NLP Workbook: A practical guide to achieving the results you want. Joseph O’Connor

You are not what you do or even what you believe. Take a step back again and think about your unique personality and identity.

       What is your mission in life?

       What sort of person are you?

       Get a sense of yourself and what you want to accomplish in the world. Express this with a metaphor – what symbol or idea comes to mind that seems to express your identity as a person?

      

Take a last step back. Think about how you are connected to all other living beings and whatever you believe is beyond your life.

       Many people call this the spiritual realm. You may have religious beliefs or a personal philosophy. Take the time you need to get a sense of what this means to you. At the very least this is about how you, as a unique person, connect with others. What metaphor would best express this feeling?

      

Take this sense of connectedness with you as you step forward into your identity level. Make sure you take the physiology of the last level to the identity level. Notice the difference this makes.

      

Now take this enhanced sense of who you are and who you can be, with the metaphor that expresses it, and step forward to the level of your beliefs and values. Keep the physiology of the identity level as you do this.

       What is important now?

       What do you believe now?

       What do you want to be important?

       What do you want to believe?

       What beliefs and values express your identity?

      

Take this new sense of your beliefs and values and step forward to the skill level, keeping the previous physiology from the beliefs and values level.

       How are your skills transformed and intensified with this greater depth?

       How can you use your skills in the best possible way?

       Keep the physiology of the capability level and step forward to the behaviour level.

       How can you act to express the alignment you feel?

      

Finally step forward into your real present environment right now.

       How is it different when you bring these levels of yourself to it?

       Notice how you feel about where you are with this greater depth and clarity from your values, purpose and sense of connectedness.

      

Know that if you were to bring all of this to the problem situation, it would change.

PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS

      One of the first things we learn about the world is that not everyone shares our point of view. To understand a situation fully, you need to take different perspectives, just as when looking at an object from different angles to see its breadth, height and depth. One point of view only gives a single dimension, a single perspective, true from that angle, but an incomplete picture of the whole object.

      There is no ‘right’ perspective in any situation. You build understanding from many perspectives. All are partially true and all are limited. NLP supplies three of these perspectives, first put forward by John Grinder and Judith DeLozier and developed from the work of Gregory Bateson.

      First position is your own reality, your own view of any situation. Personal mastery comes from a strong first position. You need to know yourself and your values to be an effective role model and influence others by example.

      Second position is making a creative leap of your imagination to understand the world from another person’s perspective, to think in the way they think. Second position is the basis of empathy and rapport. It gives us the ability to appreciate other people’s feelings.

      There are two types of second position:

       Emotional second position is understanding the other person’s emotions. You therefore do not want to hurt them because you can imagine their pain.

       Intellectual second position is the ability to understand how another person thinks, the kinds of ideas they have and the sort of opinions and outcomes they hold.

      Third position is a step outside your view and the other person’s view to a detached perspective. There you can see the relationship between the two viewpoints. Third position is important when you check the ecology of your outcomes. You have to forget for a moment that it is your outcome and that you want it, and look at it in a more detached way.

      All positions are useful. Many people are very adept at one position, but not so good at taking another. The best understanding comes from all three.

      Perceptual positions are basic to NLP. In any situation you need to know your own position and understand another person’s position without necessarily agreeing with it. Then you need to be able take a mental step outside and evaluate the relationship. The solution to a relationship problem must involve taking the perspectives of both people. Negotiation is impossible without understanding the conflicting views. When analysing a business problem, look at the perspectives of different stakeholders – customers, senior management, middle managers, strategic partners, suppliers and competitors. Exactly which perspectives you take will depend on the problem you are considering.

      There are two major application patterns of perceptual positions, one for relationships (the meta mirror) and one for business meetings (the effective meeting pattern).

      The Meta Mirror

      The meta mirror is a process developed by Robert Dilts to explore a relationship with another person. You can do this without moving, but it works best if you physically move to a different place for each of the different positions.

      

First, choose the relationship you wish to explore. Think about it first from your point of view (first position).

       What makes it difficult?

       What are you thinking and feeling in this relationship?

       If you feel challenged, what neurological level does this challenge seem to come from?

       Is it about your environment – where you work, the friends you have, your clothes, etc?

       Is it about behaviour – what you do?

       Do you feel your skills and competence are being challenged?

       Do you think your beliefs and values are being challenged?

       Do you feel yourself assailed on the identity level?

       Is the other person saying one thing, but conveying something else in their body language?