Even As We Breathe. Annette Saunooke Clapsaddle

unlocks some of the doors I don’t need to open, too.” She smiled, twisting the key between her fingers.

      “Let me see that.” I reached out across the table.

      “No way. Do you know what trouble I’d get in? The shift manager says I can’t tell anyone I have it. Military doesn’t know we have them. They say it’s bad for security purposes, but the girls say our job would take three times as long if we didn’t have ’em.” Essie looked down at the key in her palm as if she held tangible power. She wrapped her delicate fingers around it and secured it back in her pocket. She smiled at me, tasting a small bite of potato from her fork. “I think I’ve already found a room they don’t even know about.”

      I swallowed hard and almost covered my chest in potatoes as I leaned toward her. “Really? How you know?” What I wanted to ask was why she thought she should tell me if she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Instead I assured myself that my imagined answer was far more satisfying than the truth. I also couldn’t help but wonder how she even had time to find another room on her own. I could barely keep in step with Lee’s to-do list.

      “There’s just too much for all of us girls to do. No way we can even work in pairs.”

      “I think that’d be safer.”

      “Oh, stop worrying. Anyway, I went up to the fourth floor and noticed my list had left off a room around the corner at the end. I think it must be one of those odd-shaped rooms.” She moved her fork through her potatoes as if she was drawing a map. Unsuccessfully, I tried to follow the gravy-laden path. “You know, when a building isn’t exactly rectangular, you’re going to end up with some odd rooms. I almost missed it at first. It doesn’t even have a room number on it.”

      “Did you ask the shift manager about it?”

      “Why would I do that?”

      I had no idea why she’d do that. I would. I’d ask everybody of authority I could find, most likely. But that was me, and I was pretty sure that that was most certainly not Essie. However, since the moment we got in the car together earlier in the day, I had been wrong about her.

      “Essie. It’s day one. Don’t do anything to get yourself fired already.”

      “You mean, don’t do anything to get you fired.”

      “That’s how it goes in places like this. Heck. I drove you here. Of course they’d send me down the road just as quick as you. Especially in places so tight on security and all. And look at us. It’s not like we’re like the rest of the help. Just be glad most of these guards are still trying to figure out what an Indian is. We so much as drink from the wrong fountain in front of some of these folks and that’s the end of this job.”

      “Don’t worry. I’m not going to push my luck.” She rose from the table and walked to the coffee urn. I pretended not to watch as she poured herself a cup of steaming joe, stirring in cream and a teaspoon of sugar. She returned and slid into her seat. “Still.” Essie took a sip. “What would it hurt if we just opened the door? It’s in a corner that I am sure no one looks.”

      “We?”

      “Well, if you don’t want to go …”

      “It’s not that. I surely wouldn’t let you go alone. But still, it would be twice as bad if they caught us both and the guys were saying …” Essie leaned in, smiling. I tried not to get pulled into those brown eyes. They threatened, like bottomless pools, to pull me under. “Ahh. It’s nothin’. I just mean, let’s just say the guys talk about some of those rooms. You might be surprised who you’d find behind locked doors, that’s all.”

      “Cowney. Is this another ghost story?”

      I laughed and then stopped myself. “No. No ghosts or vampires. Let’s just say it seems like everyone around here likes his privacy and it can be hard to come by. You girls may not be the only one with a key like that.” I blushed at my own insinuation. When Lee and Sol told me about the other men and their conquests of sorts, it all seemed so—I don’t know—hopeful, I guess. That the workers could find more than just work here. But with Essie sitting squarely across from me, her eyes now so focused and serious, it all seemed stupid. Just more bullshit to complicate the rules of this place. Was I really going to tell Essie that she had one more thing to be afraid of?

      “Well, I’ll be. I didn’t get that part of the tour today.” Essie raised her eyebrows, further reddening my cheeks.

      “Don’t say anything. You know how fellas talk. Probably not even true.”

      “Just so you don’t get the wrong impression, Cowney Sequoyah. I want to see what’s in the room. You are welcome to join me. But let’s be clear. You and I going into that room is not what your fellas are talking about. I am not that type of girl. I’ve seen some of these chambermaids and …”

      I held up my palms in front of her. “I gotcha. Trust me. That’s the farthest thing from my mind.” Of course it wasn’t. Hadn’t been since Lee told me about secret rendezvous earlier in the day. But I was darn clear on where Essie stood and that anything between us, other than friendship, was more than a long shot.

      “When were you thinking about going?” I asked.

      “Tomorrow night.”

      “What!”

      “Yeah, why not?”

      “You know, most people come from a ways to work at a place like this, they tend to be homesick. Spend the first week crying into their pillow. Too afraid to even talk to folks.”

      “Oh, I’m sorry. Was that on your agenda?” She cocked her head. “Like I said, you don’t have to go.”

      “I’m just saying this seems a little quick. Don’t you want to check things out a little more?”

      “Thought that was what we were going to do.”

      I shook my head and was disappointed when she started stacking her dishes and cutlery.

      “I guess I better enjoy not doing the dishes tonight.” She rose to take them to the kitchen.

      “What do you mean?” I questioned her. “You’ve got all summer.”

      Essie let out a harsh laugh, one that made me feel like a rookie sitting on the sideline of some ill-defined game. “Well, all summer for you. They told us girls this morning that we will take turns with all the staff upkeep duties. Cooking. Cleaning the dorms. Luckily there are enough of us that we get a week off here and there.” Essie smiled slyly. “So, are you coming with me tomorrow?”

      “I don’t get it. Why are you so intent on going into some mildewed old room?”

      “I’m looking for something.”

      “What?”

      “Anything. Anything someone doesn’t want me to see.”

      I collected my dishes and followed her to the kitchen. She placed her dishes in the stack beside the large sink. A clumsy matron jerked mine from my hands. Essie swung open the kitchen door and I trailed her back through the open hall.

      Before opening the door to exit she turned to face me. “We shouldn’t leave together. It looks inappropriate.” Essie scanned the dining hall. “Meet me at the cellar door on the west end of the lobby at 6 tomorrow evening. Most of the guests will be out of the hallways. If you’re not there, I’ll just assume you aren’t coming.”

      I shook my head and walked back into the hall, feebly searching for a reason to justify my lingering.

      The whole next day was a slow grind. I was tired. And hungry. And thirsty. Sol’s constant complaints about my work hit my better sense of reason at just the wrong angle. He was a crow, I quickly recognized. Cackling crows chase—no, terrorize—the hawks over the fields. There are almost always two or three crows circling the poor, though obviously stronger, hawk. That was Sol, a