Your First Grandchild: Useful, touching and hilarious guide for first-time grandparents. Paul Greenwood

Use hot water and detergent in a clean washing-up bowl. With a bottlebrush, wash the bottles, teats, discs, rings and caps inside and out to remove all traces of milk, not forgetting rims and crevasses (force water through the holes in the teats). Now rinse the bottle parts under a cold mains tap.

       2 STERILIZE THE BOTTLES AND TEATS BY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING METHODS:

       Boiling: immerse the bottle parts in a pan of boiling water, cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Then either fish them out on to a plate rinsed in hot water or leave them to cool in the water, keeping the pan covered, and use when required.

       Steaming: use a purpose-designed electric steam sterilizer according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

       Microwaving: use a purpose-designed microwave sterilizer, again according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

      Chemical sterilization: immerse bottles and teats in a plastic container containing the appropriate mixture of water and sterilization chemicals (either in tablet or liquid form). Rinse with boiled, cooled water before use.

       3 MAKE UP THE FEED

       Thoroughly wash and dry your hands. Read the instructions on the milk extremely carefully and follow them to the letter. Pour into the bottle (or bottles – you can make enough for one day’s feeding and keep them in the fridge if you like) the recommended amount of boiled, cooled water. Now, with a well-washed and rinsed scoop (filled so as to be level), add the appropriate amount of milk powder. Put the bottle together with the cap firmly on and shake vigorously until the milk has a smooth, even consistency.

       4 WARM THE FEED

       It’s best to warm the feed the old-fashioned way, in a bowl of warm water, rather than in a microwave, which can heat unevenly; then check the temperature by dropping a little milk on to your wrist. When the drops feel slightly warm, it’s ready for the baby. (If you are in a hurry, and do resort to the microwave, shake the heated bottle very well to mix in any hot spots and never forget to check the temperature of the milk before feeding.)

       5 FEED!

       With the baby in the crook of your arm, give the bottle for as long as she seems happy sucking. But keep watching (and don’t go to sleep if it’s the middle of the night!). If she seems to be having any trouble swallowing the milk, remove the bottle to give her a breather.

       This is the basic routine. The parents may have their own particular variations, such as, for instance, using salt to remove all traces of milk from the teat. It might be a good idea to ask them to give you a quick demonstration before you have to look after the baby and make up feeds on your own.

      Try to remember that the breastfeeding/bottle-feeding debate has progressed since you had your children. To breastfeed was extremely unfashionable in the 1960s when, in an upwardly mobile society, it was even thought by some that it betrayed working-class roots! And any mother who had the temerity to breastfeed a baby in public was considered a danger to public morals.

       Breastfeeding in Public

       Whatever your feelings on the subject, try not to feel (or at least, try not to show) embarrassment if your daughter or daughter-in-law chooses to breastfeed her baby in public. This can be difficult for some of us who are not used to the idea – especially perhaps for a grandfather who is not related to the mother by blood. One such confessed to me, rather shamefacedly, that he suddenly realized his disapproval was because of a secret fear that he might find the spectacle arousing.

       For those who do find the whole issue a tricky one, I would say … remind yourself that this is the natural process. It’s a wonderful thing that a mother has ready, in no matter what circumstances, a source of nourishment for her baby that is perfect in every way (even the consistency of the milk changing to suit the baby’s need throughout the feed). Whilst she is feeding the baby, you can rest assured that she will be totally unaware of anything but the satisfaction of her baby’s hunger, and that the last thing she will be thinking of is appearing provocative, either of sexual or shocked reactions.

       In the days when breastfeeding in public was not quite the done thing, I remember attending the rehearsal of a chamber-music concert. Between bouts of playing, a young woman cellist sat on a sunny windowsill and freely breastfed her little son, who had been sleeping in a Moses basket by her feet as she played. Her musician companions seemed entirely at ease with the situation – the making of music was all that mattered – and it struck me at the time that the breastfeeding seemed as natural as the flow of the music.

      When I had my daughter in 1964, my obstetrician said briskly, ‘You’re planning to go back to work? Then don’t even consider breastfeeding.’ I have always regretted this decision being taken for me when I was not in any state to consider the alternative. The same obstetrician came in one day and was extremely unpleasant to me, making me burst into tears. That’s better,’ he said. ‘You were being too cheerful. I always like my new mothers to have a good cry. It saves them from having the “baby blues”’ Thank goodness attitudes have radically changed since then!

       Peggy Writes

      Mum very kindly stayed with me for a while after Sky was born, and was wonderful – prepared to do anything and totally willing to fit in with my desire to breastfeed (practically all day at the outset) and have the baby in the bed. She did far more than her fair share and made sure that everything was running smoothly, but I have to admit that I was a nightmare. Emotionally. I felt all over the place, and it was she who took the brunt of my mood swings. I think I’m so sure of her devotion, that I sometimes take her for granted anyway, and – as all I was thinking about was my new baby – probably didn’t even offer her so much as a cup of tea the whole time she was staying with us. Typically, she didn’t complain and made the very best of things, but I wish I had thought about her needs more. Sometimes we parents forget that grandparents have feelings too!

      From the couples I have talked to, I am left in no doubt at all that tactful help and support during the immediate postnatal period is one of the most important services grandparents can render. It is also a wonderful opportunity to get to know the new member of the family. There’s nothing like walking up and down rocking a baby and having the satisfaction of seeing it fall gently to sleep to bring out all one’s most tender feelings.

       Marge: ‘When my daughter brought the baby home, I spent the first night with her. There was an utterly terrifying midwife who insisted on covering everything with newspaper. We were both scared stiff of her and really glad when she left for good.’

       Sophie: ‘After the birth I came into my own. I stayed with the parents for 10 days and did everything. When I left my daughter told me she couldn’t have done without me. They bought me perfume and I felt really wanted and valued. My own mother-in-law had been a nightmare. She came to stay after my first baby was born and just sat around chainsmoking and saying, “What are we having for lunch?”’

       Kay: ‘I stayed with my daughter for the immediate postnatal period. It all came back to me no trouble. I had been like a single parent to my two because my husband buzzed off to Turkey and left me when they were really young. I found I was not as anxious as I had been with mine. I’m so much wiser now than I was then – I was terrible with my own children.’

      Martin: ‘The other grandparents were