Borrow Trouble. Mary Monroe

at the police headquarters now. They brought me out of my…cell so I could call you.” The words felt like bullets shooting out of my mouth.

      “What in the hell have you gotten yourself into, woman? I told you that women shouldn’t be running around loose on a vacation without a man along to keep an eye on them! I told you not to go off down there with that wild-ass Inez. Now, what kind of a mess did she drag you into?”

      “This has nothing to do with Inez. Well, in a way it does—”

      “Stop beating around the fucking bush, and tell me what the hell happened down there! What in the hell did you do that got you arrested? I’ve never even known you to jaywalk, or break any other law!”

      I took another very deep breath and then forced the words out of my mouth like vomit. “Leon, they’ve arrested me for…prostitution.” The silence that followed for the next ten seconds was excruciating. I could not imagine what was going through my husband’s mind. He was an auditor for the IRS, and he often shared some lovely job-related stories with me. Some involved a group of sophisticated call girls who serviced some of Cleveland’s most powerful officials. When they did their taxes each year, each woman listed her job as self-employed “public relations coordinator.” Leon had audited some of these women and was appalled at how they always managed to slink out of identifying mysterious “business-related” expenses with the help of their powerful friends. I knew that prostitutes were a patch of major thorns in my husband’s side. Now here I was confessing to him that I was one.

      “What…did…you…say?” Leon drawled in a slow, tentative tone of voice. Five more seconds of silence followed. “What the hell is going on down there? Where’s Inez?”

      “I don’t know where Inez is. We had a fight the day before yesterday. She got mad and moved to another hotel. I was so pissed off and confused, I needed to do something to get my mind off what had happened with Inez.” I sniffed so hard that the inside of my nose burned. I had to rub and hold it for a few moments. “So I went to this club by myself last night. This guy, one of the locals, was there. I’d seen him around the beach and at a few other places. He seemed real friendly and safe. He joined me, and I told him why I was so upset. Well, one thing led to another. I went to his room with him to, uh, calm down. Next thing I know, uh, I am in bed with him.” I paused because I was losing my breath. I thought I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t even hear Leon breathing. “Honey, are you still there?” I asked in a meek voice.

      “I’m listening!” he roared.

      “This man, he was setting me up. He works for the police.”

      “This man you fucked?”

      “Uh-huh.”

      “This friendly and safe man you hopped into bed with willingly?”

      “Uh-huh.”

      “How was he setting you up if you went to bed with him without being forced?”

      “After we finished…after I got back into my clothes.” I had to pause again. This was the part that was the hardest for me to deal with. “He offered me some money. I only took it because…because he was so bad in bed. That’s the only reason I took the money. Well, I did ask him for cab fare, but that was all I asked for. Anyway, he handed me two hundred dollars…and…and I took it. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was too late.”

      “But you did it, anyway?” Leon’s voice was so detached and cold, it made me shiver in the hundred-degree heat. The bad connection made it seem even worse. In addition to the static and whistling noises, now there was an echo each time one of us spoke.

      “Well, yeah. This is a crazy place, baby. Down here, my taking that money made it prostitution by the laws on this island.”

      “Renee, I am sitting here listening to you, but I don’t believe my ears! Are you telling me that you—a married woman with a child and a job teaching little kids—didn’t know any better? What in the world were you thinking? Is this the way you women behave when you go on vacation?” Leon sounded ominously calm, and that frightened me even more.

      My body was so tense and rigid, I didn’t think that I could even bend myself enough to sit down, even if I had wanted to. “Leon, this is the only vacation I’ve been on without you since we got married. This is not what you think.”

      “Then what is it? You go halfway around the world to sell your pussy, and you end up in jail. What am I missing here?”

      “Leon, I can’t talk too much longer. You can say and do whatever you want to me when I get home. But we can’t go into all this over the phone. You need to get down here as soon as you can and pay my fine. They said that if I pay a ten-thousand-dollar fine, they will release me. I will get deported immediately, and I can never visit this island again, but I don’t want to come back down here again, anyway. If I don’t pay the fine, I could go to jail for three months,” I sobbed.

      “Is there anything else about you that I don’t know?” Leon sneered.

      “What? Like what?” I sniffed, holding back more tears.

      “You tell me. I’ve known you all these years, and I’m just now finding out that you’re a prostitute. I’d like to know what else you are keeping from me.”

      “Leon, we are wasting valuable time. I have never done anything like this before in my life. There is nothing else that I am keeping from you. You need to get off the telephone, get the money, and then get on a plane to come down here. But I think you can wire the money if you can’t get a flight right away,” I said hopefully.

      “You no-good bitch, you! You goddamned, black-ass, slutty-ass, cocksucking heifer! Why should I come get your whoring ass?” Leon’s words stung like a whip.

      My eyes were burning; I felt like I was going to collapse. I had never been called such vile names before in my life. I wasted ten more precious seconds composing myself.

      “Leon, you have to come get me out of this mess because I am your wife. Look, school starts next month. I can’t stay down here for another three months!” I wailed. My heart was about to thump right through my chest. At least, that was the way it felt to me.

      “You knew all of that before you made a fool of yourself! It didn’t stop you. So why should I bail you out?”

      “I just told you! Because I’m your wife! You are supposed to take care of me!”

      “Sister, you better come up with a better reason than that!”

      “What do you mean by that, Leon?”

      “What the fuck do you think I mean? Goddammit!”

      The officer standing closest to me tapped the desk where the telephone was located with a baton. I glanced up at him, and he pointed to his watch. I ignored him. My legs were so wobbly, I had to hold on to the top of the desk to keep from falling.

      “Leon,” I whimpered, sweat pouring down my face and back. “If you don’t come get me, who will? You know Mama is as broke as a haint, and nobody else in my family has any money. If you don’t, I will be down here in jail for three…three months. I don’t know how to deal with that.”

      “Well, you’d better figure out a way to deal with it!”

      “What are you saying, baby?” My mouth dropped open; I gripped the edge of the desk, still ignoring the impatient officer.

      “Don’t you baby me, you heifer! You got yourself into this mess. You get yourself out! A few months in an island jail might do you some good!”

      I gasped so hard, my eyes crossed.

      “Leon, are you telling me that you are not coming down here to bail me out and take me home?” I hollered so loud, I almost lost my voice.

      “You got that right! Three months is enough time for you to think about what you did and why.”

      “If