Always in My Heart. Kayla Perrin

Though Deanna and Natalie had spoken in general at breakfast, Callie noted that they hadn’t truly spoken to each other. There was clearly still awkwardness, which she supposed was to be expected, given the rift that had been between them.

       But that was an issue Callie would have to worry about later. For now, she had to deal with breaking the news to her son that he had a father.

       Walking with him upstairs, she led him to the bedroom, then sat him on the bed. She took a seat beside him and covered his hands with hers.

       “What is it, Mom?” Kwame asked, his eyes wide with concern.

       “I have something important to tell you.” She sighed. “And it’s not easy for me. But I want you to know that whatever questions you have, I’ll answer. Okay?”

       Kwame nodded. “Okay.”

       Callie paused a moment, gathering her courage, then forged ahead. “Remember how when you asked me who your father was, and I told you he was someone from my past? That I had my reasons for leaving him and didn’t want to say much more?”

       Kwame nodded. “Yeah.”

       Callie had known that her son had more questions, but he had respected her. He was sensitive that way. She guessed that he assumed she would tell him more when she was ready.

       “Well, I want to tell you about your father now. He lives here, in Cleveland.”

       She watched as his eyes grew as wide as saucers. “He does?”

       “Yeah.”

       A long beat passed. Then Kwame softly said, “I always thought my dad was dead.”

       “You did?”

       “Uh-huh. I thought…I thought if he was alive, you would have told me about him.”

       Callie smiled softly. Of course. In his young mind, he had come up with a reasonable explanation for his father’s absence in his life. Because Kwame knew other kids whose parents weren’t together, but they still had a relationship with both their mother and father. He had clearly figured his father was dead for him not to know him at all.

       The fact that Kwame had assumed his father was deceased made Callie feel even worse for her having kept him in the dark all these years.

       “He’s definitely not dead,” Callie said. “And what I’m going to say may be hard for you to hear. I only hope that you know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt you.”

       Kwame nodded.

       “Your father and I…before you were born, we’d had our differences. Differences that led me to believe that raising you alone was the best thing. I didn’t even tell him I was pregnant.” Callie paused, noted that her son was looking at her with interest and compassion, not judgment. He was wise beyond his years.

       “It was the wrong decision, honey. And a big part of me feels embarrassed to admit this to you, but I don’t want you to be mad at him.”

       “So he never knew about me?” Kwame asked. “At all?”

       “No, sweetheart. I want to make that clear to you. It’s not like your father knew you existed and chose not to be a part of your life. I…I feel awful for what I did, but all I can say is that at the time, I had my reasons. Reasons that seemed good to me. A lot has happened in the last couple weeks that has made it clear that I was wrong, and that you ought to know who your father is.” Callie paused. “So that’s where I went this morning. To see your father and tell him about you.”

       Kwame was silent, and Callie could see in his eyes that he was processing everything. After several seconds, he asked, “What did he say?”

       “That he wants to meet you.”

       Kwame’s smile was hesitant. “He did?”

       “Of course.” She ran a hand over his head affectionately. “Of course he would.” She kissed Kwame’s cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him before, but I was scared.”

       “You were?”

       “Yes. With each day that passed that I didn’t tell you about your father and where he lived, it became harder to know what to say to you when the time came. Mostly because I wasn’t ready to contact him about you. I was worried about how he would react if I told him the truth.”

       “Was he mad?”

       Callie nodded. “Uh-huh,” she said, opting for the truth. “But he had a right to be. And he could have been more upset. But the most important thing for him was learning that he had a son.”

       Another pause ensued. Then Kwame asked, “What’s his name?”

       “His name is Nigel. Nigel Williams.”

       “What does he do?”

       “He’s a police officer. Actually, a detective. He solves murders.”

       “Cool,” Kwame said.

       Callie was glad that her son was immediately warming to the idea of having a father, rather than being shocked and hurt that she hadn’t told him the truth all along.

       But he didn’t say what she had expected him to say, that he wanted to meet his father, so Callie asked. “Honey, do you want to meet him? I know this is all so sudden—”

       “I want to meet him today,” Kwame said with enthusiasm. Then he immediately glanced away. “Unless…unless you don’t want me to.”

       Callie’s heart ached to hear those words from her son’s mouth, but could she blame him? “The whole reason I’m telling you about him is because I want you to get to know him,” she explained. “I figured that you might need some time before meeting him, to process it all, but it seems that you’re as eager to meet him as he is to meet you.”

       “Will it be today?” Kwame expelled an audible breath, one full of nervousness.

       “As I said, your father is a police officer, so he’s got to go to court today and work later, but tomorrow morning, we’ll go meet him. Sound good?”

       “Sure,” Kwame said.

       “Great.” Now Callie was the one to exhale nervously. This was really going to happen. Kwame and Nigel would finally meet.

       “Can I go downstairs now?” Kwame asked.

       “Of course.”

       As he bounded out of the room, a smile touched Callie’s lips. Her son had taken this news very well.

       Thank God for the resilience of children.

       But the real test would come tomorrow.