Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

he fell on to his back. “No no!” he managed to say between gales of laughter. “They always say that! Always get it wrong!”

      Tanith took one more step, and dropped her smile. The sword flashed from her coat but the troll saw it just in time and squealed and rolled.

      Tanith cursed and swiped again, but the troll dodged beneath her and she spun and kicked out, sending him sprawling. He scrambled to his feet, hissing and spitting at her as she advanced, and then, in the warm London night, the sound of Big Ben. Midnight.

      Tanith lunged but it was too late. The troll skipped back as his shoulders hunched and he snarled and started to grow.

      “Nuts,” Tanith whispered to herself.

      Muscles bulged in his arms and legs, stretching the skin so tight it looked like it might split. She moved forward again but he flipped back through the air, and when he landed he was as tall as she was. His chest broadened and his neck thickened and still he grew, and still he snarled. His bones popped and he finished growing. He was now almost twice her size.

      Facing down a fully-grown troll was not what she had planned. She held the sword down by her leg and circled the creature.

      “You cheated,” the troll said, his voice deep and guttural now.

      “You’ve been a very naughty boy,” she said.

      “Gobble you up. Gobble you all up, yes yes.”

      Tanith shot him a smile. “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough…”

      The troll roared and lunged, moving fast despite his size, but Tanith was ready. She slipped to the side and then past him, her sword opening up his thigh. He hissed in pain and swung a massive fist that slammed into her back. She hit the ground hard. He went to stamp on her but she rolled, coming up on one knee and bringing the sword from her side to her shoulder and the blade found his arm.

      The troll stumbled back and she got to her feet.

      “Gonna bite you,” the troll growled, “gonna bite you into little pieces, yes yes.”

      “The game’s not so much fun when you’re playing with someone who can fight back, is it?”

      “My bridge,” he snarled. “My game.”

      She smiled at him. “My rules.”

      Another roar and he dived straight at her and she stood her ground. One swipe of the sword took the fingers on his left hand and he howled in pain and staggered back and she jumped. She planted her feet on his chest and swung, the blade flashing in the bridge’s lights as it took his head. The troll’s body stumbled back and she jumped off. The body hit the barrier and tipped backwards into the river.

      Tanith stooped to pick up the head and moved to the barrier. She turned as a man walked up. She had never met him before but she knew who he was. He was tall and bald, and his face was lined and his eyes were a startling blue, the palest eyes she had ever seen. His name was Mr Bliss.

      Mr Bliss nodded to the head in her hand. “Risky.”

      “I’ve fought trolls before,” she said respectfully.

      “I meant the risk you took with being seen.”

      “It had to be done. This troll has killed many innocent people.”

      “But that’s what trolls do. You can’t blame him for doing what nature intended.” She didn’t know how to respond. Mr Bliss smiled.

      “I’m not berating you,” he said. “You’ve done a noble and selfless thing. That is to be admired.”

      “Thank you.”

      “You puzzle me, however. I have been keeping an eye on your progress over the last few years. It is unusual to find a mage, even an Adept like you, focusing as heavily on physical conflict as you have done. Yet you don’t seek power.”

      “I just want to help people.”

      “And that is what puzzles me.”

      “My mother used to tell me stories about the war,” she said. “I think you may be forgetting some selfless acts of your own.”

      Mr Bliss smiled softly. “There is no heroism in war – there are simply things that need to be done. The heroes come later. But I am not here to discuss philosophies.”

      He looked at her with his startling blue eyes. “A storm is brewing, Miss Low. Coming events will threaten to turn the tide of power in this world, and so I have left my place of solitude and come here, searching for you. I have a need for someone of your ability and your outlook.”

      “I’m not sure I understand.”

      “The sorcerer Serpine is about to break the Truce. If I fail in my endeavours, we will once again slip into war. I need you on our side.”

      “It would be an honour,” Tanith said.

      “We have much to learn from each other,” Mr Bliss responded, bowing. “Make your way to Ireland,” he said, “and I will be in touch with you soon.”

      She nodded and he walked away. Tanith threw the troll’s head into the Thames and, hiding her sword under her coat, walked off in the other direction.

       10

      THE GAL IN BLACK

      tephanie was woken the next morning by the stereo playing very loudly indeed. Her dad had been trying to tune into a news station and the volume knob had snapped off, so instead of a quiet little traffic report they were treated to Wagner’s The Ride of the Valkyries at full blast. He had lost the remote control down the back of the sofa and hadn’t the first clue how to turn the stereo off. The music reverberated through the floor and in the walls. There was no escaping its sheer power. By the time her mother had yanked the plug out of the socket, Stephanie was wide awake.

      Her mother poked her head in to say goodbye, and as her parents went off to work Stephanie threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. While she waited for Skulduggery to arrive, she thought about what would be a good name for her to take. Skulduggery had explained how the actual taking of a new name casts a seal around the old one – so if Stephanie took the name Crystal Hammer (she didn’t plan on it) then the name Stephanie Edgley would be instantly immune to any controlling spells. But while she only went by her given name, she was vulnerable.

      If she were to have a new name, it would have to be a name she wouldn’t be embarrassed about in years to come. It would have to be something classy and also something she felt comfortable with. Skulduggery had told her about people who’d taken names like Razor and Phoenix, and how he wouldn’t advise anyone to take a name that seemed cool. He’d once been introduced to a woman who had put on a little weight over the years, and her hair had been a bit windswept and she had spinach in her teeth, and he was told her name was Jet. Jet did not suit this woman, the same way Razor did not suit the short fat man who took that as a name.

      Stephanie looked up from her desk as Skulduggery knocked on the window. She opened it.

      “I thought girls were supposed to be tidy,” he said as he peered in.

      Stephanie kicked some underwear under her bed and ignored the comment. “You OK out there?”

      “I’ve been perched on worse roofs, believe me.”

      “My parents have gone to work, you know. You could have used the door.”

      “Doors are for people with no imagination.”

      “Are you sure no one saw you? The last thing I need is for a neighbour to be passing