Five Go Glamping. Liz Tipping

gave me another dig. Chelsea Aurora Moonbeam instructed us to close our eyes. I looked at Steph to see if she had closed her eyes. They were half closed. I closed my eyes.

      ‘Take three deep breaths. Visualise who you want to be. Maybe it’s someone you know. Someone people love to be around. What does she look like? This could be the woman you want to be, the woman you want to become.’

      I wasn’t very good at this stuff and I didn’t really want to play but I did see a blurry figure coming into view. It was bloody Doris. Oh God, it’s Doris. Why am I thinking of Doris?

      ‘How does she walk? How does she move? Is that how you move? How you would like to move?’ Ms Moonbeam was almost singing the words.

      Get out of my head Doris. Think of someone else. Anyone else. Oh good lord. Doris again? Really? ‘Can you imagine what it is like to be her? What does it feel like?’

      Oh God. It would feel vile, and I wouldn’t be able to operate a computer, and I’d drink Coftea and I’d enjoy it. I desperately tried to think of someone else.

      ‘Now imagine you are stepping into her body, you are becoming her. This is your inner goddess and you’re reconnecting with her. Doesn’t that feel good? You can be like her. Embrace her.’ I looked around at Steph, her eyes fully closed now. I tried to keep my eyes open so I could escape my Doris vision but Chelsea Aurora Moonbeam’s voice was so soothing and hypnotic. As much as I tried to resist, there I was stepping into Doris, sealing my fate as a mad cat lady.

      ‘Breathe it in.’ said Chelsea, making lots of oohing and ahhing noises. ‘Doesn’t it feel wonderful?’

      No, it didn’t feel wonderful. It felt like crap.