Positive Thinking: Everything you have always known about positive thinking but were afraid to put into practice. Vera Peiffer

Unless you are happy yourself, you can’t make anyone else happy, nor can you be of help to others, nor will you be successful in what you’re doing. Imagine a miserable psychoanalyst trying to dissuade a client from suicide. Imagine a bad-tempered salesman trying to sell his product to a customer. Imagine a grumpy husband trying to keep his marriage going.

      So how happy are you? Let’s take stock.

      Ten-Minute Solitaire

      Try the following. Sit down in a room all by yourself, with no radio or television on, and don’t do anything for ten minutes.

      Ten minutes can be an eternity to sit doing nothing, without any distractions, when you don’t like yourself. It forces you to confront potentially unpleasant thoughts about yourself and, ultimately, prevents you from relaxing and switching off.

      Many people, particularly women, feel guilty about relaxing or wanting to be on their own. They tend to interpret the word ‘relaxing’ as ‘sitting around not doing anything productive’, and ‘wanting to be by myself’ as ‘being unsociable and therefore uncaring’. Do you recognise these thoughts, ladies? If you do, it is time you changed your attitude.

      In the following pages, you will find exercises for physical and mental relaxation (pages 24–6), as well as the analyses of a number of particular problems (pages 47–9).

      It may well be that you have to start dealing with your particular problem before you are able to relax. Try the relaxation exercises first, though, because they will give you an indication of your present frame of mind, and then repeat them after you have worked through your problem. As you are getting to grips with the problem, you will find that your ability to relax increases.

Part Two

       4 What Is On Your Mind?

      I would like you to start off by paying attention to what you are thinking throughout the day. Check the quality of your thoughts. Do you find yourself indulging in destructive thoughts, such as hatred, guilt, anger or envy? Nip them in the bud and replace them with positive thoughts.

      If you do not get rid of negative thoughts straight away, they begin to grow and get out of proportion. Listen to yourself thinking. You will be surprised by your tendency to think negatively whenever a particular situation arises. Make a point of never thinking a negative thought to the end. As soon as you find yourself going off on the negative thoughts track, say ‘STOP’ in your mind and replace them with positive thoughts.

      Here are some classic negative thoughts and some ways of re-thinking them positively.

      

      • Making a strength out of a weakness

       Negative ‘God, I wish I didn’t have to go to this party tonight. I never know what to say to new people.’

       Positive ‘I am looking forward to going to this party tonight and meeting some interesting people. I like other people and I’m a good listener. Other people enjoy talking to me.’

      • Stop being a victim

       Negative ‘I’m annoyed/anxious because my boss has still not told me whether I’m going to get that salary increase.’

       Positive ‘I deserve my salary increase. I have allowed enough time for my boss to make up his mind, therefore I can confidently go and ask him about his decision today.’

       Negative ‘I feel cheated. My cleaning lady never does the windows.’

      Positive ‘My cleaning lady is doing a good job except for the windows. I can point out this fact to her in a friendly but clear manner.’ (If your cleaning lady comes into the house while you are away at work, leave a note or ring her up. Unless you speak about it, nothing will change.)

      • Looking after yourself

       Negative ‘Life has passed me by. Nothing good ever happens to me.’

       Positive ‘Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today things are different. I have decided to treat myself to a little luxury (walk in the country/cinema/sauna/nice meal), I deserve it!’

       Negative ‘I’m totally shattered, but I can’t relax because I still have to do the dishes.’

       Positive ‘I am in control. I decide when I want to do the washing up. I’m tired now, so my priority is to rest. I deserve it. The washing up can wait until later/ tomorrow/next week.’

      • Self-image

       Negative ‘I’m afraid of the presentation I have to give next week. Everyone will be watching and I’ll be totally flustered.’

       Positive ‘I’m well prepared for my presentation. I know what I want to say and I look forward to sharing my knowledge with others. Other people are interested in what I have to say.’

      (It is obviously important to do your homework. No amount of positive thinking will help you succeed if you have not prepared for your presentation.)

      There are a few rules you should observe when you make up your new, positive thoughts.

      • Avoid negative phrasing

      Don’t say ‘I won’t be frightened’, say ‘I am calm and relaxed’; in other words, think about what you want, not about what you don’t want.

      • Use the present tense

      Try and avoid future tense if possible. Say ‘I am confident when I speak in front of other people’, rather than, ‘I will be confident when I speak to others’. Your subconscious mind takes things literally, so if you are talking of something occurring in the future, your subconscious will wait with you for the future, but it is important that you feel confident now in order to feel confident when the event actually takes place.

      • Use your new positive thoughts repeatedly

      You will see that the old negative thoughts keep cropping up when you are ‘not watching’. Old habits die hard, and you will have to persist in replacing them every single time you catch yourself. You will see, though, that eventually your efforts are rewarded: positive thoughts begin to appear automatically, and constructive thinking becomes second nature.

      • Start today

      In a previous example I stated that your thoughts first thing in the morning determine how your day will turn out for you. Here are a few examples of how you can programme yourself for a successful day.

      • ‘I look forward to a good day. I am competent and open to new ideas, and I deal with all my tasks efficiently and easily.’

      • ‘I like myself and others. I work well with others, I am constructive and willing to co-operate, and I find it easy to win the co-operation of others.’

      • ‘I am an easy-going person. I approach problems in a calm and relaxed manner. I see problems as springboards into new ideas. They help me develop new skills.’

      • ‘Today is a day of harmony. I am in harmony with the world around me. I can see my aims clearly and I know that I can reach them easily.’

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