Pigs In Paradise. Roger Maxson

      “We can only handle four freshened cows at a time, maybe five, but not twelve–thirteen! We don’t have the resources to handle all of them, and the pigs, and all the other animals.”

      “Why can’t we just sell or move cows to other moshavim?”

      “I don’t want to. Besides, they have issues already and can’t add ours to theirs. Water is an issue for everyone, as is the land.”

      Vengeance was theirs — his, or so said Juan Perelman, the moshavnik, whose moshav the bull had just ruined.

      “I want this bull to be taught a lesson,” he said.

      “What then, abort the calves?”

      “No, call Rabbi Ratzinger.”

      “A rabbi,” she said, “why a rabbi?”

      “This is who we are. I’ll show him to mess with me. Curse this bull anyway. We need a rabbi at a time like this.”

      “Yes, I suppose so. Won’t stand for this.”

      The Chinese and Thai farm laborers corralled the bull and drove him back into the feedlot behind the barn and away from the other animals. They waited for the arrival of the rabbi.

      Juan Perelman said, “This bull shall suffer the wrath of God and then some.” Isabella headed for the farmhouse. Juan called after her, “He will pay for what he has done.”

      “Whatever,” she said, waving him off with her hand.

      “This is an abomination.”

      Rabbi Ratzinger arrived with his entourage, male members of his congregation. They followed him in lock-step, all moving as one from the car to the field and the lot behind the barn. The rabbi had a gray beard and wore a black fedora, a black frock coat, a white shirt, and Bermuda shorts. It was a hot day under the sun, a gift from G-d. The shorts were modest, and the rabbi’s legs very white and thin, also a gift from G-d. The members of the congregation wore fedoras with dark clothes, pants, and coats with white shirts. Their beards and curls were of various lengths and shades of black to brown to gray. They wore un-shined black shoes and white socks.

      The rabbi said, “He shall suffer from here to eternity for what he has done without our permission or blessing. This is an abomination against G-d and shall not go unpunished. This is a lesson to be learned by animals of this moshav and by animals of all moshavim.” He continued then to deliver his curse of curses to condemn this bull of this moshav for all eternity.

      Thus, sayeth Rabbi Ratzinger, “With much ado and with the judgment of the angels, and of the saints of heaven, we of the temple mount do solemnly condemn to here, and we excommunicate, cut, curse, maim, defeat, bully, and anathematize the Simbrah bull of the Perelman moshav and with the consent of the elders and all the holy congregation, in the presence of the holy books. Let it be known not of this moshav or any moshavim is he to be acknowledged of but an outcast for his sins against the moshavnik Perelman by the 613 precepts which are written therein with the anathema wherewith Joshua cursed Jericho, with the curse which Elisha laid upon the children and with all the curses which are written in the law. We curse the bull; we curse thy offspring, progeny.” Rabbi Ratzinger was interrupted when one of his congregation assistants whispered in his ear.

      “Yes, of course.” The rabbi cleared his throat and resumed his litany. “We shall allow the offspring to prosper and to grow and bear milk and meat for the nourishment of the multitudes until then that day comes when his progeny is no more, for they have long been consumed and have perished from this earth. With this one exception cursed be he by day and cursed be he by night. Cursed be he in sleeping and cursed be he in walking, cursed in going about the fields and cursed he when coming into the paddocks to feed and drink. The bull shall not spawn his evil seed again upon the earth.”

      Bruce sneezed and shook his great head.

      “The Lord shall not pardon him, the wrath and fury of the Lord shall henceforth be kindled against this animal, and shall lay upon him all the curses which are written in the book of the law. The Lord shall destroy his name under the sun, his presence, his seed, and cut him and cut him off for his undoing from all animals that graze on this moshav, and all moshavim of Israel, with all the curses of the firmament which are written in the book of the law.”

      When the rabbi finished his curse of biblical proportion, someone said, “Look, Rabbi, what should be done about that?”

      Near the pond, the Yorkshire boar poured dollops of mud and water over the heads and shoulders of young lambs and kids.

      “Nothing,” said Rabbi Ratzinger. “That is of little consequence.”

      Something hit the rabbi, splattering against the lapel of his frock coat. Julius, followed by the ravens, flew over and bombed Rabbi Ratzinger and his entourage with bird shit. Julius had gotten off a direct hit, splattering yellowish feces up the lapel of the rabbi’s frock coat. Ezekiel hit one in the brim of his hat as Dave let fly a whitish smear into another man’s dark beard. Other farm fowl, whether they flew like the geese or waddled like the ducks or simply clucked, all came to defend Bruce, attacking from air and land, biting, snapping, smearing feces over hats and frocks and boots. Depending on which direction the farm fowl attacked, they flew and ran, and defecated on the rabbi and his solemn congregation.

      Someone opened an umbrella over the rabbi, a gift from G-d, as they scattered, running for cover in the direction from which they’d come.

      It was too late for Bruce, however, with the curse set already in motion. He had been cursed to a life of death.

      Isabella Perelman walked up to the feedlot fence where Juan Perelman stood. “Juan, do you honestly believe any of this will be of any good?” Her black hair was pulled back. She wore a matching riding jacket and britches, with black boots. She held a black derby helmet under her arm. The Thai laborer led the Belgian stallion by the reins with an English saddle strapped to him. Stanley couldn’t remember the last time anyone had placed him under such distress with the weight of a saddle, and in that saddle, a rider. Had it been her? If it had been anyone better, better her than anyone else.

      To ensure that the rabbi’s curse had taken hold, and would remain intact from now until forever, the laborers draped a burlap sack over the bull’s great head. He moaned and pushed against them and moved sideways, but the laborers held tight as they twisted his neck by the horns. Bruce groaned as they pulled him down to the ground, his front legs buckling under him. The laborers rolled him over in the dirt onto his side.

      “Juan, is this necessary? Juan, this is not necessary.”

      “It’s necessary if the curse is to work,” he said. “There will be no doubts about it.”

      Isabella padded the horse’s forehead, running her palm over his white diamond, and whispered, “There, there, Tevya, don’t worry. It’s okay, boy. Take it easy now. Everything’s going to be all right.” She placed her left boot toe in the stirrup and pulled herself up and mounted the horse, settling into the English saddle. She held tight to the reins as Stanley, aka, Tevya, neighed and backed up a couple of steps, adjusting to the weight of the rider.

      “This is cruel, Juan. This is inhumane.” But her protestations came too late and fell on deaf ears. Juan Perelman was a pragmatist.

      “We don’t need a bull anymore, anyway,” he said. “We use artificial insemination. He was just for show.”

      She pulled the reins against the Belgian stallion and turned him away from the feedlot. They rode off at a trot along the road that divided the farm. He was rambunctious and stubborn, but she maintained control and held tight to the reins. She patted his neck along his mane. Riding parallel with the Egyptian border, kids from the village tried to hit her with rocks fired from slingshots.

      “Take it easy, Tevya. No one’s going to hurt you.”

      Stanley saw projectiles flying toward him and he spooked. Isabella Perelman held steady and guided him to continue broadside to the flying rocks and hard mud pieces fired from slingshots,