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You do not dwell on past losses and failures.
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You think you are a failure, helpless.
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You do not see yourself as a failure or as helpless. You think that you can help yourself to move forward.
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You think the future is hopeless, bleak and full of misery.
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You have hope for the future.
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What you do or what you feel like doing
|
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What you do or what you feel like doing
|
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You pull away from other people.
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You express how you feel about your loss or failure.
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You withdraw into your head.
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You look after yourself and your environment.
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You stop looking after yourself and your environment.
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You engage in healthy behaviours.
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You get rid of your emotions in destructive ways, e.g. alcohol or overeating.
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ANGER/RAGE VERSUS ANNOYANCE
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Unhealthy Negative Emotion
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What the belief is about
|
Healthy Negative Emotion
|
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Anger or rage
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Loss or failure
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Sadness
|
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How you think
|
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How you think
|
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You exaggerate the actions of the person who has broken your personal rule.
|
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You are balanced about the intention behind the thing that was done.
|
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You think the other person's intentions were malicious.
|
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You don't see malice.
|
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You are right and the other person is definitely wrong.
|
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You are open to being wrong.
|
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You can't see the other person's point of view.
|
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You can listen to the other person's point of view.
|
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You think of how you can get your revenge.
|
|
You do not think of seeking revenge.
|
|
What you do or what you feel like doing
|
|
What you do or what you feel like doing
|
|
You physically attack.
|
|
You talk and behave in an assertive manner but with the right intent.
|
|
You verbally attack.
|
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You ask the other person to make changes but you don't demand it.
|
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You pay them back somehow, e.g. by ignoring them or staying silent. You recruit allies against the other person.
|
|
HURT VERSUS SORROW
|
Unhealthy Negative Emotion
|
What the belief is about
|
Healthy Negative Emotion
|
|
Hurt
|
Someone has treated you badly. You think you deserve to be treated better.
|
Sorrow
|
|
How you think
|
|
How you think
|
|
You exaggerate the unfairness of your treatment.
|
|
You think in a balanced way about the unfairness.
|
|
You think the other person does not care about you.
|
|
You do not think the other person does not care about you.
|
|
You think of yourself as unlovable or misunderstood.
|
|
You do not think of yourself as unlovable or misunderstood.
|
|
You remember the other times when you felt hurt.
|
|
You don't think about the other times when you felt hurt.
|
|
The other person must understand and make amends first.
|
|
You don't insist the other person has to make the first move.
|
|
What you do or what you feel like doing
|
|
What you do or what you feel like doing
|
|
You sulk and shut down.
|
|
You talk about how you feel in order to persuade the other person to behave more fairly.
|
|
You pick on the other person without telling them why.
|
|
|
|
|
|
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GUILT VERSUS REMORSE
|
Unhealthy Negative Emotion
|
What the belief is about
|
Healthy Negative Emotion
|
|
Guilt
|
You have broken a moral code or the feelings of a significant person were hurt.
|
Remorse
|
|
How you think
|
|
How you think
|
|
You have definitely committed a sin.
|
|
You think about what you did and put it in context before you make a judgement.
|
You think you are more responsible
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