решено.