Red Leaves. Paullina Simons

Inside she felt terrible.

      ‘What’s up?’ said Conni, furiously curling a strand of hair around her index finger. ‘How come you didn’t open the door last night?’

      ‘I told you I was real tired. I was asleep when you knocked.’

      Conni stared steely-eyed at Kristina. ‘Sleeping, huh? You could’ve opened the door.’

      ‘Could’ve, yes,’ Kristina said. ‘But didn’t want to. I was naked and tired. And it sounded like you had company in the hall.’

      Conni narrowed her eyes to slits. ‘Did you have company in the room?’

      Kristina got scared. Was this where it was going to happen? Right here, in the parking lot? ‘Constance,’ she said slowly. ‘What are you accusing me of?’

      ‘Nothing,’ Conni said quickly. ‘Nothing. I was just mad you wouldn’t open the door. Usually you never even lock it.’ She paused. ‘And I know you 7veren’t with Jim.’

      ‘How do you know that?’

      ‘Because I was looking for Albert.’

      ‘In Jim’s room?’

      ‘Anywhere.’

      Kristina sighed. ‘Conn, how often have you found Albert in Jim’s room? Albert never goes to Jim’s room. Never.’

      ‘How do you know that?’

      ‘Because that’s what Jim tells me.’ Actually it was what Albert told her. Albert didn’t feel comfortable with Jim anymore.

      Relaxing a little, Kristina said, ‘I’m sorry you were upset. Next time I’ll open the door, okay?’ She rolled down her window.

      ‘You know,’ Conni said, ‘I was just… I just didn’t know where Albert was. He said he was going up to his room for a minute.’

      ‘Ahh,’ said Kristina and didn’t know what else to say. ‘I hope he showed up eventually.’

      ‘No,’ Conni said tearfully. ‘That’s the whole thing.’

      There was a pause, while Kristina looked away from Conni, who seemed to be collecting her thoughts as she stepped from foot to foot in the cold. Kristina turned to face the front windshield and the parking lot and Hinman Hall ahead. She could see her own windows up there on the third floor. How nice it would be to be alone up in the room right now. She looked over to the right and stared at her bridge vacantly. Kristina’s Bridge. Maybe if it snowed soon… Kristina could have a few drinks, and walk her bridge, and not be scared anymore.

      She turned back to Conni, who obviously was trying hard to come to grips with something.

      Clearing her throat, Conni said, ‘Krissy, umm, listen. Was the dog with you?’

      ‘With me when?’ Kristina asked, wanting to roll the window back up.

      ‘Last night.’

      Kristina’s heart was pounding. She is trying to trap me. But what can I say? I don’t even know if she spoke to Albert today. She is definitely trying to corner me into something, but what?

      ‘I don’t know,’ Kristina replied vaguely. ‘Listen, I really gotta -’

      ‘Albert said he walked Aristotle for you last night.’

      Kristina kept her face passive, but inside she was relieved.

      ‘Yes. He came by, and took the dog,’ she told Conni.

      ‘He did?’ she exclaimed. ‘So you saw him?’

      ‘Briefly,’ Kristina replied.

      ‘And then?’

      ‘And then what? Then I locked the door.’

      ‘Why did you do that?’

      ‘Because I wanted to go to sleep, and he was gone a long time.’

      ‘How long?’

      ‘I don’t know, Conni. He never came up to bring the dog back.’ She didn’t know what else to say, and Conni still seemed dissatisfied. So Kristina said, ‘Maybe he’d gone to Frankie’s?’

      ‘That’s what he said he did. But he said he came back and knocked, you just didn’t answer.’

      ‘What time was this? I didn’t hear him,’ said Kristina without missing a beat, but thinking, God, Albert, I wish you had talked to me about this.

      ‘How long was he gone before I came up?’

      ‘I don’t know. Maybe a half hour.’

      This wasn’t the first time Kristina had been interrogated by Conni. She wished it could be the last time, though. Since Edinburgh, Conni had been increasingly suspicious about Kristina and Albert. When Conni and Kristina roomed together in their freshman and part of their sophomore years, Kristina had never fallen under suspicion, but Conni had been sure Albert was seeing someone else.

      Kristina lifted her black eyes to Conni, who was staring at her with the expression of someone who had just swallowed an unbelievable excuse, had bought it, and was now hating herself for it. Feeling very bad, Kristina said, ‘Conn, I thought he was with you. I thought he just took Aristotle down to your room and stayed there.’

      ‘Well, he didn’t,’ Conni said, struggling to keep her voice even.

      Reaching out, Kristina took Conni’s arm. ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling down. It’ll be okay. You know Albert loves you.’

      ‘Do I? Do I know that?’

      ‘Sure you do,’ Kristina said comfortingly. ‘It’s obvious. Every time he looks at you, it’s obvious.’

      Conni stared at her. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

      ‘No, of course I’m not.’ What was she getting at?

      ‘The way he looks at me?’ Conni laughed aloud. ‘You are kidding me. Kristina, have you ever seen the way Albert looks at you?’

      Kristina had. She knew how Albert looked at her. Turning up a blank expression, she said, ‘Conn, I don’t know what you’re -’

      ‘Kristina!’ Conni became agitated. ‘He looks at you, and you at him, like - I don’t know, like you’ve been - I don’t know - friends for life. Like he is about to go the front and die and he’s looking at you for the last time. God, it makes me crazy. Don’t tell me you don’t see it!’

      ‘Conni, I’m sorry, I really don’t.’

      ‘Yeah, Albert says the same thing. “Conn, you’re crazy,” he says. “Conn, it’s probably just hunger.” “Conn, I look at Frankie the same way,” or “Conn, you silly. What about the way I look at you?'”

      Kristina was beginning to feel sick to her stomach. ‘What do you want me to say, Conni?’ she said weakly.

      Conni continued as if not hearing Kristina. ‘I said to him, it’s not that he touches you, because he doesn’t, and it’s not that he says things to you, because he doesn’t, it’s just the way he looks at you. I asked him not to look at you anymore.’ Conni took a deep breath and swiped the hair off her face in a manic gesture. ‘God, this is just so ludicrous.’

      ‘I agree,’ said Kristina quietly. Glancing at the dashboard clock, Kristina got out of the car and went to put her arms around Conni, who didn’t protest but didn’t hug back either.

      ‘Conn, I’m sorry you’re so upset. Come on, girl.’ Kristina’s arm remained around her shoulders.

      ‘Am I crazy, Krissy? Am I just plain nuts?’

      ‘Yes,’ Kristina said, still feeling queasy. ‘Bonkers.’

      ‘Krissy,’ Conni said, ‘once I saw you guys.’