THE COMPLETE NOVELS OF MARK TWAIN - 12 Books in One Edition. Марк Твен

      The thunderbolt fell. After all the Colonel’s deep planning; after all his brain work and tongue work in drawing public attention to his pet project and enlisting interest in it; after all his faithful hard toil with his hands, and running hither and thither on his busy feet; after all his high hopes and splendid prophecies, the fates had turned their backs on him at last, and all in a moment his air-castles crumbled to ruins about him. Hawkeye rose from her fright triumphant and rejoicing, and down went Stone’s Landing! One by one its meagre parcel of inhabitants packed up and moved away, as the summer waned and fall approached. Town lots were no longer salable, traffic ceased, a deadly lethargy fell upon the place once more, the “Weekly Telegraph” faded into an early grave, the wary tadpole returned from exile, the bullfrog resumed his ancient song, the tranquil turtle sunned his back upon bank and log and drowsed his grateful life away as in the old sweet days of yore.

      CHAPTER XXIX.

      Table of Contents

      Philip Sterling was on his way to Ilium, in the state of Pennsylvania. Ilium was the railway station nearest to the tract of wild land which Mr. Bolton had commissioned him to examine.

      On the last day of the journey as the railway train Philip was on was leaving a large city, a lady timidly entered the drawing-room car, and hesitatingly took a chair that was at the moment unoccupied. Philip saw from the window that a gentleman had put her upon the car just as it was starting. In a few moments the conductor entered, and without waiting an explanation, said roughly to the lady,

      “Now you can’t sit there. That seat’s taken. Go into the other car.”

      “I did not intend to take the seat,” said the lady rising, “I only sat down a moment till the conductor should come and give me a seat.”

      “There aint any. Car’s full. You’ll have to leave.”

      “But, sir,” said the lady, appealingly, “I thought — ”

      “Can’t help what you thought — you must go into the other car.”

      “The train is going very fast, let me stand here till we stop.”

      “The lady can have my seat,” cried Philip, springing up.

      The conductor turned towards Philip, and coolly and deliberately surveyed him from head to foot, with contempt in every line of his face, turned his back upon him without a word, and said to the lady,

      “Come, I’ve got no time to talk. You must go now.”

      The lady, entirely disconcerted by such rudeness, and frightened, moved towards the door, opened it and stepped out. The train was swinging along at a rapid rate, jarring from side to side; the step was a long one between the cars and there was no protecting grating. The lady attempted it, but lost her balance, in the wind and the motion of the car, and fell! She would inevitably have gone down under the wheels, if Philip, who had swiftly followed her, had not caught her arm and drawn her up. He then assisted her across, found her a seat, received her bewildered thanks, and returned to his car.

      The conductor was still there, taking his tickets, and growling something about imposition. Philip marched up to him, and burst out with,

      “You are a brute, an infernal brute, to treat a woman that way.”

      “Perhaps you’d like to make a fuss about it,” sneered the conductor.

      Philip’s reply was a blow, given so suddenly and planted so squarely in the conductor’s face, that it sent him reeling over a fat passenger, who was looking up in mild wonder that any one should dare to dispute with a conductor, and against the side of the car.

      He recovered himself, reached the bell rope, “Damn you, I’ll learn you,” stepped to the door and called a couple of brakemen, and then, as the speed slackened; roared out,

      “Get off this train.”

      “I shall not get off. I have as much right here as you.”

      “We’ll see,” said the conductor, advancing with the brakemen. The passengers protested, and some of them said to each other, “That’s too bad,” as they always do in such cases, but none of them offered to take a hand with Philip. The men seized him, wrenched him from his seat, dragged him along the aisle, tearing his clothes, thrust him from the car, and, then flung his carpet-bag, overcoat and umbrella after him. And the train went on.

      The conductor, red in the face and puffing from his exertion, swaggered through the car, muttering “Puppy, I’ll learn him.” The passengers, when he had gone, were loud in their indignation, and talked about signing a protest, but they did nothing more than talk.

      The next morning the Hooverville Patriot and Clarion had this “item”: —

      SLIGHTUALLY OVERBOARD.

      “We learn that as the down noon express was leaving H — — yesterday a lady! (God save the mark) attempted to force herself into the already full palatial car. Conductor Slum, who is too old a bird to be caught with chaff, courteously informed her that the car was full, and when she insisted on remaining, he persuaded her to go into the car where she belonged. Thereupon a young sprig, from the East, blustered like a Shanghai rooster, and began to sass the conductor with his chin music. That gentleman delivered the young aspirant for a muss one of his elegant little left-handers, which so astonished him that he began to feel for his shooter. Whereupon Mr. Slum gently raised the youth, carried him forth, and set him down just outside the car to cool off. Whether the young blood has yet made his way out of Bascom’s swamp, we have not learned. Conductor Slum is one of the most gentlemanly and efficient officers on the road; but he ain’t trifled with, not much. We learn that the company have put a new engine on the seven o’clock train, and newly upholstered the drawing-room car throughout. It spares no effort for the comfort of the traveling public.”

      Philip never had been before in Bascom’s swamp, and there was nothing inviting in it to detain him. After the train got out of the way he crawled out of the briars and the mud, and got upon the track. He was somewhat bruised, but he was too angry to mind that. He plodded along over the ties in a very hot condition of mind and body. In the scuffle, his railway check had disappeared, and he grimly wondered, as he noticed the loss, if the company would permit him to walk over their track if they should know he hadn’t a ticket.

      Philip had to walk some five miles before he reached a little station, where he could wait for a train, and he had ample time for reflection. At first he was full of vengeance on the company. He would sue it. He would make it pay roundly. But then it occurred to him that he did not know the name of a witness he could summon, and that a personal fight against a railway corporation was about the most hopeless in the world. He then thought he would seek out that conductor, lie in wait for him at some station, and thrash him, or get thrashed himself.

      But as he got cooler, that did not seem to him a project worthy of a gentleman exactly. Was it possible for a gentleman to get even with such a fellow as that conductor on the letter’s own plane? And when he came to this point, he began to ask himself, if he had not acted very much like a fool. He didn’t regret striking the fellow — he hoped he had left a mark on him. But, after all, was that the best way? Here was he, Philip Sterling, calling himself a gentleman, in a brawl with a vulgar conductor, about a woman he had never seen before. Why should he have put himself in such a ridiculous position? Wasn’t it enough to have offered the lady his seat, to have rescued her from an accident, perhaps from death? Suppose he had simply said to the conductor, “Sir, your conduct is brutal, I shall report you.” The passengers, who saw the affair, might have joined in a report against the conductor, and he might really have accomplished something. And, now! Philip looked at his torn clothes, and thought with disgust of his haste in getting into a fight with such an autocrat.

      At the little station where Philip waited for the next train, he