What Women Want Men To Know. Barbara Angelis De

her for remembering so precisely!

      This penchant women have for accurately chronicling time manifests itself in many ways:

       Women keep track of tasks men don’t want to be reminded of.

      “You haven’t called your mother in three weeks.”

      “It’s been a month since you mowed the lawn.”

      “You were supposed to drop off that package for your brother five days ago.”

       Women keep track of how accurately men keep promises about time.

      “You said we’d talk this weekend about possibly re-landscaping the front yard next spring, but it’s Sunday night and we still haven’t discussed it.”

      “Where have you been? You told me you’d get home by six so we’d have time to eat before going to the play, and it’s almost seven!”

      “You promised you’d call me when you got to your hotel, but I didn’t hear from you until late last night.”

       Women keep track of romantic and intimate time.

      “It’s been months since the last time we talked about our relationship and where we’re going in terms of commitment for the future.”

      “We haven’t taken the time to really make love when it wasn’t just a quickie for five weeks now.”

      “The only time you give me a romantic card is once a year on our anniversary.”

       Women are conscious of rhythms and patterns in time.

      I’ve noticed that because women pay more attention to time in general, we see rhythms and patterns that men may not recognize. We notice how certain behaviors or experiences repeat themselves over and over again. Men, on the other hand, often don’t connect these events to one another within the context of time.

      For instance:

      It’s a Friday night, and your boyfriend, Robert, is spending the evening with his old college roommate, Frank. You’ve been dreading this for months – actually, since the last time Robert and Frank got together – because whenever your boyfriend hangs around with Frank, the two of you end up in a fight afterward. This has happened over and over again, and you’re hoping by some miracle that tonight will be different.

      It’s almost two in the morning when Robert arrives back at the apartment. “Hi, honey,” you say as he walks into the bedroom. “You guys must have had a good time – you stayed out late, didn’t you?”

      “Were you watching the clock or something?” Robert responds.

      Here he goes, you groan to yourself. It’s happening again. “No, I wasn’t watching the clock. I was just commenting on the time,” you say in as sweet a voice as possible.

      “Well, I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself,” Robert snaps.

      “You know, Robert, you don’t have to talk to me in that tone. Why are you picking a fight with me? Every time you go out with Frank, you come home like this – feeling mad at the world.”

      “I do not,” Robert insists. “You’re just pissed off that I stayed out late.”

      “No,” you reply strongly, “I’m not pissed off that you stayed out late. I’m pissed off that every time you are with Frank, you are in an angry, defiant mood for days. In fact, the last four times you’ve been with him, we’ve had a fight when you got home.”

      “What are you, the CIA?” your boyfriend says angrily.

      I have heard so many versions of this kind of dynamic between a man and a woman, when she recognizes a pattern of cause and effect that repeats itself over time and he just doesn’t see it:

      

A man doesn’t notice that he gets depressed for days every time he talks to his ex-wife on the phone. When his girlfriend tries to point this out, he blames her for being jealous.

      

A father isn’t aware that whenever his little boy goes to a certain friend’s house to play, he comes home and behaves aggressively. When his wife tries to discuss this, he tells her “boys will be boys,” and that she’s just being too protective.

      

A man doesn’t realize that every year around the time of the anniversary of his father’s death, he becomes despondent and withdrawn. When his wife suggests there may be a correlation, he insists she overanalyzes everything and is making something out of nothing.

      HOW MEN MISUNDERSTAND THIS

      When women appear to be counting or chronicling time, men often misinterpret our intention: You conclude that we are picky, finicky, neurotic, and bossy. The result is that you end up feeling controlled, commanded, scolded, and spied upon.

      When men react this way to our focus on time, women feel hurt and misunderstood. “I was only trying to be helpful,” we think sadly. And that is the truth, guys. We’re not trying to control you or act like your mother, even though it may appear that way – we just think we’re doing our job, in the same way we keep track of when the kids last ate, or when the laundry needs to be done, or when the mortgage is due.

      WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW:

       Women keep track of time because we are trying to be helpful, not because we are trying to be controlling.

      More accurately women keep track of time and its rhythms because that is just the way we have been designed. We don’t really even think about it.

      2. Women experience time differently from men.

      

Your boyfriend lives in another part of the country, so you rely heavily on the phone to stay connected. Several days have passed, and you haven’t heard from him. Finally, he calls.

       “Where have you been?” you ask.

       “What do you mean?” your boyfriend responds.

       “You haven’t called me,” you explain in an agitated voice.

       “We just talked Friday,” he responds defiantly.

       “That’s what I mean – it’s been three whole days!”

       “I don’t get it,” he says. “It’s only been three days. What’s the big deal?”

      

It’s one o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, and your husband says he’s going out to do a few errands. The hours pass, and by dinnertime he still isn’t home. Finally, at seven o’clock he drives up.

       “Do you know what time it is?” you ask him. “You were out for six hours!”

       “Gee, I didn’t realize it was that long,” he says. “I had a lot to do.”

       “But you said you were going out to do a few errands – I thought you’d be back by dark for sure.”

       “I guess I lost track of time,” he replies absentmindedly. “It didn’t seem like that much time had passed.”