King Lear - The Original Classic Edition. Shakespeare William

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       this, let him be whipp'd that first finds it so.

       [Sings] Fools had ne'er less grace in a year, For wise men are grown foppish;

       They know not how their wits to wear, Their manners are so apish.

       Lear. When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah? Fool. I have us'd it, nuncle, ever since thou mad'st thy daughters

       thy mother; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and put'st down

       thine own breeches,

       [Sings] Then they for sudden joy did weep, And I for sorrow sung,

       That such a king should play bo-peep

       And go the fools among.

       Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool

       to

       lie. I would fain learn to lie.

       Lear. An you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipp'd.

       Fool. I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They'll have me

       whipp'd for speaking true; thou'lt have me whipp'd for lying;

       and sometimes I am whipp'd for holding my peace. I had rather be

       any kind o' thing than a fool! And yet I would not be thee, nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides and left

       nothing

       i' th' middle. Here comes one o' the parings. Enter Goneril.

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       Lear. How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on? Methinks you

       are too much o' late i' th' frown.

       Fool. Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for

       her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure. I am

       better

       than thou art now: I am a fool, thou art nothing.

       [To Goneril] Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your face

       bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum!

       He that keeps nor crust nor crum, Weary of all, shall want some.-

       [Points at Lear] That's a sheal'd peascod. Gon. Not only, sir, this your all-licens'd fool,

       But other of your insolent retinue

       Do hourly carp and quarrel, breaking forth

       In rank and not-to-be-endured riots. Sir,

       I had thought, by making this well known unto you, To have found a safe redress, but now grow fearful, By what yourself, too, late have spoke and done, That you protect this course, and put it on

       By your allowance; which if you should, the fault Would not scape censure, nor the redresses sleep, Which, in the tender of a wholesome weal,

       Might in their working do you that offence Which else were shame, that then necessity Must call discreet proceeding.

       Fool. For you know, nuncle,

       The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long

       That it had it head bit off by it young.

       So out went the candle, and we were left darkling. Lear. Are you our daughter?

       Gon. Come, sir,

       I would you would make use of that good wisdom Whereof I know you are fraught, and put away These dispositions that of late transform you

       From what you rightly are.

       Fool. May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse? Whoop, Jug, I love thee!

       Lear. Doth any here know me? This is not Lear.

       Doth Lear walk thus? speak thus? Where are his eyes? Either his notion weakens, his discernings

       Are lethargied-Ha! waking? 'Tis not so! Who is it that can tell me who I am?

       Fool. Lear's shadow.

       Lear. I would learn that; for, by the marks of sovereignty, Knowledge, and reason, I should be false persuaded

       I had daughters.

       Fool. Which they will make an obedient father. Lear. Your name, fair gentlewoman?

       Gon. This admiration, sir, is much o' th' savour Of other your new pranks. I do beseech you To understand my purposes aright.

       As you are old and reverend, you should be wise. Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires; Men so disorder'd, so debosh'd, and bold

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       That this our court, infected with their manners, Shows like a riotous inn. Epicurism and lust Make it more like a tavern or a brothel

       Than a grac'd palace. The shame itself doth speak

       For instant remedy. Be then desir'd

       By her that else will take the thing she begs

       A little to disquantity your train,

       And the remainder that shall still depend To be such men as may besort your age, Which know themselves, and you.

       Lear. Darkness and devils!

       Saddle my horses! Call my train together! Degenerate bastard, I'll not trouble thee; Yet have I left a daughter.

       Gon. You strike my people, and your disorder'd rabble

       Make servants of their betters. Enter Albany.

       Lear. Woe that too late repents!- O, sir, are you come? Is it your will? Speak, sir!- Prepare my horses. Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend,

       More hideous when thou show'st thee in a child

       Than the sea-monster! Alb. Pray, sir, be patient.

       Lear. [to Goneril] Detested kite, thou liest!

       My train are men of choice and rarest parts, That all particulars of duty know

       And in the most exact regard support

       The worships of their name.- O most small fault, How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show!

       Which, like an engine, wrench'd my frame of nature From the fix'd place; drew from my heart all love And added to the gall. O Lear, Lear, Lear!

       Beat at this gate that let thy folly in [Strikes his head.] And thy dear judgment out! Go, go, my people.

       Alb. My lord, I am guiltless, as I am ignorant

       Of what hath mov'd you. Lear. It may be so, my lord.

       Hear, Nature, hear! dear goddess, hear! Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend To make this creature fruitful.

       Into her womb convey sterility;

       Dry up in her the organs of increase;