Who You Were Meant to Be. Lindsay C. Gibson

      Before reading any further in this book, take a sheet of paper and start writing down answers to the question, “What do I want?” Jot down everything you can think of, from the big to the small. The only requirement is that you be scrupulously honest and put down only the things you really want, not the things you think would be good for you. If more ideas occur to you later, go back and add them on.

      When we do this exercise in the Growth Group, we use unlined white paper and have everyone hold up his or her pages afterwards, not to read but just to see how the writing looks on the page. The thing that always stands out is how much white space is usually left on the pages. People write, think, write, and still end up with plenty of paper left blank It is the equivalent of going speechless in front of a genie who has just granted you unlimited wishes. We are so trained to think about what is good for us or what other people need, that it can be hard at first to get back in touch with what we really want The point of this exercise is to start somewhere. Later, as you develop your talent for knowing what you want, you may find it much easier to add to your list.

      Another reason why the page is not filled is that we have learned how to condense many of our wishes and wants under a few abstract headings, such as “I want a satisfying relationship” or “I want to be successful.” Suppose you were the genie: don’t you think you would need a lot more information in order to fill those requests? For instance, to fill the first wish above, wouldn’t the genie need to know exactly what kind of person would be satisfying to you in a relationship? To take the “I want to be successful” wish, what precisely is success in your mind? If you see a sweeping generalization on your list that would confuse a genie, circle it. Later on you can come back and add the specifics.

       Which Area of Your Life Do You Need to Start With?

      Different people have unfulfilled dreams in different areas. Some people know who they were meant to be in the career field, and may even have pursued it successfully. But they may never have defined what they needed for real happiness in their relationships. Other people might feel very good about their marriage and yet be disappointed over their unsatisfying career. In some cases, there is dissatisfaction in many or all areas of life. It is important for you to identify in which areas of your life you do not feel you are filling your needs. These are called Life Choice Areas, because in each of these areas we have made choices that have led to either fulfillment or frustration.

      Our dissatisfaction in any life choice area is not accidental. It was probably part of a complex pattern of accommodation designed to please or impress someone else. We may feel okay about success in one area, but we may pull back in other parts of our lives if we fear we are going too far beyond what others expect of us.

      In the pie chart on the opposite page, there are sections allotted to important areas of life. Without giving it too much thought, circle the sections in which you feel you need help. What areas are not fulfilling who you were meant to be? What important parts of your life are going unlived?

      The next question, of course, is whether or not you want to change them. There may be things that you know are going unfulfilled in your life, but for many complicated reasons you may decide that now is not the time to try to change them. The next step is to pick the one area that you are most motivated to pursue at this time. Put a big star on it. You can change your choice or add a new one at any time during the reading of this book, but because we have to start somewhere, picking one area will give you a focus.

       How Do I Figure Out What My Purpose Is?

      Originally we all came into this life well-equipped to figure out what we need in order to become our most satisfied selves. Later we are often trained to forget or lose this natural knowledge; therefore, some reminders will come in handy.

       Life Choice Areas

       Where do you feel the need for more?

      There are a handful of psychological tools that help us find our right purpose. They give us crucial information through our reactions. These tools work whether we know about them or not, just as gravity holds our feet to the ground. The goal is to make them obvious and available for everyday use. All you have to do is be willing to notice your reactions on a daily basis. You have always had this information, but you may not have realized what it had to offer. Like a magnet being pulled north, we respond predictably whenever we are close to something that reminds us of who we were meant to be.

       The Tools of Self-Discovery

      Our true purpose in life is as unique as each one of us, but the tools your true self uses to communicate with you are common to everyone. Many people enjoy hearing from their subconscious mind, and allow themselves to be guided accordingly. When we are receptive, the process of communication with our true self is so smooth and natural that it requires no conscious effort on our part. If years of stifling yourself has dulled your ability to read these cues, however, then you can use the Tools of Self-Discovery:

       – The Tool of Energy Shifts: what makes your energy level change

       – The Tool of Recognition: who or what you recognize as being like you

       – The Tool of Envy: who or what you envy

       – The Tool of Appeal: what undeniably appeals to you

       – The Tool of Physical Response: what gives you a physical reaction

       – The Tool of Mental Response: what puts you in a positive mental state

      Now let’s see how you can pick up these tools and begin to shape your dream. As you use these tools, you will automatically shift your life path away from frustration and toward fulfillment.

       1) The Tool of Energy Shifts:

      Every time you get close to an area of interest that connects with who you were meant to be, you will feel a definite increase in energy. Involvement in—or even thinking about—this topic will stimulate you, making you look forward to it and want to do more of it Your energy will shift like an infallible weather- vane; it has no choice but to point in the right direction.

      If you force yourself to pursue things that are not in line with your deepest interests, you will find yourself losing energy, feeling tired, bored, and stifled. It will feel as if something inside you is not willing to go along.

       2) The Tool of Recognition:

      Things will catch your attention in the area of your true purpose Robert, a client of mine who was a frustrated actor, was unable to watch television programs without thinking about how he would have played each scene It was such a normal part of Robert’s television viewing that he had never realized what this was indicating. Bettina, a young woman who wanted to become a children’s book illustrator, could not read her daughter a bedtime story without analyzing the painting technique in the pictures, or whether or not the illustrator’s style fit the tone of the story. These people were “recognizing” the occupational skills needed to express their underlying life purposes. This sense of recognition is often accompanied by thoughts like I could do that or ideas for how you could have done it better. The critical undertone comes from the natural evaluative instinct of a person who is potentially a master in that field. We cannot help but appraise someone else’s skill in “our” area. We recognize it before we become it.

       3) The Tool of Envy:

      Look at what makes you envious and critical. It tells you that there is something you feel should have been yours, but you have allowed it to go unclaimed. Envy is one of the most reliable indicators of what we were meant to be, because it is so childishly honest. The proper purpose of envy is to spur us toward getting the object for ourselves.