A WAG Abroad. Alison Kervin

When did she get there? It’s so weird. I thought she was loving life in Spain and about to settle down with the twenty year old.

      I know that nothing Angie does should surprise me any more, but turning up at Luton and announcing that she wants to adopt three African babies? Does she think she’s going to attract someone who looks like Brad Pitt if she acts like Angelina Jolie? Someone ought to tell her that it doesn’t work like that! Poor thing – I hope she’s OK. Do you think I should write to her? All the letters I sent to her in Spain were sent back marked ‘Return to the bitch’ so Dean told me to stop writing. Let me know what you think, and remember to keep me updated on what she’s up to.

      I’ll have a look for the chewing gum you mentioned – the stuff that you chew three times and it makes your skin look ten years younger. I have to confess that I haven’t seen any over here, and I certainly couldn’t find those sweets that you mentioned – the ones that make your hair blonder. You know, I’m starting to think that a lot of the things that appear in magazines about LA simply aren’t true.

      Will write again soon, Trace

      PS. I can’t believe someone’s smashed the statue of the Boy David in our garden. Who would do that? Didn’t anyone hear anything? Must be the same person who cut the heads off all the flowers. Kids, no doubt. Thanks for getting it all fixed. x