The Family Secret. Tracy Buchanan

reaches into her bag for the item she’d been saving for last, a large gingerbread man. She remembers buying one for Katy the Christmas before she passed away. They’d walked around the annual fair hand-in-hand, cheeks rosy from the cold, as Katy nibbled on it. Amber had seen one as she’d been walking to the hospital earlier and knew she had to get it for the girl.

      The girl turns it over in her hands, brow furrowed as she examines it. ‘I think I’ve had one of these before.’ She places it against her chest and closes her eyes. ‘Yes, I had one around my neck once, bigger than this. There was a red ribbon through it and I could lift it to my mouth whenever I fancied a bite.’ She opens the cellophane wrapping, deep in her memories as she lifts the biscuit to her mouth. She bites into it and gently chews.

      Then her eyes suddenly dart open and she throws the biscuit away.

      ‘What’s wrong?’ Amber asks.

      ‘Something bad happened when I had this,’ the girls says in a trembling voice. ‘It happened at the lodge,’ she continues, words stumbling over one another. ‘A man with dark hair, a beard. I’m crying and … and I’m so scared.’ Her breathing grows heavier, her fingers clutching her covers. Amber sits close to her, putting her arm around the girl’s trembling shoulders. ‘We’re reaching out to each other and someone’s screaming,’ the girl continues. ‘And he’s saying, “Lumin, Lumin”.’ The girl looks at Amber with wide eyes. ‘Is that my name, Lumin?’

      ‘Sounds like it is,’ Amber whispers. She pulls the girl close as she begins to cry.

      ‘What’s happening in here?’ Amber looks up to see the nurse Jasper knows at the cubicle curtains.

      ‘She’s just remembering things,’ Amber says as she strokes the girl’s hair. ‘We think her name might be Lumin. It’s an unusual name, so it might help us find out who she is …’

      ‘What’s all this?’ the nurse asks, surveying all the food Amber brought in.

      ‘I was trying to help her remember,’ Amber says. ‘And the food’s not exactly great here for a vegetarian,’ she adds.

      The nurse picks up the packet of cashew nuts. ‘Are you crazy? How do we know the girl isn’t allergic to nuts?’

      ‘She isn’t! She’s fine. And can we stop calling her girl now her name might be Lumin?’

      ‘Might be,’ the nurse says. ‘You can not bring in food like this in. We know nothing about Lumin nor her allergies. It’s too much of a risk.’

      Lumin wipes her tears away. ‘Amber’s only trying to help.’

      ‘Well, it’s not her job. It’s mine,’ the nurse says, crossing her arms.

      Amber and the nurse hold each other’s gaze for a moment before the nurse breaks it. ‘Anyway, the police are here. You need to go, Miss Caulfield,’ she says, seeming to take pleasure in using Amber’s maiden name. ‘We can take over from here.’

      ‘I don’t want her to go,’ Lumin says, grasping at Amber’s hand.

      ‘I’ll just go to the café,’ Amber says to her. ‘I’ll be up as soon as the interview is over. It will be fine,’ she adds, forcing a smile. ‘The police know how to deal with things like this. I bet you remember even more things after you talk to them.’ Amber squeezes her hand then walks out, the nurse giving her daggers as she leaves. What is her problem?

      As Amber walks through the ward, a smartly dressed man and woman approach her.

      ‘Amber Caulfield?’ the man asks.

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘I’m Detective King and this is Detective Matthews. We’re investigating the girl you found on the beach. Any chance of grabbing a word after we’ve spoken to her?’

      ‘Of course. I’ll wait in the café downstairs.’

      ‘Perfect. See you there.’

      Amber watches them walk towards Lumin’s cubicle and catches a glimpse of Lumin’s fearful eyes as they part the curtains. Amber wishes she could stay in there with her. But then feels foolish for even thinking it. What right does she have? She’s not her mother.

      I’m not anyone’s mother, she thinks.

      She walks down to the café feeling sullen, mumbles her order and carries her coffee back to a small table.

      ‘Hello again.’ She looks up to see Jasper smiling down at her, his rucksack over his shoulder … the same rucksack he used for work when they were married. ‘You’re becoming a bit of a regular visitor to the hospital. How’s the girl?’

      ‘Lumin. She’s fine.’

      His face lights up. ‘She remembered her name?’

      Amber nods. ‘I did a sort of memory thing with her. Brought in lots of different foods to see if they might act as a trigger.’

      Jasper laughs. ‘God, you’re clever.’

      ‘Your nurse friend didn’t seem to think so. She had a right go at me.’

      ‘Mind if I join you?’ he asks, ignoring her reference to the nurse. ‘I just finished my shift and need a coffee.’

      Amber shrugs. ‘Sure.’

      He shoves his rucksack on the floor. ‘Another coffee?’ he asks. ‘Or how about a cinnamon muffin? I remember how much you liked those.’

      ‘No, thanks, already had breakfast courtesy of the NHS.’

      He smiles to himself. ‘You’re lucky, visitors aren’t usually allowed.’

      ‘It was leftover. Lumin is a vegetarian so I got to eat the sausage.’

      ‘Another thing you’ve found out. You’d make a good detective.’

      Amber watches him as he goes to the counter, all tall and gangly and handsome. He hasn’t changed. She wonders if she has. What does he see when he looks at her? A slightly more overweight, more cynical, more tired version of the woman he fell in love with?

      He comes back with his coffee and sits down.

      ‘When are the police visiting?’ he asks.

      ‘Now,’ Amber replies.

      ‘That’s why you’re biting your nails like crazy,’ he says, gesturing towards her fingertips.

      She nods, tucking her right hand under her armpits.

      ‘She’ll be fine,’ he says.

      ‘I know. She was just a little bit distressed before they turned up.’

      Amber tells him about the memory Lumin had and his brow furrows. ‘Maybe she’s a runaway,’ he says. ‘That would explain why nobody knows her here.’

      ‘Maybe.’ Amber puts her hand to her mouth again, chewing at her nails.

      ‘She’s really got to you, hasn’t she?’

      Amber looks up at him. ‘What do you mean?’

      ‘I mean you care for her. It’s good.’ He pauses a moment, looking down into his coffee. Then he looks back up at Amber with sad eyes. ‘Maybe you’re projecting Katy onto her. She would have been fifteen this year.’

      Amber feels herself tense. Why was he always so bloody blunt? ‘No, I’m not!’

      He reaches across, placing his hand on hers. ‘There’s nothing wrong with admitting it, Amber. Nothing wrong with remembering. I know it still hurts, but it’s been ten years.’

      Amber moves her hand out from under his. ‘This has nothing to do with Katy.’

      ‘Really? I worry about you. I worry you