Take A Look At Me Now. Miranda Dickinson

I enjoyed the shiver of anticipation as I pulled Aidan’s note from my suit jacket pocket and handed it to her. ‘It was waiting on my screen this morning.’

      Vicky picked it up and screwed up her eyes to scrutinise it. I smiled to myself. Even though everyone around her insists she needs glasses, Vicky Grocutt remains a defiant squinter, the thought of visiting an optician’s just too horrific to consider after being brought up in a family of them.

      When she realised who the note was from, she blinked at me.

      ‘Nell …’ she breathed. ‘Do you think …?’

      I shrugged and it was all I could do not to squeal out loud. ‘I’m not sure. But what else could it be?’

      She appeared to be as excited as I was, having become an expert in my love life by living it vicariously over the years. ‘I knew it! I told you he was giving you the eye yesterday in the briefing meeting. I knew I hadn’t imagined it!’

      Yesterday afternoon I hadn’t wanted to believe it, especially as things had been decidedly cool between Aidan and I over the last couple of months. But then I’d caught him glancing in my direction as our superiors droned on about planning objections and schedules, his stunning blue eyes causing the same army of butterflies to lay siege to my stomach as always. Gorgeous Aidan Matthews, with his closely cropped fair hair, square jaw and body to die for …

      Aidan’s ability to melt my resolve with one look had long been my undoing since the first day I met him in the office kitchen, six years ago. I lost all power of rational thought when he was around. Over the years the effect he had on me had covered a multitude of disappointments, broken promises and bad timings, leading me to reach the conclusion that we were probably destined to end up together. I believed that our other failed attempts had simply been a case of both of us not being ready: sometimes he’d backed away, sometimes I had. But we always ended up in each other’s arms, and that had to mean something, surely?

      ‘I don’t know what else it could be,’ I replied. ‘I think he wants us back together. And I think this could be it for us. We’re both tired of this stop-start thing going on. This could be where we get serious.’

      ‘And not before time,’ Vicky grinned. ‘Greg and I had met, moved in and were expecting Ruby by the time you guys were on your third round of “will-they-won’t-they”. You both need to stop being so feisty and settle down, in my opinion. But how do you feel about it?’

      ‘Good,’ I said, my mind still abuzz with the revelation. ‘I mean, it’s unexpected, for sure, but now I’ve had time to think about it, I think it could work.’ I could feel tears prick the corners of my eyes. ‘Oh who am I kidding? I love him, Vix!’

      My best friend scooped me into a hug, knowing exactly what this development meant for me.

      ‘Oh babe, I know you do. I want you two to get back together, have lots of hot sex and babies!’

      Since becoming a mother, just over two years ago, Vicky had decided that everybody’s life was more interesting, sexy and exciting than hers. While I knew she loved her partner Greg and adored their daughter Ruby, it seemed that she still mourned for the excitement of her single days when she was the terror of bachelors across London and the Home Counties.

      She let me go. ‘So, when are you going to see him?’

      I took a deep breath. ‘Now.’

      When I’d wished for something to change on the bus that morning, the prospect of rekindling my relationship with Aidan had been the furthest thing from my mind. It wasn’t going to change my life – not in the way I expected – but it was a start. A more settled relationship might set me up to make the changes I really wanted to make, changes that might take a few years to bring them into being. For unbeknown to anyone – even my best friend – I had been cradling a dream for years. I dreamed of running my own business. It had begun as an idea for a restaurant but when Vicky and I visited New York for a Christmas shopping trip two years ago my dream had changed. Instead of a café or restaurant, which were ten-a-penny in the capital, I began to dream about establishing a truly authentic American diner, serving pancakes, waffles and French toast for brunch and all manner of burgers, calzone, pizza and BBQ cuts for dinner. Everything prepared fresh, everything made to order. I dreamed about it when stuck in boring Council meetings, sketching doodles of interior layouts and signs on my work memo pad. In my mind it was so clear: baking fresh bread, scone-like biscuits and cinnamon rolls every morning, and crafting banana cream pies, deep-dish apple pies and batch upon batch of pancake batter every day. All of my daydreams were a world away from the never-changing schedule of procedures, plans and paperwork that my current job entailed. When Aidan and I rekindled our relationship, maybe this time I would share it with him. Besides, Aidan was lovely and whenever we had been together, we’d always been happy. Our version of happy, anyway …

      Vicky left the meeting room first, making an expert job of engaging Connie in conversation. Seeing the coast was clear, I ducked out and sprinted through the main office to Aidan’s door at the other end. Outside, I paused, checking my reflection in the darkened window of the empty office next door. Not bad, Sullivan, I told myself. My dark-blonde hair was neatly back from my face, making the most of my cheekbones and deep green eyes, and the suit I’d thrown on in a hurry after sleeping through two snoozes of my alarm that morning didn’t look too creased. Aidan wanted to see me, I reminded myself, not my choice of outfit. Straightening the hem of my jacket, I knocked.

      ‘Yes?’

      I pushed the handle and peered around the door. ‘Hi. You wanted to see me?’ Play the game, Nell. Enjoy the chase …

      Aidan’s blue eyes sparkled and he rose from his chair. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. You look … great, Nell.’

      Yes I do, Aidan. ‘Thank you. As do you.’

      ‘Quick, come in and shut the door.’

      I did as he asked, willing my heart rate to slow as images of the last time we’d got back together flashed across my mind – the passionate kisses, the locked door and the pot plant by his desk that never quite recovered from its sudden toppling … I took the seat opposite him and sat with my hands folded demurely in my lap. Aidan Matthews might want me back, but I was going to make him work for it. ‘So, here I am.’

      ‘Here you are …’ His lazy smile sashayed its way across his tanned features and I shifted a little to halt the forward route march of the butterflies in my stomach. Then he straightened and cleared his throat, the act so suddenly vulnerable that I had to fight the urge to leap across his desk and snog him for all I was worth.

      ‘Nell, there’s something I have to tell you. I’ve known since yesterday, and I have to say it came as somewhat of a shock to me. I honestly couldn’t have predicted this.’

      You’re not the only one … ‘Really?’

      His eyes were intent on me. ‘Really. I just – Nell, I don’t know how to say this, what words to use …’

      My heart went out to him. ‘Aidan, I know. Just say it.’

      A flash of confusion traversed his face. ‘You know? H-how do you …?’

      Full of confidence, I smiled and leaned towards him. ‘I just do, Aidan. It’s written all over your face. So don’t worry about the right words: just say it.’

      ‘Wow.’ He looked bewildered but relieved at my invitation. ‘You’re being incredible about this – you are a wonderful woman …’

      My smile broadened as I cast a quick glance in the direction of the not-so-healthy yucca plant by his desk. Prepare for another re-potting, plant …

      ‘… That’s why it’s such a tragedy we’re going to lose you.’

      I don’t know what happened then: it was as if what Aidan said was usurped by the words the Aidan Matthews in my mind was at that moment expressing: I love you, Nell. I can’t fight it any more. Will you