Expectation Hangover. Christine Hassler

then, her life has turned around 180 degrees. Her business is flourishing, and she is experiencing causeless joy. “It is such a gift and a blessing to know that I can take care of myself emotionally. I don’t need a man to take care of me anymore, and I do not get upset if I do not hear back from someone romantically. Now when a beloved comes into my life, I can share my life with him instead of needing his caretaking.”

      TRANSFORMATIONAL TRUTH

      Creativity Is a Channel

      During an Expectation Hangover many of us get creatively constipated. Negative emotions seem to sever the connection to our creative muse. But the muse is still there, and it is a healthy outlet for the painful feelings that come with disappointment. Think of some of your favorite songs, films, or pieces of art. Many were probably inspired by an Expectation Hangover; the artists channeled the rawness and realness of their pain into creating lyrics, stories, and images that touch our hearts.

      Creative self-expression is important because it is one of the ways we can channel and release emotions. Use your anger or sadness to create something. Channel it into writing, painting, singing, or dancing. It doesn’t matter if you are good at it or not.

      I notice that people get depressed when they suppress their creativity. This is especially true for individuals who are highly right-brain oriented (inclined toward creativity) but grew up in very left-brain-oriented (logic-focused) environments. Since their creativity was often misunderstood and discouraged, they had to suppress it.

      To get your creativity flowing, make time for it by putting it on your calendar. And just like you’d set the mood for a romantic evening, create an atmosphere for your creative process, using things like music, candles, and sacred objects. Create with enthusiasm, curiosity, and joy, but without attachment to the end product. Allow your emotions to come up and inspire you as you create. I have heard from many artists that there are teardrops in their paintings.

      Do not judge yourself or attempt to edit your expression while you are creating it. Doing so will only interrupt your process and shift you away from the emotional part of your brain to the analytical part (and don’t you spend enough time there anyway?). After you create something, acknowledge yourself for it! Celebrating — not evaluating — is key to honoring your self-expression.

ROLE-PLAYING Rx: THE SURFER

      “I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy. It is my call to greatness. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent.”

      — Henry Rollins

      It is time for some role-playing Rx. The role you are going to take on to treat the emotional level of your Expectation Hangover is that of the Surfer. Even if you have never surfed before, you know the basic principles of surfing. A surfer paddles out into the ocean completely willing to face the waves. He has no control over the ocean or the wave that comes in, but he does have a choice over how he responds to it. The surfer must be present, allow the wave to carry him, and rely on his surfing skills to keep him safe. A good surfer knows that if he attempts to avoid, overpower, or swim against a wave, he will never experience the exhilaration and freedom that come from riding the wave all the way through. Think of the waves as your emotions and your surfing skills as the processes you’ll be learning in this chapter.

      By taking on the role of the Surfer, you will become skilled at riding the emotional waves of your Expectation Hangover, which include all the feelings you have avoided and suppressed up to now. You will realize that your emotions, just like waves, have peaks but gradually subside, landing you softly on the beach, where you are free from the emotional symptoms of your Expectation Hangover.

      I recently received this email from Lola: