Positive Thinking: Everything you have always known about positive thinking but were afraid to put into practice. Vera Peiffer

insecurity and proceed to produce more symptoms so that everyone begins to feel guilty and comes running back to their sick-bed, because this time they might really be ill …

      Martyrs are in danger of developing very real illnesses, purely because they are thinking of them all the time (see pages 130–1).

       THE MARTYR’S INNER STATE

      Martyrs are really lonely and insecure people who have never had enough attention in their lives. Being ill has worked once to get attention, so they use it over and over again. If they are lucky enough to come across someone who will not be blackmailed and is interested enough in them to show them different and more positive ways of gaining attention, they can learn to channel their energy into a more constructive direction and show surprising new qualities in their personality.

      The Macho Man

      These days, the Macho Man comes in many guises. He is by no means always that gift-wrapped stud that you might imagine. He can just as well be dressed with taste, carry a laptop and frequent the wine bar next to the office in the City.

      Though an apparently uninhibited and outgoing person, the Macho Man has one taboo area – the truth about his own sexual performance, which usually leaves a lot to be desired. The Macho Man, however, will not let truth stand in the way of a good story, and he has lots of stories to tell, preferably in the company of other men or, sometimes, a few giggly girls.

      His recent conquests will dominate the conversation, and he does not spare the listener details about how he did it, how many times and the name and address of the girl concerned. Alone with a woman, the Macho Man will still go on about other women, how he did it, how many times and the name and address of the girl concerned, which is not only extremely disruptive to any intimacy that might develop, it is also somewhat unpleasant for the woman he is with at the time.

      All the talking is, consciously or unconsciously, designed to distract from his inability to perform adequately in bed, and very often the ploy works, as some women will begin to wonder whether it is maybe a shortcoming in them that causes this otherwise virile man to falter in bed with them.

      Out of bed and on the motorway, the Macho Man displays more ‘here-I-come’ behaviour. In the fast lane, he will drive up close behind you at great speed and flash his lights at you when it is patently clear that there are two lorries on your left and three in front of you and there is no way you can let him pass. This tailgating is really nothing but an adult version of a little boy crying, ‘Mummy, mummy, watch me!’, the only difference being that now he has a car instead of a tricycle. The stage of maturity, though, is roughly the same as when he had the tricycle.

       THE MACHO MAN’S GOOD POINTS

      It is wonderful when he stops talking.

       THE MACHO MAN’S PROBLEM POINTS

      The Macho Man mainly causes problems for others – especially the woman he is with at the time – because he cannot bear true intimacy. He lives on the surface of life and prefers relationships that do not make any demands on him.

      The Macho Man is the hunting, haunted kind: hunting the next woman even before he has finished his present adventure, haunted by his own inability to become intimately involved in a relationship.

       THE MACHO MAN’S INNER STATE

      He is a lonely man whose immature behaviour covers up a badly damaged sense of self-esteem and great insecurity, often resulting from abuse and emotional neglect during his formative years. His inability or unwillingness to admit that anything is wrong makes it nearly impossible for him to seek help.

      The Backstabber

      There are male and female backstabbers, and they are not confined to the office environment. Backstabbing is a trait that is found in people with an inferiority complex who say ‘yes’ when they really want to say ‘no’, and who find themselves utterly unable to voice their opinion when they disagree with someone else, especially if they regard this other person as being of a higher rank than they are.

      The Backstabber will be sweet as pie as long as they are speaking to another person, but as soon as he or she has left the room, backstabbing commences. The Backstabber’s whole facial expression changes in a split-second from a bright, beaming smile to an angry or disdainful frown and then he or she either begins to gossip about the absent person or, at worst, to maliciously slander them.

      Backstabbers use an indirect method of letting off steam when they feel that they are under someone else’s thumb. It is an immensely destructive way of dealing with others because all backstabbing does is to poison the atmosphere and make the Backstabber more and more uptight, without actually doing anything about the problem.

      Backstabbers in the office will accept more and more work from their superiors, although they know that they will not be able to cope with the workload. Backstabbers feel that they are being exploited and treated badly, and they resent it bitterly. Their solution to this problem it to go round and tell everyone in the office what a lousy boss they have. The only person who will never hear any complaints from the Backstabber is the only person who could do something to solve the problem – the boss.

       THE BACKSTABBER’S GOOD POINTS

      Lots of energy which, unfortunately, is misdirected.

       THE BACKSTABBER’S PROBLEM POINTS

      One Backstabber can often ruin the atmosphere for everyone else who works or lives with them. Backstabbers get themselves into a rut of resentment. Because they cannot make themselves address a problem directly, they feel less and less in control of what is happening to them, and this in turn gradually reduces to nothing the little self-confidence they may have had to start with, and so a vicious circle is established.

       THE BACKSTABBER’S INNER STATE

      Backstabbing can develop (it does not have to, though) when a person has been repeatedly punished for speaking their mind or for complaining. Again, this is most influential when it happens during childhood or adolescence, but it can also happen later in life when a person you live with puts you down continuously. Suppressing someone’s right to speak out can result in that person feeling that they are worthless, or at least worth less than everyone else. They cannot express their anger and frustration, so they have to look for other ways of getting rid of bottled-up tension, and that can be by employing backstabbing.

      The Workaholic

      For some people, work is the ultimate four-letter-word. For the Workaholic, it is quite the opposite.

      The Workaholic eats, sleeps and thinks work and couldn’t stop it if he wanted to. Just like the Mouse, the Workaholic’s behaviour is useful to others and therefore accepted as positive, although for the Workaholic, it is self-destructive. There are people who work hard, but that is not the same thing as being a Workaholic.

      Workaholics have made work their only interest in life and, if there is nothing to do, they will create something to do. Workaholics are incapable of relaxing because they do not really want to relax. Relaxation to them is a waste of precious time when they could be working on that new contract.

      Women Workaholics are often found in the middle echelons of companies, and they become Workaholics because of an inner pressure to have to be better than male colleagues in order to be accepted by them.

      Workaholics will not be stopped by anything or anyone: while they are still in hospital recovering from a stress-induced