Last of the Summer Wine. Richard Webber

‘CHEERING UP GORDON’

       Ivy and Sid are holidaying in Scarborough. They’re sat in deckchairs on the beach. Sid is dozing in his chair making light snoring noises. Ivy is deeply involved in a women’s romantic magazine. Sid snores and reality kicks in. She belts him with the magazine as she compares her husband to the hunk in her magazine.

      SID: (Startled) What’s up?

      IVY: Talk to me.

      SID: What.

      IVY: You never talk to me not even when we, well you know…(in a low voice) not even when we make love.

      SID: There’s not much to talk about, the rate we go at it. You still do it as if your mother’s watching.