Tug Of Love. PENNY JORDAN

sighed again.

      ‘Perhaps if my parents hadn’t had to be away in Edinburgh with Gran…If there’d just been someone there to help me with Charlie when he was so ill. I felt so afraid, Heather. People tried to be kind, but the hospital staff made me feel so incompetent, as though I couldn’t really be trusted to look after Charlie. He was so small and so frail, and then having that dreadful gastro-enteritis…I—I thought he was going to die, and that it was all my fault. I suppose I could have told Mum, but she’d been so angry when I insisted on getting married and not going on to university as I’d planned. I can understand why now, but then—well, it caused a rift between us for a time, and I felt that I couldn’t admit that she was right and I was wrong and tell her how frightened I was for Charlie.’

      ‘And James’s mother?’ Heather pressed sympathetically.

      ‘They were in Canada visiting James’s elder sister, a trip they’d been saving for and planning for a long time. They’ve retired there now, although they still keep in touch.’

      ‘Poor Win. You did have a bad time, didn’t you?’ Heather told her, remembering the joy of the birth of her own first son. She had been in her late twenties and Paul’s birth had been carefully and hopefully planned, just as soon as she and Rick had felt able to afford to start their family. Her own mother had been alive then, and on hand to help and support her, as had Rick’s sisters and mother. Rick had been with her for the birth, and had taken a month off work afterwards, to be with her and their baby.

      ‘It was my own fault,’ Win insisted. ‘James and I should never have married. I was too young and I was certainly far too immature to have a child. Perhaps if I’d been married to a different kind of man, one who was less selfish…’ She bit her lip. ‘That’s what I’m so afraid of, Heather—that James is going to shatter all Charlie’s illusions. Charlie worships him, but he doesn’t really know him, and I’m so afraid that once he does…I know that Charlie needs a man in his life, the right kind of male influence and guidance, but for that influence to come from James…’

      ‘And you’re sure he’s coming back permanently and not just for a visit?’ Heather persisted.

      ‘So it seems. After all, he is the business, and I suppose he can produce these computer software packages just as easily here as he does in Australia. It’s very difficult for me to talk to Charlie about his father,’ Win admitted. ‘Charlie tends to get very defensive and sullen—my fault, I suppose. Sometimes I feel he almost wants me to criticise James so that he can immediately leap to his defence.’

      ‘Have you ever tried to discuss with Charlie the reasons why you divorced his father?’ Heather asked gently.

      Win shook her head.

      ‘No. I know he blames me for the divorce, though. I hate myself for saying this, Heather, but sometimes—well, it’s almost as though I’m willing James to reveal himself to Charlie in his true colours, and yet really that’s the last thing I want, because I know how much it would hurt Charlie if he did.’

      Heather’s face softened.

      ‘You judge yourself too harshly,’ she told her, hugging her. ‘You are only human, Win, and I know how hard it’s been for you. All right, so James left you with the house and never tried to claim his share, and financially he’s always been generous…’

      ‘I’ve never spent a penny of his money on myself,’ Win told her quickly, defensively almost.

      ‘I know you haven’t, and it can’t have been easy for you once James did start to take an interest in Charlie—all those expensive and inappropriate gift parcels from Sydney, and then that trip out there…’

      ‘I think it was that that spurred me into going to college and getting myself some proper qualifications, getting myself a job.’

      ‘But you’ve always worked,’ Heather protested.

      Win pulled a face. ‘Part-time jobs without any real status—the kind of low-paid jobs that women like me have to take. I suddenly realised how poor an image I was giving Charlie of our sex. I wanted him to see that women could achieve and be successful.’ She bit her lip and flushed. ‘I suppose, if I’m honest, I was jealous of constantly hearing him saying how successful James was, and, let’s face it, working at the hotel can hardly compare with owning and running a successful company.’

      ‘I know you better than that,’ Heather told her stalwartly. ‘And I also know that the last thing you want for Charlie is that he should judge and measure people by their commercial achievements. You’ve worked so hard to encourage him to grow in every direction, Win. All those cold wet afternoons watching him play football! I used to get quite furious with you when Danny came back and complained that I never watched him play. And then there’s his chess, and his swimming, not to mention the drama group…’

      She stopped as Win pulled another face. ‘You make it sound as though I’m force-feeding him on “suitable” activities. I just didn’t want him to grow up being isolated. You feel you have to try so much harder when there’s only you.’ Her mouth trembled suddenly, and Heather realised how very genuinely disturbed her friend was by the fears aroused by her ex-husband’s projected return.

      ‘Oh, God,’ she muttered thickly, reaching for a tissue and firmly blowing her nose, ‘I loathe people who wallow in self-pity. Now,’ she asked firmly, ‘what was all this about a celebration? Your wedding anniversary is still six weeks away, isn’t it?’

      ‘Yes, but what I was thinking of celebrating was our anniversary.’

      When Win frowned Heather explained.

      ‘Ten years…of course, it must be. So what did you have in mind?’

      ‘Oh, I don’t know—a weekend with Tom Cruise; a fairy godmother to instantly transform me into Julia Roberts,’ Heather sighed, while Win laughed. ‘No, what I’d really got in mind was a day at a health hydro,’ Heather told her. ‘It’s something I’ve always fancied,’ she added yearningly. ‘All that pampering and spoiling—mm. And—’

      ‘Mm, sounds good,’ Win agreed. ‘But pricey.’

      ‘We deserve it,’ Heather told her positively.

      Win looked doubtful. ‘Charlie’s been on at me for a new pair of trainers, and—’

      ‘No,’ Heather interrupted her firmly, then added a little more gently, ‘You spoil him sometimes, Win. It won’t do him any harm to wait a little longer for his trainers. It’s time you indulged yourself a little bit.’

      ‘Perhaps,’ Win agreed, glancing at her watch and getting up. ‘Heavens, I should have been at work five minutes ago.’

      Heather walked out to her car with her.

      When Tom Longton had given her the job, he had also given her a brand new car, a pretty sporty hatchback model which Heather suspected he had chosen especially for Win rather than for purely commercial reasons. Charlie, of course, disliked it, and said so.

      ‘When exactly is he—James—due back?’ she asked Win as the latter got into the car.

      Win frowned.

      ‘I don’t know. Charlie went all cagey on me when I asked him, so I didn’t press him. As far as I’m concerned, whenever he comes back it’ll be too soon.’

      As she started the engine, she gave Heather a brief unhappy smile.

      ‘Why is it, Heather, that just when you think that things are picking up, that life looks good, something like this happens?’

      Heather’s heart ached for her as she watched her drive away, and then as she went inside she wondered soberly if Win had told Tom yet about her ex-husband’s imminent return.

      CHAPTER TWO

      THANKFULLY Win got into her car and started the engine. It had