A Smart Girl's Guide: Knowing What to Say. Patti Kelley Criswell

confidence in yourself.

      Which of these two girls would you rather introduce yourself to?

      Make eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes tells that person that

      you’re interested in knowing her better. If you’re not looking at the other

      person, she may think you’re bored or want to be somewhere else.

      Which of these two would you like to invite over to your house?

      Relax your arms. As soon as someone walks up, relax your arms. If you

      fold your arms across your chest, you might send a signal that says you

      want that person to stay away from you. If you place your hands on your

      hips, you might look impatient or unfriendly.

      Which of these girls would you like to ask to sit with you on the bus?

      asking for

      what you

      want

      Speaking up isn’t always easy,

      but others can’t help you if

      they don’t know what you want.

      Begin by choosing a good place

      and time to talk. Then pair con-

      fident body language and a

      good attitude with a calm voice

      and the right words.

      Quiz

      just say the word!

      How do you rank when it comes to asking for what you want?

      Take this quiz to find out.

      1. Your family is going on vacation, and you’ll have

      to miss a few days of school. You approach your

      teacher and say:

      a. “My mom says you need to give me the

      work I’ll miss.”

      b. “Could I take some work with me to keep

      from getting too far behind?”

      c. Nothing.

      2. You don’t get any playing time during the

      game, so you’re frustrated and confused.

      You walk up to the coach and say:

      a. “It’s not fair! You keep putting in your

      favorite players.”

      b. “Excuse me, Coach. I’d like to talk with

      you about my play time tonight.”

      c. “Thanks. See you at practice.”

      3. A friend asks you to come over to her

      house after the swim meet, but you’re

      exhausted. You say:

      a. “Ugh. I’m too tired.”

      b. “I would love to, but can we do it

      another day? I’m so pooped that

      I wouldn’t be any fun.”

      c. “Sure.”

      4. A girl you admire is running for student council,

      and you want to help her with her campaign.

      You say:

      a. “I’m your new campaign manager, OK?”

      b. “I think you would be a great student

      council president. Do you want help

      with your campaign?”

      c. “Good luck. Hope you win!”

      5. You want your best friend to come to your

      fancy recital, but you’ve never seen her wear

      anything but jeans. You say:

      a. “If you come, you gotta dress up. No one

      wears jeans.”

      b. “I hope you can make it to my recital.

      It’s formal, but I’d love to help you find

      something fun to wear!”

      c. Nothing. You hand her an invitation and

      hope she figures it out.

      Answers

      Bulldozer

      If you circled mostly a’s, sometimes you can be too demanding. Tone

      down your approach, or you may find people avoiding you.

      Blissfully Balanced

      If you circled mostly b’s, you know how to share what’s on your mind

      without offending or embarrassing others. Your approach will get you

      through almost anything.

      Barely Noticed

      If you circled mostly c’s, no one will be able to tell what you want or

      need—you’re not telling! You find it hard to speak up, but if you don’t,

      you’ll end up feeling stomped on. Find your voice. Know that your

      bravery will be rewarded with less stress and more enjoyment in life.

      what to say

      if you want

      something from

      an adult

      When talking with grown-ups, it’s best to stick to the facts. Speak clearly

      (no mumbling!), be respectful, and state exactly what you need.

      If the restaurant gets

      your order wrong:

      Excuse me, ma’am. I ordered

      the chicken and this is beef.

      If the man at the movie

      concession stand looks

      scary, but you want to order:

      I’d like a small popcorn

      and a lemonade, please.

      If you want to write a

      paper for class about

      your neighbor’s career:

      Ms. Bello, I have

      a school project on careers,

      and I was hoping I could ask you

      a few questions about your job.

      What would be a good time?

      If a teacher says, “I need

      a strong boy to carry this

      box,” and you want to help:

      How about

      a strong girl? I’m

      willing to help out.