Collection of mysticism. + author’s biography including essays about books. Tsvetana Alеkhina

the cold, or maybe from nervous overexertion. I slept in this position for several hours. When I woke up, I came to my friends in the kitchen.

      – Tell me how it is in hell without us!

      – I would not be so happy if I were you. Remember how you got there. You were sitting here laughing, and the kitchen was covered with ice.

      – He is right. Get it over with. It will be calmer this way. There was silence in the kitchen. – I hope this was your last visit to your grandmother.

      – Grandma is no more. I managed to save her soul.

      – Tell me, how did you do it? What was there without us? I told my friends everything that happened. About how the ghosts tried to help me, how I was an ice statue. And about how our ghost friend took my grandmother’s place. – Yes, your grandmother was lucky. God rest her soul.

      – Don’t say that.

      – Why?

      – «I don’t even know where she is anymore. In Paradise or relocated. And how to remember her now after what I saw.

      – Yes, a difficult question.

      – «I’ll talk to my sister about that. She should know.

      – What now?

      – «I don’t know. I need to talk to my sister.

      At that time, I still did not understand what had happened. And most importantly, I understood that I had nothing to do here. I did everything I could and everything that was required of me. All I had to do was get on a plane and fly home. But I didn’t want to do it, and I couldn’t tell my sister or my friends about it. She held me, Mara. Her gaze burned my soul with cold. I was ready to do anything just to see her again. It was my dream.

      I told my sister everything, she listened to me attentively, I listened to lectures about how I put my life and the lives of friends in danger. She earnestly asked me to come back as soon as possible. It was dangerous for me to stay here. She did not need my friends, and I was the cause of all the troubles. I understood this and did not argue with her. A plane ticket was taken. For tomorrow. History repeated itself.

      – The main thing is that nothing happens during these days!

      – Do not collect troubles on our heads. He will fly away, and you and I will stay.

      – Don’t swear! It is over.

      – It is not yet known. I saw one of my friends nervous. Moreover, his depression was transmitted to me. – What did your sister say?

      – You are not in any danger. All the danger is on me. However, do not provoke an angry goddess.

      I fell silent. My friend listened to me attentively. – So why these scars on the face.

      – I do not want to talk about them now. It is a scary story. Maybe a little later. We returned to the ward. Everything in the ward was gloomy and dim. I did not feel well and I did not have the strength to speak. It seemed to me that I had spent an eternity in this ward, which would never end, without knowing why. These three nights spent here in conversation with a stranger passed like a flash, I did not want to part with him and therefore did not want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow he will be gone, I thought, and a pain pierced my heart. I closed my eyes remembering what I had already told and strained my memory to remember what was left to relive.

      My friend Vladimir was such a good person. He never got into my soul, but he saw what was going on inside me. He understood the person and could pick up the keys to him. I liked that trait in him. He is also ready to come to the rescue at any moment, go to investigate, stand up for protection. He reminded me of my friend from the underworld, who was always there until my last minute there, he even sacrificed himself, realizing that he would die anyway. This is true friendship.

      Today was my last night with a friend. In the morning, he will be gone, and that night I told him about my last night in Norilsk. – The ticket was bought. It remains to survive the night. Everything was the same as last time. I had a bad feeling. I was shaking from the inside. The fear did not leave me. And despite these fears, I didn’t want to leave. I was thinking of an action plan to stay for a few days and see her again. I did not lose hope that maybe she would still want to see me herself, to take revenge on me for what I had done. But no, I felt that there was no and I would have to look for her myself.

      My mind was telling me what would happen if you got to her. You are going to stay there forever. I understood that. And what happens if I don’t see her again? It will be the pain of the blow. I am the one who is going to be healed for all eternity. I am going to live like hell because I did not get there again and did not see her. The only way to get there is to go right now to the cemetery to that yet unnamed grave and wait for the dimension between the worlds to come. Then I will not be able to do it anymore. I no longer thought about my sister, about tickets, about myself. The only thing I was sorry for was that I did not have time to say goodbye to my sister, knowing that I would not see her again. But I didn’t have time to think. I waited until my friends were asleep, dressed warmly and left the apartment.

      CHAPTER 3

      It was a polar night outside. My face felt cold, I inhaled the cold air and felt my lungs wheezing. This climate was not good for me and from the constant swinging through the icy air it made itself felt, I got the flu and felt bad. I visually remembered the route along which we were driving with friends by car. It was not so close. I was discouraged and continued on my way hoping to find a passing car. After walking a few blocks, I turned onto the next street and walked along the night windows. Flakes of snow were slowly falling on my head, and I took it as a sign from above, it gave me hope that I had a chance to see her again.

      It was time for dinner; it was our last dinner with a neighbor. We shared a meal with him in a friendly way, sitting pleasantly in the common dining room. There was a deathly silence in the ward. He was packing his things, I sat and stared at one point and did not break the silence.

      – What are you thinking about?

      – That everything will end soon. I will return to my circles, and everything will be as if nothing ever happened.

      – How is that so? This cannot be happening. After what you have been through, everything will be different for you.

      – How? Explain?

      – Your life will change. Worldview, environment.

      – And it seems to me that the opposite is true. The friends who went through hell with me will stay here, you are also here, the person to whom I opened my soul, and my friend is a ghost, about whom I cannot tell anyone, has already disappeared forever. It hurts.

      – Well, the past always hurts. Therefore, it is not worth remembering, and coming back. And we, your friends, we will meet again. We will come to you ourselves. In addition, do not think about bringing, you still have your whole life ahead of you. This relic needs to be experienced and it will become easier.

      My friend calmed me down. We went out to smoke, leaving the door open. A blizzard howled outside the window. That howl did not affect me so much anymore. I was thinking more about going home. I wanted to leave here tomorrow with Vova, I was afraid to be alone. The sudden slam of the door made me jump.

      – What is wrong with you?

      – Nothing.

      – «I can see you’re scared.

      – «I don’t know what came over me. I looked out into the corridor and saw that the door to our room was closed. – Who closed it?

      – A draft.

      – Why is there a draft here? They do not open the windows at this time of year. Especially here, in this department. My friend looked at me warily. He did not say anything.