Nowhere To Hide. Alex Walters

admit that there was a problem. He couldn’t deny the deterioration in his physical condition, but he refused to acknowledge any other problems. If she tried to raise the issue, he cut her off or insisted that it was tiredness. But she’d called the consultant back after their last joint visit – feeling as disloyal as an errant lover in doing so – and asked his view.

      ‘There’s definitely something there,’ the consultant had confirmed. ‘Some cognitive problems. A degree of disinhibition.’

      ‘More than you’d usually expect?’ she’d asked.

      ‘Nothing’s usual with MS. But, yes, definitely something more significant than the norm.’

      It was the luck of the draw, the consultant had explained. It very much depended on which areas of the brain were being affected. Generally, the effects were primarily physical. But sometimes, if you were unlucky, there could be a significant cognitive effect as well.

      ‘We could get the clinical psychologists to have a look at him,’ the consultant had offered. ‘Do some tests. Get a measure of how far things have progressed.’

      She’d turned down the offer, at least for the present. She knew there was a problem. She could see no real benefit in finding out quite how much of one. It would be like rubbing Liam’s nose in something he was trying hard to avoid. She’d go down that route only when it was really needed – which would no doubt be when she had to persuade social services to give Liam more support.

      Now, though, watching him sit in front of some cosy police series on the TV, she was haunted by the consultant’s concluding comments. She’d asked the doctor what the prognosis might be, what further deterioration might be expected.

      As always, the consultant had been unforthcoming. ‘There’s no way of knowing. It might just stabilise–’

      ‘Yes, I know that,’ she’d interrupted. ‘You’ve explained that. But what do you think?’

      There’d been a pause, as if the consultant was considering the idiocy of her question. ‘Well, the only guidance we’ve got is how quickly it’s progressed over the last year or so. And that’s been very rapid. So, well, if you forced me to give you a view, I’d say it’s probable that it’ll continue to progress at a similar rate.’

      ‘And in terms of his – cognitive abilities? What can we expect there? If I forced you to give an opinion.’

      Another pause. ‘Well, the same, I suppose.’

      ‘And what does that mean? What will it look like?’

      ‘You need to understand. It’s not like, say, Alzheimer’s. You won’t get the same types of confusion about, you know, who people are or where he is that you’d find in those kinds of dementia. This is more like – oh, I don’t know – more like an old computer, gradually getting slower and slower. It’s the white matter, the connections in the brain, that are being affected. So it’s likely that he’ll get increasingly passive, increasingly unresponsive. If things get more severe, that is.’

      And that was what she’d seen, as the weeks had passed. Today’s outburst had been unusual, a rare demonstration of energy and emotion, however negative. That happened from time to time, as Liam’s frustration at his condition built inside his head to the point where he could no longer contain it. But those sudden explosions were increasingly rare islands in an otherwise endless sea of calm.

      It wasn’t the Liam she’d known. The old Liam had been sparky, enthusiastic, full of ideas. He could be a pain to live with at times, their different personalities rubbing up against each other in a constant friction. But that had been the Liam she’d loved. The Liam who was always looking for a new challenge, a new opportunity. The Liam who continued to pursue his dream of being a successful artist even when, some might think, it had ceased to be realistic. The Liam who would do anything rather than sit slumped in front of some anodyne television programme.

      She returned from the kitchen bearing an opened bottle of red wine and two glasses, a takeaway menu tucked under her arm. Liam already had a local authority carer who came in a couple of times a day to help him get something to eat, check he was okay. Increasingly, though, Marie had the sense that he shouldn’t be left alone for too long. He needed more care, someone to be with him through the day.

      Would that be her? She couldn’t see it. She tried to imagine herself giving up her job, spending the day as Liam’s full-time carer. The image simply wouldn’t form in her head. Apart from the practical questions – what would they actually live on, for example? – that just wasn’t the person she was. Maybe that was selfish – well, of course it was selfish – but she knew that if she tried to devote her life entirely to caring for Liam, she’d probably end up killing both of them.

      It needed thinking about, though. She had to start planning for this. She’d intended to discuss Salter’s proposed assignment with Liam before she gave Salter her answer. But she knew there was no way she could raise it tonight, and, even if she did, no likelihood that Liam would be able to give her a sensible response.

      Another decision postponed, then. But she was beginning to recognise, watching Liam gazing vacantly at the flickering TV screen, that nothing could be delayed forever.

       3

      ‘Get much from the sheep-shaggers?’

      Brennan paused in the doorway, his blank expression suggesting that Salter was speaking some entirely unfamiliar language. Brennan closed the door behind him, paused to hang his jacket carefully on the coat stand, and walked across the room to the conference table where Salter was sitting. He paused for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to sit, and then lowered himself on to the chair opposite Salter. ‘Not really. Nothing new, anyway. Mind you, it might have helped if I’d had the foggiest idea what I was supposed to be looking for.’

      ‘Local colour,’ Salter said. ‘Mainly green out there, I imagine.’

      Brennan bent down to unfasten his expensive-looking leather attaché case. Salter was dressed in the plainclothes cop’s standard uniform. Jeans, open-necked shirt, leather jacket tossed casually around the back of chair. Brennan wondered whether he always dressed like that. He suspected not. Salter struck him as a Marks & Spencer man. Brennan’s own suit was Paul Smith, and not off-the-shelf. ‘I still don’t really know why I’m here,’ he said, placing a thin manila file on the table in front of him. ‘Not just today, but the whole thing. Why have I been seconded over here? Don’t tell me it’s just because you’re short-staffed.’

      ‘We are, actually. Bloody short-staffed, now you come to mention it. And particularly short of bright young things like yourself.’

      ‘I’m not sure I’m all that young any more, let alone bright. Anyway, I thought this place was wall-to-wall bright young things.’

      ‘It’s a mess over here, to be honest, Jack.’ Salter’s voice had taken on an ingratiating tone now. ‘It’s been a mess from the start. It was a political decision to set up the Agency, so everything was done at a rush. Bits and pieces from all over the place, cobbled together. Of course, there were some excellent people – there still are some excellent people – but we’re holding it together with not much more than good intentions.’

      Brennan noted that Salter had casually included himself in the category of ‘excellent people’. Probably not without reason, from what he’d heard, but it was clear that Salter wasn’t short of ego. Well, okay, Brennan thought. That makes two of us. ‘And now it’s going through another set of changes?’

      ‘It’s never stopped bloody changing,’ Salter said. ‘That’s the trouble. As soon as the dust begins to settle, they start moving the deckchairs round again. If it’s not the politicians, it’s senior management trying to second guess what the politicians might want. People get pissed off.’

      ‘Well,