Astonish Me. Maggie Shipstead

and part last hurrah before the kids start first grade—two nights in a hotel, two days split between the park and the pool, no husbands. They had planned so well and so far in advance that when Sandy decided she was tired of Joan and didn’t want to go anymore, it was too late. Chloe would have been crushed, and Gary wouldn’t let her lose the cost of the hotel room, which was already paid for. “Plus,” he said, “Joan’s a good friend for you to have.” She had not asked what he meant because she knew he imagined this weekend would be a good chance for her to observe how Joan stayed so thin (Sandy already knew: no food, surreptitious cigarettes) and that she would come home twenty pounds lighter, as though from a summer at fat camp.

      Amber folds her arms over her small chest. She is a chubby, demanding child with small, suspicious blue eyes and a bushy crown of tight black ringlets. “No, he isn’t. He’s pretending he can’t do it, but then he’s going to.”

      “They need to get a little kid,” Chloe says sagely. “Only kids can do it.”

      “Why?” Harry wants to know.

      Chloe tsks with irritation. “Because. That’s the joke.”

      Tim finally lets go of the sword and wipes his brow, shaking his head. Merlin pats him on the back. “Valiant knight,” he announces, “you have tried nobly, but you are not meant to be ruler of the realm. Perchance there is another who wishes to try?”

      As Tim makes his way back through the crowd, Merlin chooses a Japanese boy in shorts and a pirate hat. Tim lifts Amber onto his hip, and when the boy draws the long blade from the stone, his mouth falling open in astonished joy, Amber begins to cry. “It’s not fair,” she says. “He cheated.”

      “I bet you would have been able to pull out the sword,” Tim tells her, tucking her curls behind her ears.

      Her mouth and eyes have all but disappeared into her plump cheeks. “I wanted you to do it.”

      “I told you,” Chloe says. “Only kids can do it.”

      “Zounds!” says Merlin. “Good knight, you have proven yourself worthy to wear the crown. I hereby proclaim you ruler of the realm!” Instead of a crown, he takes a small medal on a blue ribbon from his robe pocket and hangs it around the boy’s neck, sweeping into a deep bow. The boy clutches the medal and gazes down at it. Gently, Merlin grasps him by the shoulders and gives him a light push, sending him stumbling back to his family.

      Amber squirms in Tim’s arms like an unhappy cat while he juggles her twisting limbs, trying not to drop her. “Amber! It’s okay!” He grimaces at Joan, of course, not Sandy, even though Sandy was the one to invite him along. Joan is being her usual boring self, never letting loose, smiling on delay, hesitating too long before saying yes to anything: a ride, a soda, a rest on a bench, a bathroom visit, a spin through a gift shop. Even the way she sneaks off to smoke so Harry won’t see seems self-righteous and prissy. “It was just pretend!” Tim says. “It’s just a game. Just for fun!”

      Abruptly, Amber stops wriggling. “I want an ice-cream sandwich,” she says, “and I want to go on Dumbo.”

      Tim’s sunburned face creases with crestfallen exhaustion. Sandy feels for him. His divorce, from what he told her on the beach beside the pool, was an ugly one. “Okay, you bet,” he says.

      They turn as a group to look for the nearest ice-cream cart, and Joan says, “It’s early for ice cream, isn’t it? We haven’t even had lunch yet.”

      “Having fun isn’t exactly Joan’s strong suit,” Sandy says to Tim. “I love her anyway.”

      “Joan,” says Tim, “I’ll buy you an ice cream. Let’s go crazy. You too, Sandy. My treat.”

      “It’s early for ice cream,” Chloe pipes up, parroting Joan. “I don’t want any.”

      “Party pooper,” Sandy says.

      Joan drops a curtsy for Tim, her feet in an impossible position. “Valiant knight, I accept your ice cream.”

      “Now do you want some?” Sandy asks Chloe, but Chloe shakes her head. For a child, she is strangely indifferent to pleasant temptation.

      They walk past the shiny elephants in circus hats flying on steel arms around a colorful mechanical globe, past the line of people waiting to board Peter Pan’s pirate ships, past the many brick chimneys of Toad Hall. Near the Pinocchio boats, a grey-haired black man in a white paper hat is selling ice-cream from a canopied cart. The air smells like sugar and chlorine and sun-warmed concrete, and from a distance comes the sound of a brass band and the clatter of toboggan cars descending the Matterhorn. As Tim hands Joan an ice-cream sandwich with great ceremony, Sandy regrets ever suggesting that he spend the day with them. With a sudden ferocity, she hates what she’s wearing. The blameless shorts and sleeveless white blouse feel constrictive, malicious. If she were alone with Joan, she would be irked by her spoilsport habits—the way she won’t drink fun cocktails, the way she gets Harry to settle down at night by letting him cling to her neck like an orangutan while she hums and sways and murmurs, the way she gets up at the crack of dawn without an alarm clock and stretches and exercises in the room, holding on to the back of a chair the way she had when Sandy first saw her, her twiggy arms and legs going up and out, forward and back, and so on into an infinity of the dullest kind—but Tim had to come along and prove how much more desirable Joan is than Sandy, even though Sandy is the one who knows how to have a good time. Not that Sandy would cheat on Gary, but to flirt, to play pretend in this world of smooth, perfect, colorful moving surfaces, is to breathe deeply, to relax back into the shape of the person she once was.

      She has asked herself if Joan’s body and Gary’s admiration of it—everyone’s admiration of it—is the only reason she is losing patience with their friendship. But there’s more: she doesn’t trust Joan. She suspects if she could see herself through Joan’s eyes, she would not like what she saw. The roots of her suspicion are obscure: Joan has never been anything but nice, never allowed judgment to show through. But maybe that’s part of the problem. Joan’s controlled exterior makes her seem like she’s hiding something. It didn’t help that Harry was identified as gifted and Chloe wasn’t. Gary sees a conspiracy. Surely the son of the young, self-styled star psychologist in charge of the whole charade would never be declared average. Surely someone had his thumb on the scales. Surely Chloe could not be allowed to take her place among the chosen children. Gary might like Joan okay, but he loathes Jacob. Sandy stops short of imagining some nefarious plot to keep Chloe down, but, looking at her child and Joan’s as they sit with ice-cream-smeared Amber between them and avidly monitor the approach of a person in a fuzzy yellow Pluto suit, she can’t see how one is smarter than the other. Harry is so quiet, such a mama’s boy, while Chloe is opinionated and confident.

      Pluto stops, waves a big-mitted hand, and crouches down, inviting a hug. The children rise and move toward him, opening their arms, drawn into the embrace by the irresistible gravity these suited characters hold for them. Chloe buries her face in the dog’s shoulder while Harry presses his palm against its smooth red tongue and Amber reaches to stroke its muzzle. Chloe has been shy around the princesses and the other characters who are recognizably human, but she hugs the animals fearlessly, emotionally. All three children engage with their whole bodies, allow their backs to be rubbed and patted by the big stuffed paws. Often, dazed and pleased, they have to be gently peeled off by the characters themselves.

      “What I want to know,” Tim says quietly, “is who these people are who want to go around hugging kids all day.”

      Sandy is disappointed he wants to ruin the moment with a joke, but she plays along. “I’ve heard,” she says, “that the people inside don’t even get to wear their own underwear. Apparently there have been issues with crabs.”

      “No shit!” Tim says and then covers his mouth, looking to see if the children heard. But Amber, Chloe, and Harry are lost in the afterglow, arms slack, staring after Pluto’s skinny tail.

      “Dad,” says Amber, squinting, “I want a Pluto doll.”

      “Maybe later, okay?”