Confessions Of Con Cregan, the Irish Gil Blas. Lever Charles James

here, father!” said Peter, taking Billy by the hand and leading him to the bedside.

      “Write what I bid ye, Billy, and be quick; for I hav’n’t a long time afore me here. I die a good Catholic, though Father O’Rafferty won’t give me the ‘rites ‘!”

      A general chorus of muttered “Oh! musha, musha!” was now heard through the room; but whether in grief over the sad fate of the dying man, or the unflinching severity of the priest, is hard to say.

      “I die in peace with all my neighbors and all mankind!”

      Another chorus of the company seemed to approve these charitable expressions.

      “I bequeath unto my son Peter, – and never was there a better son, or a decenter boy! – have you that down? I bequeath unto my son Peter the whole of my two farms of Killimundoonery and Knocksheboora, with the fallow meadows behind Lynch’s house; the forge, and the right of turf on the Dooran bog. I give him, and much good may it do him, Lanty Cassara’s acre, and the Luary field, with the limekiln; and that reminds me that my mouth is just as dry; let me taste what ye have in the jug.” Here the dying man took a very hearty pull, and seemed considerably refreshed by it. “Where was I, Billy Scanlan?” says he; “oh, I remember, at the limekiln; I leave him – that’s Peter, I mean – the two potato-gardens at Noonan’s Well; and it is the elegant fine crops grows there.”

      “An’t you gettin’ wake, father, darlin’?” says Peter, who began to be afraid of my father’s loquaciousness; for, to say the truth, the punch got into his head, and he was greatly disposed to talk.

      “I am, Peter, my son,” says he; “I am getting wake; just touch my lips again with the jug. Ah, Peter, Peter, you watered the drink!”

      “No, indeed, father; but it’s the taste is leavin’ you,” says Peter; and again a low chorus of compassionate pity murmured through the cabin.

      “Well, I’m nearly done now,” says my father; “there’s only one little plot of ground remaining; and I put it on you, Peter, – as ye wish to live a good man, and die with the same easy heart I do now, – that ye mind my last words to ye here. Are ye listening? Are the neighbors listening? Is Billy Scanlan listening?”

      “Yes, sir. Yes, father. We’re all minding,” chorused the audience.

      “Well, then, it’s my last will and testament, and may – Give me over the jug.” Here he took a long drink. “And may that blessed liquor be poison to me if I ‘m not as eager about this as every other part of my will. I say, then, I bequeath the little plot at the cross-roads to poor Con Cre-gan; for he has a heavy charge, and is as honest and as hard-working a man as ever I knew. Be a friend to him, Peter, dear; never let him want while ye have it yourself; think of me on my death-bed whenever he asks ye for any trifle. Is it down, Billy Scanlan? the two acres at the cross to Con Cregan and his heirs in secla seclorum. Ah, blessed be the saints! but I feel my heart lighter after that,” says he; “a good work makes an easy conscience. And now I ‘ll drink all the company’s good health, and many happy returns – ”

      What he was going to add, there ‘s no saying; but Peter, who was now terribly frightened at the lively tone the sick man was assuming, hurried all the people away into another room, to let his father die in peace.

      When they were all gone Peter slipped back to my father, who was putting on his brogues in a corner. “Con,” says he, “ye did it all well; but sure that was a joke about the two acres at the cross.”

      “Of course it was, Peter,” says he; “sure it was all a joke, for the matter of that. Won’t I make the neighbors laugh hearty to-morrow when I tell them all about it!”

      “You wouldn’t be mean enough to betray me?” says Peter, trembling with fright.

      “Sure ye would n’t be mean enough to go against yer father’s dying words,” says my father, – “the last sentence ever he spoke? And here he gave a low, wicked laugh, that made myself shake with fear.

      “Very well, Con!” says Peter, holding out his hand; “a bargain’s a bargain; yer a deep fellow, that’s all!” And so it ended; and my father slipped quietly home over the bog, mighty well satisfied with the legacy he left himself.

      And thus we became the owners of the little spot known to this day as Con’s Acre; of which, more hereafter.

      CHAPTER II. ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER

My father’s prosperity had the usual effect it has on similar cases

      It lifted him into a different sphere of companionship and suggested new habits of life. No longer necessitated to labor daily for his bread, by a very slight exercise of industry he could cultivate his “potato-garden;” and every one who knows anything of Ireland well knows that the potato and its corollary, the pig, supply every want of an Irish cottier household.

      Being thus at liberty to dispose of himself and his time, my parent was enabled to practise a long-desired and much-coveted mode of life; which was to frequent “sheebeens” and alehouses, and all similar places of resort, – not, indeed, for the gratification of any passion for drink, for my father only indulged when he was “treated,” and never could bring himself to spend a farthing in liquor himself, but his great fondness for these places took its origin in his passion for talk. Never, indeed, lived there a man – from Lord Brougham himself downwards – who had a greater taste for gossip and loquaciousness than my father. It mattered little what the subject, he was always ready; and whether it were a crim. con. in the newspapers, a seizure for rent, a marriage in high life, or a pig in the pound, – there he was, explaining away all difficult terms of law and jurisprudence; and many a difficulty that Tom Cafferty, the postmaster, had attempted in vain to solve was, by a kind of “writ of error,” removed to my father’s court for explanation and decision.

      That he soon became a kind of authority in the neighboring town of Kilbeggan need not excite any surprise. It is men of precisely his kind, and with talents of an order very similar to his, that wield influence in the great cities of the earth. It is your talking, pushing, forward men, seeming always confident in what they say, never acknowledging an error nor confessing a defeat, who take the lead in life. With average ability, and ten times the average assurance, they reach the goal that bashful merit never even so much as gets within sight of.

      His chief resort, however, was the Court of Quarter Sessions, where he sat from the first opening case to the last judgment, watching with an intense interest all the vacillating changes of the law’s uncertainty, which unquestionably were not in any way diminished by the singular individual who presided in that seat of justice. Simon Ball, or, as he was better known at the bar, Snow Ball, – an epithet he owed to his white head and eyebrows, – had qualified himself for the Bench by improving upon the proverbial attribute of justice. He was not only blind but deaf. For something like forty-five years he had walked the hall of the Four Courts with an empty bag, and a head scarcely more encumbered, when one morning – no one could guess why – the “Gazette” announced that the Lord Lieutenant had appointed him to the vacant chairmanship of Westmeath, – a promotion which had the effect of confounding all political animosity by its perfect unaccountableness.

      It is a law of Nature that nothing ever goes to loss. Bad wine will make very tolerable vinegar; spoiled hay is converted into good manure; and so, a very middling lawyer often drops down into a very respectable judge. Had the gods but acknowledged Mr. Ball’s abilities some years earlier, doubtless he had been an exception to the theory.

      They waited, however, so long that both sight and hearing were in abeyance when the promotion came. It seemed to rally him, however, this act of recognition, although late. It was a kind of corroboration of the self-estimate of a long life, and he prepared to show the world that he was very different from what they took him for. No men have the bump of self-esteem like lawyers; they live, and grow old, and die, always fancying that Holts, and Hales, and Mansfields are hid within the unostentatious exterior of their dusty garments; and that the wit that dazzles, and the pathos that thrills, are all rusting inside, just for want of a little of that cheering encouragement by which their contemporaries are clad in silk and walk in high places.