Where Rainbows End. Cecelia Ahern

as bad as it was.

      Katie is starting playschool soon.

      Katie said five new words today.

      It was Dad’s birthday last weekend and we splashed out and went out for dinner to the Hazel restaurant where I believe you went with slutty Bethany and her rich parents all those years ago for your 18th. It was good to be able to let my hair down and relax without Katie. I hired a baby-sitter so that was my treat for the weekend.

      Rosie

      From Alex

      To Rosie

      Subject (none)

      Ah come on, Rosie! You’re letting the side down! You better have something wild to tell me about next time!

      From Rosie

      To Alex

      Subject 3-year-old child

      In case you didn’t know, I have a three-year-old child, which makes it rather difficult for me to go out and drink myself silly, otherwise I wake up with an awful headache and a screaming child who needs me to look after her and NOT to be sticking my head down the toilet.

      From Alex

      To Rosie

      Subject Sorry

      Rosie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across as insensitive. I just meant that you should remember that you need to enjoy life too. Look after yourself and not just Katie. Sorry if I hurt you.

      From Rosie

      To Stephanie

      Subject A moment to whinge

      Oh, Stephanie, sometimes I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. I love Katie. I’m glad I made the decision I made, but I’m tired. So bloody tired. All of the time.

      And that’s how I feel with Mum and Dad helping me. I don’t know how I’m going to cope on my own. And I’m going to have to do that eventually. I can’t live with Mum and Dad for ever. Although I really want to.

      But I wouldn’t want Katie depending on me so much when she’s older. Of course, I want her to know that I’m here for her always and that my love is absolutely unconditional, but she needs to be independent.

      And I need to be independent. I think it’s time for me to grow up now, Steph. I’ve been putting it off, running away from it for so long. Katie will be starting school soon. Imagine! It’s all happened so quickly. Katie will be meeting new people and beginning her life and I have left mine behind. I need to pick myself up and stop feeling so sorry for myself. Life is hard – so what? It’s hard for everyone, isn’t it? Anyone who says it’s easy is a liar.

      As a result of all that, there’s this huge divide between me and Alex right now because I feel like we’re living in such different worlds, I don’t know what to talk about with him any more. And we used to be able to talk all night. He phones once a week and I listen to what he’s been up to during the week and try to bite my tongue every time I launch into another Katie story. Truth is, I have nothing other than her to talk about and I know it bores people. I think I used to be interesting once upon a time.

      Anyway, I’ve decided I’m finally going to visit Boston. I’m going to finally face up to what my life could have been like had Alex gotten on that plane and made it to the debs with me instead of … well, you know who. I could have a degree by now. I could have been a career woman. I know it seems silly to put all that’s happened down to the fact that Alex couldn’t make it to the debs, but if he had come then I wouldn’t have gone with Brian. I wouldn’t have slept with Brian and there would be no baby. I think I need to face what I could have been in order to understand and accept what I am.

      All my love,

      Rosie

       Chapter 7

      Stephanie,

      Honey, Mum here. I was wondering if you would be able to get in touch with Rosie and maybe have a word with her. She just returned from Boston a week earlier than we expected and she seems upset about something, though she won’t say what it is. I was afraid this would happen. I know she feels that she has missed out on huge opportunities. I just wish she could see the positive side to what she has now. Will you get in touch with her? She always loves hearing from you.

      Love you, sweetheart,

      Mum

      You have an instant message from: STEPH.

      Steph: Hey, you, you’re not answering your phone.

      Steph: I know you’re there, Rosie. I can see that you’ve logged online!

      Steph: OK, I’m going to stalk you until you reply.

      Steph: Hellooooo!

      Rosie: Hi.

      Steph: Well, hello there! Why do I get the feeling I’m being ignored?

      Rosie: Sorry, I was too tired to speak to anyone.

      Steph: I suppose I can forgive you. Everything OK? How was the trip to Boston? Was it as beautiful as it looks in the photos Alex sent us?

      Rosie: Yeah, the place is really gorgeous. Alex showed me around everywhere. I hadn’t a minute to spare while I was over there. He really took care of me.

      Steph: As he should. So where did you go?

      Rosie: He showed me around Boston College so I could see what it would have been like for me to study there, and it is so magical and beautiful and the weather was just fabulous …

      Steph: Wow, it sounds great. I take it you liked it then?

      Rosie: Yeah, I liked it. It was even better than the photographs I saw of it when I was applying. It would have been a nice place to study …

      Steph: I’m sure it would have been. Where did you stay?

      Rosie: I stayed in Alex’s parents’ house. They live in a very posh area, not at all like around here. The house is really lovely: Alex’s dad is obviously making loads of money in that job.

      Steph: What else did you two get up to? I know there has to be some exciting story here! There’s never a dull moment when you two are involved!

      Rosie: Well, we went looking round the shops, he brought me to a Red Sox game in Fenway Park and I hadn’t a clue what was going on but I had a nice hotdog, we went out to a few clubs … sorry I’ve nothing that interesting to tell you, Steph …

      Steph: Hey, that’s a hell of a lot more interesting than what I did all week, believe me! So how is Alex? How does he look? I haven’t seen him for ages. I wonder if I’d even recognise him!

      Rosie: He looked really well. He’s got a slight American accent although he denies it. But he’s still the same old Alex. As lovable as usual. He really spoiled me for the entire week, he didn’t let me pay for a thing, he brought me out somewhere new every night. It was good to feel free for a while.

      Steph: You are free, Rosie.

      Rosie: I know that. I just don’t feel it sometimes. Over there I felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost as if every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. I haven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like a twenty-two-year-old, Steph. I haven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weird but I felt like the me that I could have been.

       I liked that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while I walked down the street. I didn’t have the fifty near heart attacks per day that I usually get when Katie goes missing or puts something in her mouth that she shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the road and hold her back just in time from being hit by a car. I liked that I didn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation or make