Confession of a Ghost. F.M. Dostoevsky award. Playing Another Reality. Alexandra Kryuchkova

It was too quiet. Too black the sky. The Moon wanted to tell me something, but the icon of the Virgin Mary at Janis’ shop appeared on the inner screen, and I heard, “Come on, Alice! Remember me, remember!” Yes, there was something important that connected me with the icon, but what? I went back to my room, lay down on the bed, turned off the night light, and tried to fall asleep again.

      Somewhere in the Universe

      In a building with many doors, people with wings were rushing at lightning speed. One of them, who looked like Guardian Angel, grabbed my hand and quickly led me down the corridor, as if we were late. In the queue at the Information Desk, I spotted the husband of my Moscow neighbor. He smiled and waved at me, wishing me good luck, or did it seem to me? – there was too noisy! – either from the wings rustling, or because at each door there were crowds of people, vigorously discussing something. We went up to the top floor and went through the door with the inscription “Live broadcasting”. A white-robed winged clerk was diligently scribbling words with a feather and an invisible ink in a ghostly book lying on the equally ghostly table. However, everything in the mysterious building seemed rather vague. Having finished with writing, he glanced at us and asked,

      “Standard?”

      “Yes, Bro,” nodded the Angel.

      “What’s your name?” the clerk turned to me, I answered, he wrote down my name, put a tick next to it and handed the book to the Angel. “Put down the dates and time yourself. And sign it. There was a precedent here the other day. I was accused of putting the wrong number. They began to figure it out and found the Guardian’s fault. It was exactly midnight there, and the clock was a little behind!”

      “When will it be sent?” asked the Angel, signing the paper.

      “We have a new decree, three times a day in live broadcasting, so don’t worry, Bro, it’ll reach everyone! Good luck, Alice!”

      I wanted to ask what that meant and where we were, but someone called out to me. I turned around and saw Ray. And instantly… the building was gone. There were no more people, no clerks with wings, just the black sky, the stars, me and Ray. Lightning ran across the sky. It flashed in red zigzags and died down, flashed and died down, but there was no thunder anywhere.

      “Ray, what’s going on?” I asked.

      “Lightning,” Ray replied calmly, coming close to me.

      “What kind of lightning?”

      “Telegram”.

      “Telegram?” I was surprised. “To whom?”

      “To the whole Universe, Alice,” Ray replied and … disappeared.

      Ouranoupoli

      I woke up. It was still night on Athos. I went out to the balcony. Absolute silence and too black sky, not a cloud, when suddenly … I saw the same flash as in my dream! The sky flashed with red zigzags and died down, flashed and died down, flashed and died down…

      38 Before/3 After. House No. 1

      Garden of Stones

      Somewhere in the Universe

      “Now let’s talk about me,” said Saturn, swaying in his rocking chair by the fireplace. “I’m a heavy planet surrounded by many rings. I bring all sorts of restrictions to the Sphere of Life where I find myself. I deprive of something or create obstacles in achieving results. I force a person to work with maximum dedication, take responsibility, exercise strict discipline. At the same time, I’m a symbol of wisdom, strength of the Spirit, reason, intellect and even calculation. I’m quite lonely and conservative. I mean old people, the elder relatives in the family, grandparents, but, as many magi say, I don’t like children, because wise old age is closer to me. I’m strict with children, I prefer mature personalities. At the moment of your incarnation, I’m guesting in the Moon Sphere, and I feel bad here, I don’t like water, so I often sit by the fireplace warming my bones, and you’ll love fireplaces on Earth too. The Moon and I are too different. She lives with emotions. I live with mind. She is chaotic and changeable, and I’m systemic, oppressed by everything that breaks the rules and violates stability, I love constancy. She is the follower, and I’m the leader, moreover, I rigidly dictate my terms and demand unconditional obedience. She is a humanist, and I have a mathematical mindset. She is vague, and I’m extra-precise. She is the wave. I’m the rock. Saturn in Cancer is called an exile.”

      “Am I an exile? Are you both, Moon and Saturn, my major planets?”

      “There is a conflict, that will exist in your Self throughout the entire incarnation. It’s difficult for the Moon to express a variety of feelings and emotions, and I incline to clarity and limit the quantity. Your task is to process quantity into quality, structuring chaos, build meaningful systems and give them to the world, for example, in a few words that are worth their weight in gold. You can make a career as an excellent organizer and a bossy person, but outside of work, remain soft and follower as the Moon. You’ll be drawn to elder and wise people in general, and with children … telling them bedtime stories, like the Moon, you’ll show extreme severity in education, while selflessly protecting them as a wall, like Saturn. An increased sense of duty will hang on your shoulders as a heavy burden of responsibility.”

      “What about my parents? Will I see them before incarnation?”

      “Yes, later,” Saturn sighed.

      “My soul, not everything is so bad,” the Guardian encouraged me. “If you become a workaholic, you won’t get sick.”

      “You are running ahead again,” Saturn reproached the Guardian. “I don’t like lazybones, but I encourage those who work diligently and laboriously, delving into details, digging deep, pondering over the true meaning, classifying and building logical relationships, systematizing data, organizing processes within the strictly specified framework of the Space of Time, and that requires maximum concentration on the subject and, as a consequence, silence and the absence of crowds. You’ll achieve the best results alone, either by working for yourself or on yourself, the latter is a more appropriate expression, since it’s about your Self. In relationships with people, you are extremely reserved and silent. Initially, you take a defensive stance, just in case no one offends you. The hypersensitive Moon is secretive, cautious and distrustful, like Saturn. Impregnable and cold rock, alienated from reality outwardly, you are full of raging waves of feelings inside. Many people will consider you a difficult person to communicate with, your face bears the stamp of excessive seriousness, it’s hard and even strange for you to smile without cause, and there will really be few reasons for joy, while your simple phrases are difficult for ordinary people to interpret, and certainly, with your honesty and thirst for justice few people will get along. As a consequence, you’ll become increasingly silent, more and more withdrawn, and even in crowds you’ll feel desert loneliness. Here is the strict division into ‘I’ and ‘they’.”

      “Work on your Self and grow spiritually,” the Guardian consoled. “The fewer superficial contacts you have, the higher you climb the Stairs of Spirit, and the wiser thoughts in a concise form you give out to the world as a result.”

      “Angel, you keep trying, as people say, to run ahead of the train. It’s good and right when guarding yours on Earth,” Saturn chuckled, “but we are still in Heaven, and still in House No. 1. Of course, it’s important for Rukh to establish herself in the eyes of the world. There is a strong need for respect and recognition by others, for love, at least by close ones. Not getting the support and approval you deserve, you shouldn’t give up, but work even harder and better, self-organizing, perfecting your Self and the results of your work. This is the process of Self-improvement and honing the skill in Saturn way. I’m not Jupiter, so I don’t recognize anything easy. My favorite earthly