Passport to Happiness. Carrie Stone

if something inside me isn’t addressed first? Secondly, and perhaps less profound, but still important; the reminder of my good friend Tilly. Isn’t it about time I got in contact with her?

      *

      I look down at my ski boots and up again at Elena. I can tell she’s losing her patience, it’s not the first time she’s told me I have to use the edge of the skis when slowing down. I sigh and try not to wince as I shuffle my bruised feet forward. It’s safe to say that skiing isn’t my forte. I honestly didn’t think it’d be this hard.

      Sure, it was fun for the first day upon arrival at my log-cabin-style hotel with its roaring fire and hot wine. Then there was the excitement of my first time in full ski attire, the thrill of the cable car looking down on the white expanse below and the adrenalin of my first time on the slope. The après-ski however, was a slightly different affair. Instead of the jet-set fashionistas I was expecting, it’s mostly been Jägerbomb-loving men in baggy clothing. And let’s not forget the panda-eyed, middle-aged ski instructors acting like vultures around every single, female beginner that crosses their path. In all, it’s been a positive experience and I’m pleased I spent my final few days here. Now though, I’m over the skiing and most especially this final tutorial. Carrying poles in one hand and heavy skis on my shoulder whilst slipping and sliding in my robot boots is wearing thin. I’m cold, tired and looking forward to a hot chocolate and a pastry in the café. My mobile vibrates in my pocket just as Elena wraps up the lesson.

      ‘That’s it then, you’re all set for the time being.’ She smiles at me as she pulls up her goggles and reaches for her poles. ‘You’ve got enough basics now to enjoy the bunny hill for the rest of your stay. Did you say you’re off home tomorrow or was it Friday?’

      ‘Tomorrow morning actually.’ I shuffle alongside her, watching as she effortlessly seems to glide. ‘It’s been a great break but reality beckons. Back to the grind I go.’ Laughing lightly, I feel a sense of dread at the thought of home and the mountain of work that awaits.

      ‘Reality is what you make it,’ she says matter-of-factly, turning to me with a bemused expression. ‘I couldn’t imagine being back in Russia or doing any other job but this. I really enjoy my life here.’

      Following her gaze, I stare at the expanse of snow-tipped mountains surrounding us, against the backdrop of an icy blue sky etched with sun rays. ‘It’s picture perfect here. You’re really lucky.’

      Elena shakes her head, a wry smile on her face. ‘Luck doesn’t have anything to do with it. I just worked hard and took the risk to come here. Life is only ever about the risks you’re prepared to take. In my case, it paid off.’

      Chastised, I nod my head in agreement. ‘You’re right. I guess I need to start taking some more risks then!’ Smiling, I turn in the direction of Café Matterhorn. ‘Thanks for your help with the lessons. Sorry for being a bit useless.’

      ‘Not at all useless!’ She laughs. ‘But perhaps just not a natural.’ She grins and pushes off with her poles. ‘Enjoy the rest of your holiday.’

      The warmth of the café hits me as I take refuge inside. Shaking off my jacket, I slot myself into a corner seat and check my mobile. I’m surprised to discover that Tilly has already replied to the catch-up email I’d sent her after my night out with Emir. What with her usually hectic work and social schedule, it’s rare to receive anything back in less than a week. I begin to read and unsurprisingly find myself giggling within seconds. It seems I’m not the only one with a disastrous string of dates of late. By the time I get to the end of the email, she’s picked up on my original hint that I would like to visit her and there’s an overwhelming, eager demand for me to ‘Book that flight ASAP!’

      Filled with excitement at the green light to visit her in just a few short months, I’ve barely started typing a response when she appears online and a new message pops up:

      ‘Can I call if you’re free?’

      ‘Strange,’ I mutter to myself, wondering if something’s wrong and typing an immediate reply.

      ‘Yes, I’m free. Call now.’

      By my calculations of time difference, she’s mid-morning at work and should be snowed under.

      I answer on the second ring, just as a tall thin glass of hot chocolate topped with cream and marshmallows is set down in front of me. ‘Hey, how are you? It’s been a while…’

      Tilly’s giggling scoff bounces loudly at me. ‘A while! It’s been about three months since we last spoke. You need to up your game, miss.’

      ‘I guess I do, but you know how it is, places to go, mountains to see…’ I joke, feeling instant relief that things are fine and she obviously just wants to chat.

      ‘Sounds like you’re having a great time. Except the bloke part of course. I mean, it’d be nice for one of us to have some decent guy news for once. But no, the world is full of assholes.’

      ‘Yep, tell me about it.’ I sigh, thinking that if Tilly, with her slim, enviable figure and long, poker-straight brown hair, not to mention endless long legs, can’t meet a decent guy, then I definitely don’t have any chance.

      ‘So, Switzerland?’ she prompts. ‘Let me guess, you thought the slopes would be full of rich, handsome, single, athletic men?’

      ‘I haven’t met one.’ I laugh, realising that it’s true. ‘But yeah, Switzerland was a bit of a whim to be honest. I was fed up, Tilly. School’s getting me down a bit and I just needed a break.’

      ‘God, I know the feeling. I’m under such pressure here at the moment. My boss is being a bit of a bastard too. I swear, he thinks I’m after his job. You should’ve told me when you booked it, I would have joined you.’

      Taking of sip of my hot chocolate, I listen as she fills me in on the past couple of months, in turn updating her with my news and most especially, my revelation that I need to be a bit more adventurous and live a more purposeful life.

      ‘You do! You’re absolutely wasted at that school. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve put every hour under the sun into giving them 150 per cent and they shaft you every time. I don’t know why you don’t look for a different school.’

      ‘It’s funny you say that…’ I begin, relaying my findings about teaching internationally and all the opportunities I’d seen online.

      ‘Oh Everly, you have to do it!’ Tilly cuts in. ‘Coming here to Bermuda was the best decision I ever made. I’ve never been so happy or settled and I can’t imagine what life would be if I hadn’t.’

      ‘You’re different to me though, you’ve always been more of a risk-taker.’ I say, reminded of Elena the ski instructor’s words. ‘You’ve always applied for jobs beyond your ability, invested in things that others think are nuts and…’

      ‘And it’s always worked out!’ she replies, exasperation in her voice. ‘It didn’t mean I wasn’t scared or questioning it every time though.’

      ‘I know,’ I say quietly, knowing it’s true. I remember having to spend many a night encouraging her that her decision to relocate to Bermuda was a good one. ‘I really want to do it.’ I hesitate for a second, thinking of my conversation with Amy. ‘I just don’t know if it’s a mistake to do it at this point.’

      As soon as I say the words, I realise that’s what’s holding me back from making serious changes. ‘I mean, I’m thirty-three. Surely, it’s time to be thinking about marriage and babies, not upping my life and beginning from scratch elsewhere.’

      ‘Oh, quit the crap. You were at the marriage and babies stage with Jay and look where that got you! You’re only thirty-three. So am I for that matter, and I’m in the same boat – single and childless. And we both should know by now that it doesn’t matter where you are, you can’t manipulate meeting the right guy. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.’

      Sighing