The Complete Cynic. Herford Oliver

will happen in the best regulated families. (H)

      Too many hooks spoil the cloth. (T)

      One good turn deserves applause. (T)

      Opposition is the surest persuasion. (M)

      He who owes nothing fears nothing. (T)

      You will never miss water while the champagne runs dry. (T)

      Money makes the Mayor go. (H)

      There's a Pen for the wise, but alas! no Pound for the foolish. (M)

      Imagination makes cowards of us all. (T)

      Wild oats make a bad autumn crop. (T)

      The number of a man's widows will be in proportion to the size of his estate. (M)

      He that is down need not fear plucking. (M)

      Nothing succeeds like – failure. (H)

      Let him that standeth pat take heed lest they call. (T)

      Don't take the Will for the Deed – get the Deed. (M)

      The doors of Opportunity are marked "Push" and "Pull." (T)

      Charity is the sterilized milk of human kindness. (H)

      The greatest possession is Self-possession. (T)

      Pleasant company always accepted. (T)

      The gossip is not always of the swift, nor the tattle of the wrong. (T)

      Advice to Parents – "Cast not your girls before swains." (T)

      Only the young die good. (T)

      The Doctor's Motto – A fee in the hand is worth two on the book. (T)

      Give an inch and take an ell. (T)

      What can't be cured must be insured. (H)

      The more taste the less creed. (T)

      There is no time like the pleasant. (H)

      The danger lies not in the big ears of little pitchers, but in the large mouths. (T)

      He jests at scores who never played at Bridge. (T)

      Women change their minds a dozen times a day – that's why they are so clean-minded. (H)

      A gentle lie turneth away inquiry. (H)

      Never too old to yearn. (T)

      Kind hearts are more than coronets – few girls can afford to have either. (T)

      He who fights and runs away

      Will live to write about the fray. (H)

      The pension is mightier than the sword. (T)

      A fool's paradise is nevertheless a paradise. (T)

      Let well enough alone – there's brandy and soda. (M)

      A fellow failing makes us wondrous unkind. (H)

      Society covers a multitude of sins. (T)

      All is not bold that titters. (T)

      The ways of the transgressor are smooth. (H)

      The Steamer's Motto – You can't eat your cake and have it, too. (H)

      The more waist the less speed. (M)

      The self-made man is often proud of a poor job. (T)

      BOOK THREE

      Many a man's house is his Bastille. (T)

      Costly thy garments as thy tailor will stand for. (M)

      To have and to scold. (M)

      Busy people are never busybodies. (T)

      To make the winter pass quickly – sign a note in the fall. (H)

      The Grafter's Motto – Work ill done must be twice paid for. (T)

      Never give up from the ship. (M)

      Look out for your friends – the neighbors will look in for themselves. (T)

      Come in (and see if you can stay in) without knocking. (M)

      Better a live doggerel than a dead sonnet. (T)

      A cat may look at a king – but it takes four aces to see four of 'em. (T & M))

      Chicago Motto – I smell a vat. (M)

      Diplomacy: Lying in State. (H)

      Millionaire: A large body entirely surrounded by water-ed stock. (T & M))

      Contentment is the smother of invention. (T)

      "The law is open" – to question. (T)

      Life Insurance Motto – Robbing the widows early and orphan. (T)

      An ounce of convention is worth a pound of explanation. (T)

      Opportunity knows no law. (T)

      Avoid the plate in sincere prayer. (M)

      A kiss in time saves brine. (H)

      The Doctor's Motto – Better a dead patient than a live appendix. (T)

      Whom the Gallery Gods love dye young. (H)

      The locksmith is the only tradesman Love can afford to laugh at. (T)

      Where the fire burns hottest there is no smoke. (M)

      Nobody's business is everybody's curiosity. (T)

      Rice makes might. (H) General Oyama.

      Sow your wild oats in a peach orchard. (M)

      First waters run steep. (H)

      A hair in the head is worth two in the brush. (H)

      O woman, in thine hours of ease,

      Uncertain, coy, and hard to please,

      When pains of anguish wring the brow,

      You send us to the hospital now! (T)

      Take what comes your way – but select the way. (T)

      He that seweth the wind will bust his singer. (T)

      Jealousy is confession of weakness. (T)

      Chauffeur – and much further. (H) Motophor.

      Put not your Trust in investigation. (T)

      All's well that ends swell. (T)

      Meet out Justice as she should be met. (M)

      The woman who forgives and doesn't forget is trying to preempt heaven and raise hell. (T)