Something Like Happy. Sasha Greene

      Jade got up, brushing off her hands. ‘Great. Ten a.m. Clydebank station. Don’t be late.’ She started to walk off down the hill.

      ‘Wait,’ he called after her. ‘You should give me your number.’

      She waved a thin hand dismissively, not even bothering to turn. ‘No need. I know you’ll be there. A promise is a promise.’

      As soon as she knew she was out of sight Jade sank down behind a nearby grave stone, making sure she was hidden from his view. Her legs were suddenly wobbly.

      Talking to Nick had brought back images that she just didn’t want to see again, and they played out in her head like some kind of disjointed horror film. She balled up her fists into her eyes, but tears squeezed slowly out the sides and ran down her arms, chilling her skin as the wind dried them away.

       See. This is why I didn’t want to get involved.

      She needed to, though. For herself and her own sanity. She couldn’t go back and change the past, but if she could change the future, help someone else in the same situation, then maybe she could start to trust herself again. Maybe she could learn to sleep at night.

      After a long while she lifted her head, staring out across the vast expanse in front of her. She took a deep breath, and then another one. She could be strong. She would be strong. She had Mum. And Dad. And Lily. And, just maybe, with Nick, she had the chance to redeem herself. To try and make things right.

      Fumbling for a tissue in her handbag, she rose stiffly and began the slow walk back down the hill and towards home.

      The sun was low in the sky by the time she put her keys in the front door. She opened the door to a warmth and a smell of food that made her stomach rumble. Her mother, she found in the kitchen as usual, her head bent over a pan. When she saw Jade she wrapped her in her arms and, ignoring her protests, smoothed back her hair.

      ‘Where have you been all this time?’ The question was not demanding, just curious.

      ‘Just around the city.’ Jade didn’t really want to share what had happened with Nick. ‘I went out up to the Necropolis and then I walked home.’

      ‘What, all the way from town?’ Her mother stirred the sauce, anxious not to let it burn.

      Jade shrugged. ‘It’s not far, just a few miles.’ She noticed the size of the pot. ‘What, are we having a party around for dinner again?’

      Her mother laughed, pushing back her own short black hair as she did so. ‘No. Just meals to put in the freezer. I thought I would make some for you to take to work.’

      Jade sighed, torn between love for her mother and an ongoing irritation at how she never listened. ‘Mum. You know we get food at work.’

      Her mother tutted, stirring the pot again. ‘Yes. Chips and burgers and all that rubbish. No wonder you are so pale these days. I’m making you some proper food with vitamins in it.’

      Jade was going to complain again but gave up and hugged her instead. ‘You’re the best, Mum, you know that.’ Her mother blushed, unused to such compliments from her daughter.

      Jade sat down at the table, ready to sink into the warmth of the kitchen. But she couldn’t get the image of the man on the bridge out of her mind.

      ‘What’s wrong?’ The question intruded into her thoughts, and she looked up, surprised.

      ‘What do you mean?’

      Her mother pointed at the table. ‘Usually I put crisps out, they’re gone in five minutes.’

      Jade looked, and yes, there was a blue bowl on the table. She took a handful, savouring the sharp tang of the vinegar. ‘My favourite. Thanks Mum.’

      She told her mother about Nick.

      ‘Oh, Jade.’ The older woman closed her eyes. ‘Not the same place. What made you want to go up there?’

      Jade reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly. ‘I’m fine, Mum, really I am. It’s just my way of dealing with it.’

      Her mum squeezed back briefly before returning to the stove. ‘Well Jade, you know best,’ she said, determination in her tone. ‘You know I just want you to be happy, that’s all.’

      There were a few minutes silence, then she turned towards Jade again. ‘Go and call your dad in for dinner.’

      Jade went next door into the living room. The TV was on, but her dad had fallen asleep on the big black sofa as usual. She hated to disturb him when he was like this. He’d be out at work all night and he needed all the sleep he could get.

      She put a hand gently on his shoulder, and he stirred, smiling up at her. ‘There’s my girl. Must be time for dinner, eh?’

      There was very little conversation during dinner, as they sat round the little table in the kitchen. Jade preferred it like this now that there were just three of them. The warmth of the kitchen enclosed them as if the house was hugging them, and while they were here Jade could block out thoughts of what real life was like and just pretend that things would go on like this for ever.

      Eventually Jade’s dad rose, wiping his mouth. ‘Best be off,’ he said. ‘Taxi fares don’t grow on trees.’ He wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her soundly. ‘Thanks for the dinner, sweetheart.’ She squeezed his bum playfully, while Jade said ‘Eew, get a room!’ and they all laughed together. It was a ritual that had been played out ever since she could remember, and she couldn’t imagine a family dinner without it. She held the image in her mind, savouring the warmth it generated in her thoughts.

      Jade helped wash up and then went to her room. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She suddenly wished she had taken Nick’s number. She felt an overwhelming urge just to contact him. She was so curious to find out his story. Who he was, where he came from, the whole works. But no, she would just have to wait until next Saturday. Patience is a virtue, she reminded herself with a little smile. That’s what Grandma would have said.

      She looked over to where the photos sat on the small white bookcase. Growing up she had always wondered why people had pictures of dead people lying around, but now she knew. Her grandma smiled out from her frame, looking encouraging, as she always had. She must have been a strong woman, thought Jade. Having a Chinese woman as a daughter in law, at a time when the communities barely talked to each other, must have been tough. But then, anyone seeing Jade’s parents together couldn’t doubt that they were deeply in love; even now, after almost thirty years of marriage. She lay back on her pillows, thinking about all these good things, and let the feelings of warmth and caring wrap around her like a blanket.

      Nick lay on his bed, fiddling with his watch. The whole thing today had just seemed surreal. That girl – Jade – appearing out of nowhere, just at the time when he was at his lowest point. He knew his mother would say God had sent her, if he talked to her about it. He wasn’t so sure about God as his mother was, although he did sometimes wish it was all that easy. It would be so nice to be certain that all of his life was this way for a reason. But that was one of the problems. He couldn’t speak to his parents about this. Didn’t want them to worry about him.

      Plus, if he was really honest, he was a bit frustrated with them too. He tried to go back home as often as he could, but his parents hadn’t been to visit him since the day they’d helped him move here. Sure, they were busy, but couldn’t they at least take a couple of days off every now and again? He had even offered to take some days off during the week, but his mother would mutter about mounting costs and bills, and his father would just be vague as usual. It almost seemed like they didn’t really care about him now that he was far away.

      And Jamie too. His best friend was always happy to see him when he went home but hadn’t bothered to come down and visit either. So, the last time Nick had been home was Christmas, and it was hard to keep making an effort when the feelings just weren’t returned.

      He ran his hands through his hair. It wasn’t even