Dad’s Army: The Story of a Very British Comedy. Graham McCann

hours of the day’, and remained ‘an invaluable addition to our armed forces and an essential part of the effective defence of the island’;⁸⁵ and King George VI announced that, as a sign of his ‘appreciation of the services given by the Home Guard with such devotion and perseverence’, he had agreed to become its Colonel-in-Chief.⁸⁶ Early the following year, Churchill – fearing that a forthcoming satirical film by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, would encourage people to regard the Home Guard as little more than a comical anachronism⁸⁷ – urged the War Office to find further ways to make the force ‘feel that the nation realises all it owes to these devoted men’, adding that they needed ‘to be nursed and encouraged at this stage in their life’.⁸⁸ That May, following Churchill’s prompting, the third anniversary celebrations were greater and grander than ever: there was another ‘Home Guard Sunday’ – Churchill had wanted a ‘Home Guard Week’⁸⁹ – with ceremonial parades throughout the country and a march of 5,000 Home Guards through central London. The King, who took the salute, praised the force for attaining such a ‘high standard of proficiency’, and assured it that, as the Army directed its attention elsewhere, ‘the importance of your role will … inevitably continue to increase’.⁹⁰ Churchill was in Washington during the time of these celebrations, but he still managed to make the most memorable contribution with a lengthy radio broadcast designed specifically to restore a sense of pride and self-importance within the force: ‘People who note and mark our growing mastery of the air, not only over our islands but penetrating into ever-widening zones on the Continent, ask whether the danger of invasion has not passed away,’ he observed. ‘Let me assure you of this: That until Hitler and Hitlerism are beaten into unconditional surrender the danger of invasion will never pass away.’ Noting that any prospect of invasion hinged on the strength of the forces deployed to meet it, he reaffirmed his faith in the Home Guard:

      [I]f the Nazi villains drop down upon us from the skies, any night … you will make it clear to them that they have not alighted in the poultry run, or in the rabbit-farm, or even in the sheep-fold, but that they have come down in the lion’s den at the Zoo! Here is the reality of your work; here is that sense of imminent emergency which cheers and inspires the long routine of drills and musters after the hard day’s work is done.

      The Allies, he added, were now moving overseas, leaving the Home Guard with greater responsibility than ever: ‘It is this reason which, above all others, prompted me to make you and all Britain realise afresh … the magnitude and lively importance of your duties and of the part you have to play in the supreme cause now gathering momentum as it rolls forward to its goal.’⁹¹

      The celebrations and speeches seemed to work, but not for long, and before any more bouquets could be brandished the realities of the strategic situation had started to sink in. During the first half of 1943, it had still been possible to contemplate the possibility of some sudden reversal in Allied fortunes; by the end of the year it had become clear that the Germans, now without their Axis partner Italy, were well on their way to defeat. The Home Guard, as a consequence, gradually lost its sense of purpose. All except the keenest Home Guards came to resent the obligation to surrender their evening hours in order to train for a non-existent battle, and absenteeism grew increasingly common.⁹²

      The Home Guard’s long, slow, inexorable decline dragged on into 1944. The fourth anniversary of its formation was duly marked in May with the usual array of strenuously celebratory events; on this occasion, however, the applause failed to distract the men from their misgivings. After D-Day, in June, it was evident to all that what the future held in store was not battle honours but redundancy. On 6 September, it was announced that Home Guard operational duties were being suspended and all parades would from now on be voluntary.⁹³ At the end of the following month came confirmation of the inevitable: the Home Guard was to stand down on 14 November. Although few volunteers were entirely surprised by the decision to disband, many were taken aback by the speed at which it was set to be executed. ‘We learned that, like the grin on Alice’s Chesire Cat’, wrote one embittered volunteer, ‘we were to fade out, leaving no trace of our existence.’⁹⁴ It seemed for a time that the men would be ordered to give back their uniforms, but Churchill, anticipating the probable public reaction to such a patently mean-spirited act, intervened to cancel the plan, insisting that ‘there can be no question of the Home Guard returning their boots or uniforms’.⁹⁵

      The end, when it came, was met with dignity. On Sunday, 3 December 1944, more than 7,000 Home Guards, drawn from units all over Britain, marched in the rain through the West End of London, and concluded with a parade in Hyde Park before their Colonel-in-Chief, King George VI. ‘History,’ he told them, ‘will say that your share in the greatest of all our struggles for freedom was a vitally important one.’⁹⁶ That evening, shortly after nine o’clock, the Home Guard, which had begun with one radio broadcast, ended with another – this one delivered by the King:

      Over four years ago, in May 1940, our country was in mortal danger. The most powerful army the world had ever seen had forced its way to within a few miles of our coast. From day to day we were threatened with invasion.

      For most of you – and, I must add, for your wives too – your service in the Home Guard has not been easy. Some of you have stood for many hours on the gun sites, in desolate fields, or wind-swept beaches. Many of you, after a long and hard day’s work, scarcely had time for food before you changed into uniform for the evening parade. Some of you had to bicycle for long distances to the drill or the rifle range …

      But you have gained something for yourselves. You have discovered in yourselves new capabilities. You have found how men from all kinds of homes and many different occupations can work together in a great cause, and how happy they can be with each other. I am very proud of what the Home Guard has done and I give my heartfelt thanks to you all … I know that your country will not forget that service.⁹⁷

      ‘The Home Guard,’ sighed General Pownall back in the early days of its existence, ‘are indeed a peculiar race.’⁹⁸ If, by ‘peculiar’, he not only meant ‘odd’ but also ‘special’, he had a point, because in spite of the lingering imprecision of its status and the nagging inadequacy of its instruction, this unlikely alliance of the wide and rheumy eyed won real respect for its readiness to stand, and wait, and serve. ‘When bad men combine,’ wrote Burke, ‘the good must associate,’⁹⁹ and the men of the Home Guard did so without hesitation or fuss. At their peak they numbered 1,793,000;¹⁰⁰ their gallantry earned them 2 George Crosses, 13 George Medals, 11 MBEs, 1 OBE, 6 British Empire medals and 58 commendations; 1,206 volunteers were either killed on duty or died from wounds, and 557 more sustained serious injuries; they cost little, but contributed much.¹⁰¹ The glory passed them by, but not the gratitude.

       CHAPTER II A Cunning Plan

       Comedy on television is a lot like comedy in Burlesque. It’s not how funny are you; it’s how many weeks can you be funny? ¹

      PHIL SILVERS