AS YOU LIKE IT. Sidney Lee

Helen’s cheek, but not her heart;

       Cleopatra’s majesty;

       Atalanta’s better part;

       Sad Lucretia’s modesty.

       Thus Rosalind of many parts

       By heavenly synod was devis’d,

       Of many faces, eyes, and hearts,

       To have the touches dearest priz’d.

       Heaven would that she these gifts should have,

       And I to live and die her slave.”

       ROSALIND

       O most gentle Jupiter!—What tedious homily of love have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never cried “Have patience, good people!”

       CELIA

       How now! back, friends; shepherd, go off a little:—go with him, sirrah.

       TOUCHSTONE

       Come, shepherd, let us make an honourable retreat; though not with bag and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.

       [Exeunt CORIN and TOUCHSTONE.]

       CELIA

       Didst thou hear these verses?

       ROSALIND

       O, yes, I heard them all, and more too; for some of them had in them more feet than the verses would bear.

       CELIA

       That’s no matter; the feet might bear the verses.

       ROSALIND

       Ay, but the feet were lame, and could not bear themselves without the verse, and therefore stood lamely in the verse.

       CELIA

       But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name should be hanged and carved upon these trees?

       ROSALIND

       I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder before you came; for look here what I found on a palm-tree: I was never so berhymed since Pythagoras’ time, that I was an Irish rat, which I can hardly remember.

       CELIA

       Trow you who hath done this?

       ROSALIND

       Is it a man?

       CELIA

       And a chain, that you once wore, about his neck. Change you colour?

       ROSALIND

       I pray thee, who?

       CELIA

       O lord, lord! it is a hard matter for friends to meet; but mountains may be removed with earthquakes, and so encounter.

       ROSALIND

       Nay, but who is it?

       CELIA

       Is it possible?

       ROSALIND

       Nay, I pr’ythee now, with most petitionary vehemence, tell me who it is.

       CELIA

       O wonderful, wonderful, most wonderful wonderful! and yet again wonderful, and after that, out of all whooping!

       ROSALIND

       Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more is a South-sea of discovery. I pr’ythee tell me who is it? quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of narrow-mouth’d bottle; either too much at once or none at all. I pr’ythee take the cork out of thy mouth that I may drink thy tidings.

       CELIA

       So you may put a man in your belly.

       ROSALIND

       Is he of God’s making? What manner of man? Is his head worth a hat or his chin worth a beard?

       CELIA

       Nay, he hath but a little beard.

       ROSALIND

       Why, God will send more if the man will be thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.

       CELIA

       It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler’s heels and your heart both in an instant.

       ROSALIND

       Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak sad brow and true maid.

       CELIA

       I’ faith, coz, ‘tis he.

       ROSALIND

       Orlando?

       CELIA

       Orlando.

       ROSALIND

       Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and hose?— What did he when thou saw’st him? What said he? How look’d he? Wherein went he? What makes he here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he? How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see him again? Answer me in one word.

       CELIA

       You must borrow me Gargantua’s mouth first: ‘tis a word too great for any mouth of this age’s size. To say ay and no to these particulars is more than to answer in a catechism.

       ROSALIND

       But doth he know that I am in this forest, and in man’s apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the day he wrestled?

       CELIA

       It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the propositions of a lover:—but take a taste of my finding him, and relish it with good observance. I found him under a tree, like a dropp’d acorn.

       ROSALIND

       It may well be called Jove’s tree, when it drops forth such fruit.

       CELIA

       Give me audience, good madam.

       ROSALIND

       Proceed.

       CELIA

       There lay he, stretched along like a wounded knight.

       ROSALIND

       Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well becomes the ground.

       CELIA

       Cry, “holla!” to thy tongue, I pr’ythee; it curvets unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.

       ROSALIND

       O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.

       CELIA

       I would sing my song without a burden: thou bring’st me out of tune.

       ROSALIND

       Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. Sweet, say on.

       CELIA

       You bring me out.—Soft! comes he not here?

       ROSALIND

       ‘Tis he: slink by, and note him.

       [CELIA and ROSALIND retire.]

       [Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES.]

       JAQUES

       I thank you for your company; but, good faith, I had as lief have been myself alone.

       ORLANDO

       And so had I; but yet, for fashion’s sake, I thank you too for your society.

       JAQUES

       God buy you: let’s meet as little as we can.

       ORLANDO

       I do desire we may be better strangers.

       JAQUES

       I pray you, mar no more trees with writing love songs in their barks.

       ORLANDO