Blooming Birth: How to get the pregnancy and birth you want. Lucy Atkins

may be extra sensitive. You may also feel either less or more lubricated (lubricants like KY Jelly can be helpful if sex becomes uncomfortable). You’ll hear women boast about how rapacious they were throughout pregnancy but if your libido is paltry (or very variable) for nine months try not to feel cheated. You’re swimming in hormones. You may be faintly distracted by the sight of your own body, even if your partner appears to be passionate about it. You may feel like your body has been ‘taken over’ by the baby, and you don’t want to be assailed by anyone else. You may feel constantly sick, swell up like a balloon or have loony mood swings. You may simply be knackered. These things will not make you hot stuff in bed. And that’s OK. Dr Petra Boynton, a psychologist specializing in sex and relationships at University College London says, ‘What tends to disappear is not just the sex, but the communication, comfort, petting. If you’re not feeling sexy you should at least be having rampant hand holding every night.’ We talk more about sex in pregnancy in Chapter 8: Blokes, Birth and Babies.

      Dr Petra’s sex tip:

       ‘There is a bizarre idea that pregnant women are not supposed to be sexual. This is part Victorian hangover and part fear that sex is bad for the baby (it isn’t). Sex toys can actually be a great bonus for pregnant women – they can be soothing as well as sexy. Go for vibrating toys designed for clitoral stimulation rather than penetration. I have had women tell me they used one of these in early labour to cope with low level pain. A colleague of mine, what’s more, discovered that her silicon vibrator on a low, soothing, setting, wrapped in a towel and placed along her baby’s back was a fantastic remedy for her baby’s colic.’

       Where to go for help:

      You may have dropped this book in horror by now, but if you’re still reading, or have always enjoyed this sort of thing anyway www.nicesextoys.co.uk might be worth a go (your guffaws will be fun for your baby anyway).

      HAIR DYE | Except at your scalp, hair is dead tissue that cannot transmit toxins to your body. The hazard from hair dyes is therefore related to the amount of dye that can actually penetrate your scalp and enter your bloodstream while you’re dying your hair, and from residues after you’ve finished. Some recent studies suggested a link between permanent hair dye and an increased risk of bladder cancer (yours, not your baby’s), but no studies have found that dyeing your hair when pregnant will harm your baby. Most midwives will tell you that while the safest colour, when pregnant, is your natural one, dyes that involve minimal scalp touching, such as highlights, are extremely unlikely to damage your baby.

      LOTIONS | No studies have found that lotions or make up cause birth defects or otherwise harm a fetus. If they did, there would be few healthy babies knocking around. However, many environmental groups have concerns about ingredients in cosmetics and lotions. This is an area of huge debate and there’s no conclusive evidence either way. For more information try the Women’s Environmental Network (WEN): 4 Pinchin Street, London E1. 020 7481 9004 www.wen.org.uk.

      TOXIC SUBSTANCES | Watch out for things known to affect a fetus: cigarette smoke, drugs, large quantities of alcohol, lead (in water and paint – see below), carbon monoxide inhaled in excess, mercury, solvents, benzene and formaldehyde.

PAINT | Best get your partner to paint the nursery because certain types of paint and paint thinners may contain chemicals that aren’t great for the developing fetus. I had a ludicrously strong ‘nesting’ urge towards the end of each of my pregnancies, and found myself uncontrollably painting wardrobes, cots, walls – indeed, anything I could get my hands on. My babies are fine but if I’d known about toxins in paint I might have taken up macramé instead.

      Weight gain

      Getting it into perspective

      It’s the infernally emotive topic: how fat will I get? Some admirable women simply don’t care. They eat healthily and avoid the whole unnecessary issue. They are the minority. At the extreme end are those who quake over the scales, restrict their food intake and panic if they’ve gained an ounce more than the ‘recommendations’. The rest of us, meanwhile, scoff cream cakes with gay abandon then whinge about how fat we are after the baby is born. Your weight in pregnancy should not be your prime concern. What matters is that you produce a healthy, well nourished baby. If you crash or fad diet during pregnancy you can severely damage your baby (inadequate nutrition can lead to low birth weight or premature babies who are at higher risk of complications and death⁵). So chuck out Atkins, the Zone, or whatever mad fad you’re addicted to and feed yourself healthily for once (without beating yourself up, or getting paranoid). If your eating is genuinely out of control, or otherwise worrying you, it is essential that you find help and support so you can grow a healthy baby.

       Where to go for help:

      Your doctor/midwife is a good first base. You can also contact:

      National Centre for Eating Disorders They can refer you to specialist help in your area. 01372 469493 www.eating-disorders.org.uk

      Eating Disorders Association 01603 619090 Helpline 0845 634 1414 www.edauk.com

      Weight charts and what to do with them

      In the US, where I had Sam, my second baby, they stuck me on the scales at every antenatal appointment. At one point, I found myself apologizing to the nurse for my excessive bout of chocolate muffin-induced poundage. In Britain, doctors and midwives have realized that being constantly weighed has little medical benefit and causes many women undue anxiety and guilt. As obstetrician Lucy Chappell puts it: ‘You don’t weigh an oven to see if the cake is done.’ Your midwife usually asks your pre-pregnancy weight at your booking in appointment but is unlikely to weigh you after this unless there’s a medical reason to do so. As a rough guide don’t weigh yourself more than once a week.

      How much weight you ‘should’ gain over the next nine months will depend on how fat or thin you are in your unimpregnated state. As a rough guide, if your pre-pregnancy Body Mass Index,⁶ is in the ‘ideal’ range, you might gain about 25–35lb over the pregnancy. Very roughly this means a gain of about 3–6lb in first trimester, about 1lb a week in second and third. Loads of women gain far more than this, and lose it (albeit annoyingly slowly) afterwards. Do not succumb to the tyranny of weight charts: gain what is right for you. If you are already overweight doctors say you should gain slightly less than the average. If you are underweight, they say you should gain more. If you’re worried about your rate of weight gain either way, talk to your doctor/midwife. For example, a really rapid weight gain (more than about 2lbs a week) could be an early sign of pre-eclampsia (pregnancy-related high blood pressure) if it is caused by fluid retention.

      An experienced mother’s weight tip:

      ‘When I was pregnant first time around I weighed myself every morning. I avoided chocolate and anything fattening. I weighed out portions of food according to my pregnancy book’s instructions. I panicked if I had put on more than I “should”. I felt like I was on a radical diet. Once she was born, I lost the 6lb of ‘baby fat’ within a month. But I was exhausted all the time. With the other two I didn’t care (too busy to care). I ate what I wanted, when I wanted – tried to make it healthy but didn’t obsess. It was SO much more relaxing just to throw out all that weight worry for nine months. I was a stone heavier for a few months after the other two births, but it came off. And I had more energy with the second two babies. All my babies were healthy – and similar sizes – at birth. Looking back on it, that first time weight obsession was a ridiculous waste of time and energy.’ Jules (40), mother of Chloe (7), Madeleine (4) and Daniel (1)

      Fat fascism

      Zoe, 33, was about three stone overweight at the start of