Very bad English / Очень плохой English. Яна Варшавская

for such people is the acceptance of the fact that not all of the plans will be implemented…»

Taska seems to have something about numbers:

      In your most surreal dreams

      I rely on common ground…

      I will hold it up while I'm here

      In the morning I'll write it down…

      As I build my ephemeral bridge,

      I approach the appointed day…

      My emotions are put into canvas,

      Taking pain and migraine away…

      You believe me… Although in fact

      This is witchcraft, or sorcery…

      You don't think about number six

      crossing all of its mysteries…

      I don't like number twenty three

      I would rather prefer twenty nine…

      So that, dropping the pearl flare free

      shadows stop saying goodbye…

One Thousand Thousand in This City…

      One thousand thousand in this city

      is struggling desperately through

      if you don't care about the crisis, —

      honey is still that sweet to you…

      I recognized you once I saw you

      for twenty years the ghostly trace

      of railway stations made for noone

      has been outstretched in twisted race…

      Dark circles under the lashes phrases and words in a fuss…

      It just could not happen with us it could happen without us…

      Part III

      Dorian

      Chapter 1

      The Mirror Theory

      The reference point has always been important to me.

      When I first realized myself and thought about who I am, I began to analyze. Why events take place in such a sequence and lead precisely to such a definite ending?

      After all, there are a lot of options to develop a particular life scheme. It all depends… On what kind of transport you got to work, whether the janitor stopped you to ask what time it was. It depends on everything. Moreover, there are moments that involve not only you in this scheme, but also capture other people.

      This is the turning point.

      Of course, you ignore them, trying not to notice. Not to notice that for someone you have become the center of the universe, at least temporarily. You can leave, change your name… But the feeling that you did not take your chance, got scared or confused will haunt you for the rest of your life. And then your internal monologues will begin like this: «If only I could then imagine…» or «God damn it, I even saw a sign!..»

      Everyone calls her Taska. Of course, it's Eva's fault. She was the first to say «Taska» for some reason. And now Tatyana responds to this strange and ancient name. Personally, I like to call her Tanya, but she always shrugs so funny when she hears her name. For nine years, she hasn't gotten used to it…

      Now I'm thinking about her again. I am sure that she recalls me too. We have a telepathic connection. When we call up, the phone is always busy. It's us, calling each other at the same time. We even agreed that if the line is busy, she drops her call and waits for mine. We are a perfect couple.

      The trouble is we can't be together. Why? It's simple. You can't look in the mirror all the time. You'll get bored.

      Of course, at the very beginning of our acquaintance there was a turning moment.

      How much time has passed since then?

      Maybe a month from the very moment when I felt her staring caressing look… She unceremoniously examined everyone in the first composition class. But her tenacious gaze, returning every time, was fixed somewhere around my shoulder blades. Maybe someone has wings there, someone, according to Carlos Castaneda, has an «assembly point», but, feeling that she's interested, I just got up, grabbed a chair and sat next to her.

      This is how we first met. We fooled around, went to the cinema. We argued and read the same books. Once we even got drunk and, waking up in the same bed completely naked, could not remember if we had done anything. The head just cracked. But from that day we did not think about having sex together or even dream about it.

      Or at least it was me who didn't want to.

      Not because both of us connected it with a stupid headache. The real reason was much deeper. Somewhere beyond understanding. After all, I really love Taska. I'm jealous. I miss her. I want to spend my time with her. This crap is totally inexplicable.

      Then, for some reason, right after that incident, I told her about Kira…

      The image of Kira became somehow voluminous. I swear I could even imagine her laughing eyes, green, cunning and so inviting…

      It's like circles on the water. The stone has long been at the bottom, while circles still creep along the river, further and further from the center. Therefore, it is difficult to return to the beginning. I do not want to confess in front of Taska again. I don't remember the whole truth myself. The more I remember Kira, the more difficult it is to recall her face. She's just some kind of a bright spot, a smile, a voice. The only constant sensation is a warm, tickling wave in which my heart flutters when I think of her.

      Of course, I told Taska different things about mirror theory. And not even to convince her. I myself wanted, voicing a sudden stunning thought, to affirm it in my head. For some reason, our planet is divided into two hemispheres, and if it's early morning in Moscow, somewhere in Florida people still fill up bars and restaurants, having a pleasant warm evening with friends.

      And if there are more than seven billion people living on Earth, what is the likelihood that God will have a free soul to fill someone's newly born body? And if this is so, then it is simple to give it, that is, a free soul, to two individuals living on different continents at once. To make it easier for it to return, people should be bound by a special thread… The thread of astral twins. I think those people should look similar. In any case, some habits, preferences and the character of such people will not be very different. Their soul will be forced to put up with life-long throwing, and having no preference for one of them, constantly return and fly away again…

      This is probably nonsense. Most likely, this is real nonsense. But how can one explain similar suicides or scientific discoveries made by complete strangers at the same time? There should be a thread that connects different people, but forces you to behave and live according to the scenario intended for them only.

      You can, of course, call this the theory of the mirror. Which is essentially the same thing.

      Chapter 2

      Russian Roulette

      Some people find answers to all their questions while reading books, someone on the Web, some particularly advanced ones are dictated by intuition or get tips in the information field. I have more than just questions, and most likely I won't be able to get any answers…

      It has long been dark. Tomorrow was a day off and I did not want to sleep. I turned on the telly. There was Top-Twenty on RU TV[8]. Having opened a bottle of beer, I looked for something to eat.

      Beer made me feel bad. I turned off the TV, deciding to at least pass the time in non-binding communication…

      Heck!

      Everything happened by itself…

      Having heard about this chat roulette or Chatroulette[9], I went online several times, if you say so…

      This time I turned on the

8

Once a week RU. TV VJ introduces the Top Twenty videos based on the results of spectator vote.

9

(from English «roulette») – a site that allows you to anonymously communicate using video and text chat.

A visitor to the site falls on a randomly selected Stranger and starts an online chat. At any moment of communication, the user can leave the current chat and look for another random person.