Let Go. Mary Collins

my grandparents’ mysterious disappearance when he married my mom. Man! I want to know the truth about my entire family life. Will I ever uncover all of these rumors, chaos, discoveries, and secrets?

      Shortly after my dad’s funeral, Mommy talked to me about being safe. She said, “Never tell anyone your daddy’s name or what he use to do, and always remember to keep our business our business.” I was only seven. What did that mean? Keeping our business our business was easy for me since I did not know what our business was anyway. Mommy changed for the better and the worse once Daddy died. She did not walk around fearful anymore; moreover, her strength became toxic as well as suffocating.

      We moved into an abandoned hospital that she had renovated to be a literal palace. I had to take medicine through an IV of some sort every night. The same yellow goo I recently found in my mom’s jewelry box. The medicine made me feel exhausted and gave me thoughts of jumping into the deepest part of the ocean—waves raging. These thoughts still haunt me to this day. I slept in a very comfortable customized hospital bed that I felt was a bit odd even at the young age of seven. However, I didn’t dare ask questions or complain. After all, I was blessed to have a mom who wanted me to be safe and loved me through all we’d been through.

      I was not allowed to go out with friends, and homeschooling became a part of my routine after a school bomb threat happened. The bomb threat was not even at the elementary school I attended. The bomb threat was at one of the local high schools, and the kids who posed it confessed. I truly do feel close to my mother. I was young, but I knew and still know to this day she is hiding information. Rather it was to protect me or prevent me. I am unsure.