Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

* ولذلك كان اول ما يشيب فيه راسه الذى هو محلّ الناطقية * واقوى ما يحسّ منه باللذة اسفله * قلت وما نتيجة ذلك قالت اقلاله من الفكر * قلت وما الفائدة فى كونه يعوز الى اوقية من اللحم يملأ بها وجهه فيجد رطلا فى عجزه * قالت هو من النوع الاول * قلت كانك تقولين ان الرجل لم يخلق الّا لاجل المراة * قالت نعم كما ان المراة لم تخلق الا للرجل *

      “‘So bad comes of good?’ I said. ‘Indeed,’ she replied, ‘just as good comes of bad.’ ‘What good,’ I asked, ‘comes of sickness?’ ‘Relief for mind, blood, and thought from the pain of love and lust,’ she replied. ‘And what good,’ I asked, ‘comes of poverty?’ ‘Abstention from the gluttony and intemperance that lead to perdition,’ she said, ‘for more people die of too much food and drink than of too little.’ ‘And what good,’ I asked, ‘comes of marriage to an ugly woman?’ ‘Prevention of your neighbor from visiting your house,⁸⁸ and abstention of your emir from following your every move, though she will not lack for a suitor of her own type (some evils, however, are lesser than others).’ ‘What good comes of ugly children?’ ‘If they discover their situation on their own,’ she said, ‘they will give up play in favor of study and strive to improve their inner makeup and so compensate for their outer.’ ‘What good comes of a person’s upper parts graying before his lower, when the hair on the lower sprouts before the hair on the upper?’⁸⁹ ‘It makes him realize that an animal’s absolute nature is more powerful than its contingent nature, which is why the first part of him to turn grey is his head, which is the seat of the rational faculty, while the place where he feels the most powerful pleasure is the lower,’ she replied. ‘And what does it lead to?’ I asked. ‘A reduction in the capacity to think,’ she replied. ‘And what is the point of his needing an ounce of meat to fill his face, and finding it’s turned into a pound on his buttocks?’ ‘That,’ she said, ‘belongs to the first category.’⁹⁰ ‘You seem to be saying,’ I said, ‘that men were created to serve the needs of women.’ ‘Quite so,’ she responded, ‘just as women were to serve the needs of men.’

      4.6.5

      قلت اى نفع فى تحتّت الاسنان * قالت الاكل على هيْنة فيمرؤ الطعام * قلت اى نفع فى تعميش العينين * قالت عدم روية الحسان ليلًا فانهن اروع فيه وافتن * قلت اى نفع فى العَرَج * قالت الراحة من الجرى ورآ القِرصافة الزقزاقة * قلت اى نفع فى السدّة * قالت الذهول عن العَبِقة * قلت وفى الصمم * قالت عن الرُمُم * قلت وفى الجهل * قالت توفر الصحة للبدن والراحة للبال * فان الجاهل لا يفكر فى الامور الدقيقة المتعبة * فاذا نام اهنأه النوم واذا طَعِم شيا امرأه * لا كدابك فى الهينمة انآ الليل واطراف النهار فما اسمع منك الا تعديد قوافى * وذكر نؤْىٍ واثافى * ودوارس عوافى * وظعائن خوافى * واذا جلست للطعام اتيت بالكتاب معك فجعلت الصفحة تلو الصحفة * فتاكل لقمة * وتقرا فقرة * وتكرع من الشراب كرعة وتتلو اُسطورة * ولذلك — قلت قد فهمت من هذا الاكتفآ عدم الاكتفآ * ولكن كثرة القرآة ينشا عنها كثرة التصوّر الباعثة على كثرة التشوّق * قالت ولكن كثرة التشوق ينشا عنها الترويلية او الزمالقية والمقصود الجحّادية اللَحِكية * وقد طالما احوج وجود الاولى الى البحث عن وجود الثانية * ولكن دعنا من هذه الملاحك والمغامس * كيف وجدت مدينة لندن *

      “‘And what good,’ I asked, ‘comes of the crumbling of the teeth?’ ‘Slow eating,’ she replied, ‘so that the food is well digested.’ ‘And what good,’ I asked, ‘comes of the dimming of the eyes?’ ‘Inability to see the ladies at night,’ she replied, ‘for that is when they are at their most delightful and captivating.’ ‘And what good comes,’ I asked, ‘of being lame?’ ‘Relief,’ she replied, ‘from running after quickly tripping women who bowl along like a ball.’ ‘What good comes,’ I asked, ‘of a stuffed-up nose?’ ‘Indifference to sweet-smelling women,’ she replied. ‘Of deafness?’ I asked. ‘To smart-talking girls,’ she replied. ‘And of ignorance?’ I asked. ‘Abundance of health for the body and rest for the mind,’ she replied, ‘for the ignorant man gives no thought to minute and tiresome matters. When he sleeps, his slumber makes him happy and when he eats something, it does him good—unlike your habit of muttering day and night, so that all I hear from you is your voice as on it drones, counting off rhymes and speaking of trenches and firestones,⁹¹ campsites half-erased and concealed women in camel litters raised; and when you sit down to eat, you bring your book with you and for every plate you consume a page, then eat a morsel and read a paragraph, or drink, belch, and recite a line. That is why . . .’ ‘I gather from this excellent sufficiency that I stand accused of insufficiency, but much reading leads to much visualizing, which gives rise to much desire,’ I said. ‘But much desire,’ she answered, ‘gives rise to a state of semi-erection and premature ejaculation, when what’s called for is piercing procrastination, and how often has the presence of the first required a search for the second! But enough of piercing-places and plunging-places. How did you find London?’

      4.6.6

      قلت رايت فيها النسآ اكثر من الرجال واجمل * قالت لو ذهبت اليها امراة لرأت بعكس ذلك فان نسآ الانكليز فى هذه الجزيرة لسن حسانا والحسن كله فى الرجال * قلت هولا نخبة البلاد انتقتهم الدولة حسانا ليخيفوا العدو فى الحرب * قالت بل الامر بالعكس فان الجميل لا يخيف وان يكن عدوا وانما القبيح هو الذى يخيف * اَلا ترى انهم يقولون رجل باسل ومتبسّل اى شجاع وهو فى الاصل الكريه المنظر * قلت وقد قالوا ايضا راعه بمعنى اعجبه واخافه * قالت المعنى واحد فانه ماخوذ من الرُوع^١ اى القلب فروية الجميل تصيب القلب بل وسائر الجوارح * ثم قالت وكيف رايت دكاكينها واسواقها * قلت اما الدكاكين فملآنة من الخز والحرير والتحف البديعة * قالت هل مَن هو فيها