Mirror, Mirror. Paula Byrne

on a toilet seat for fear she would contract a disease. Many years later, I discovered the reason for her paranoia. At the time, it was just another mystery to be kept ‘from the Child’.

Then we unpacked the boxes. All of them were marked in German so that only we would understand their contents. The first box contained her African doll, her lucky mascot, her ‘savage’. He was a present from Mo, and he sat on her dressing table, propped up by the mirror. He was always the first to be unpacked and the last to be packed. I never liked him.

      Besides, I had my own doll, with silky flaxen-blonde hair, like Mother’s, and enormous blue eyes. My Heidi. Mother said she was very expensive. She came from a famous shop on Regent’s Street in London. When I lay her down, her eyelids closed, like magic. When I pressed her tummy, she cried ‘Mama’. She had her own wardrobe: an outfit for every occasion. I loved to dress and undress Heidi. No one could be a better mother than I was to my doll. On special occasions, I would allow her into my bed.

      Travis, one of the kindest of Mother’s friends, made doll clothes that were miniature versions of the ones he made for Mother. He even made Heidi a real sable coat and matching muff to keep her warm. He would wrap the doll clothes in fine tissue, and tie them with pink grosgrain ribbon. Travis was a man interested in detail. He told me that he was born in Texas, where the men rode horses and wore cowboy hats, even to the office. He spoke to me as he would to a grown-up, and if I didn’t understand a particular English word, he would take out his pencil and draw an image to explain it.

Travis had a secret. When he thought that no one was watching, he would take out his hip flask and pour amber liquid into his coffee, his hands trembling. He had such beautiful hands; slender and elegant, with perfectly polished nails. On his pinky finger, he wore a gold and black ring. I think he knew that I was watching him, but he knew that I would never tell on him. I was so good at keeping secrets.

      After I unpacked Mother’s savage doll, I undressed Heidi and put on her white lace nightdress. I brushed out her long blonde hair with a doll brush that was made of real silver. I popped her into her doll bed. Then I got back to work.

      Mother and I decanted vases, gramophone, records, ashtrays, cigarette boxes, pens, pencils, writing paper, special padded hangers, towels, bath mats, flasks. Thermoses, containing her beef tea and chicken soup, soon lined the shelves. Mother was the only star to have her own kitchen appended to her dressing room. Her famous goulash would bubble away on the stove, scenting the air with caraway and sweet paprika.

      I went to the studio every day with Mother because of the Lindbergh baby who was taken away and killed in the woods. Mother, hysterical with fear, hired a bodyguard, who stationed himself outside her dressing room. To keep me busy, Mother gave me a list of duties.

      Shine the shoes

      Pass the hairpins

      Pour the coffee (morning)

      Pour the champagne (evening)

File the flower cards

      Open the mail

      Put cufflinks in boxes

      Sharpen the black wax eye pencils

      Pop out the top hat (this was probably my favourite)

      The one duty I didn’t like very much was tidying her vanity table. It was always cluttered with pots of cold cream, flacons of No. 37 Veilchen, make-up, brushes, sponges, photographs, and the savage who stared at me with its tiny red eyes.

      I kept my eyes averted from the silver and black glass triptych … mustn’t catch its eye. But I knew he was watching me, trying not to laugh at me, keeping his disdain at bay.

I Like America

      Night falls quickly in Hollywood. The Child removes her mother’s shoes and leaves them to cool. Later, they will be stuffed with tissue and stored away in their chamois bags. Slippers are placed on Madou’s feet; she is wearing natty cream silk lounging pajamas, with a black velvet trim.

      She looks at me, her reflection in threes. The Holy Trinity. A nimbus of light frames her face. She rubs on cold cream, flannels it off, stares again with deep concentration. Her fair hair is damp and swept back from her face. Her skin is pale, slightly pink, translucent like the finest porcelain. She resembles a beautiful boy. Beautiful boy triplets. How divine. I hum softly:

      Mad about the boy

      I know it’s stupid to be mad about the boy

      On the silver screen

      He melts my foolish heart in every single scene …

Madou picks up the telephone. As usual, she’s booked a call to the husband she never sees, back in Europe: ‘Papi, sweetheart, Chevalier told me Lombard smells of cheap talcum powder, so I said, “What place did you smell it?” So, of course he was stuck and couldn’t answer. Can you imagine his face? Mo was magnificent today. Do you know what he said to me? “No one lights you like I do, because no one loves you like I do.” He knows now that he should never have abandoned me. That last picture was an abortion. We belong together. With this picture, we will make history. She has never looked more beautiful, but it’s all down to Mo.’

      The Child pours a glass of champagne from the ice bucket, and places it on the poudreuse. She is reading something; fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm, no doubt she’ll skip over Schneewittchen. She’s munching on potato chips, stuffing them into her cakehole, in greedy, fat handfuls.

      Madou squints at her reflection, and then relaxes into a state of dreamy contemplation as she continues her telephone conversation: ‘Peter has as much sex appeal as a dish of leftover potato salad. Of course, that pleases Mo. He’s so jealous, unlike you, Papi, who have every right to be jealous, but is never. I have to go now. Kisses to you.’

Tonight, Madou is gay and jocular, but I, for one, have not forgotten her agony when her director ran away. Memory is viciously insistent on such occasions. Again and again, late at night, tired and alone, she’s gazed into me, eyes half-closed in recollection, and told me, told herself, the story. How Mo had discovered her in the filthy backstreets of Berlin, brought her to Hollywood, made her a star, and then left her to the mercy of this nest of vipers.

      She was just nineteen and the mother of a baby girl when she boarded the boat train at the Lehrter Bahnhof for New York followed by the long train ride to Pasadena. The little man was dismayed when he first saw her in her grey two-piece suit, looking like a lesbian; he instructed her to lose weight, and to buy better clothes.

      Just like that – ‘lose the weight’ and, good soldier that she is, she did. She stopped eating. She took up smoking, sipped beef tea and hot water with Epsom Salts and drank endless cups of coffee. She loathed American coffee, but she drank the ‘gnat’s piss’ all the same.

      She adores Mo, refusing to believe the stories that he began his working life as an errand boy in a lace-making warehouse in New York. In her eyes, he was a genius of aristocratic Prussian stock. Her saviour.

      In Hollywood, he set about the business of lighting. He despised most actors. ‘Directing actors is practising puppetry,’ he told her. ‘It’s about light and shadow.’

That first day on the hot set, she complained about her Slavic nose. He smiled, took out a phial and painted a silver line on the centre of the nose – then climbed onto the set to adjust a tiny spot to shine directly on the line from above her head, reducing the nose by a third.

      Madou was a quick learner. From that moment on, she would sit before me or some other mirror, and draw a line of white paint down the centre of her nose (in a shade lighter than her base), lining the inside of her lower eyelid with white greasepaint – using the rounded edge of a thin hairpin.

      Then she held a saucer over a candle, where a black carbon smudge would form on the underside, and mixed in a few drops of lanolin. Warmed and mixed with the soot,