The Doctor's Christmas Eve. Allen James Lane

fixed solely upon the drama of the physician's public service to it; for the members of his own family is reserved acquaintance with the drama of his devotion to himself. Well for him and well for them if they do not misunderstand!

      Each of Dr. Birney's children responded to the attraction of a phase of his life – the phase that appealed to a leading trait in each.

      From the time of the little girl's beginning to observe her father she was influenced by what looked to her like his self-love: his care about what he ate and drank; his changing of his clothes whenever he came home, whether they were drenched or were dry; his constant washing of his hands; all this pageant of self-adulation mirrored itself in her consciousness. When he was away from home, she could still follow him by her mother's solicitude for his comfort and safety. To Elsie's mother the ill were not so much a source of anxiety as a husband who was perfectly well; and thus there had been built up in Elsie herself the domineering idea that her father was the all-important personage in the neighborhood as a consequence of thinking chiefly of himself. Selfishness in her reached out and twined itself like a tendril about selfishness in him; and she proceeded to lift herself up and grow by this vital bond.

      Too young to transmit this resemblance, she did what she could to pass it on to the next generation: she handed it down and disseminated it in her doll-house. There was something terrifying and grim and awful in the fatalistic accuracy with which Elsie reproduced her father's selfishness among her dolls, because it was on a mimic scale what is going on all over the world: the weaving by children's fingers of parental designs long perpetuated in the tapestry of Nature; the same old looms, the same old threads, the same old designs – but new fingers.

      One of the dolls was known as "the doctor"; the others were the members of his family and his domestics. This puppet was a perfect child-image of the god of self-idolatry, as set up in the person of a certain Dr. Downs Birney, and as observed by his very loyal and most affectionate and highly amused daughter Elsie.

      One day the doctor, quietly passing the opened door of the nursery, saw Elsie on the floor with her back turned to him faithfully copying and dramatizing some of the daily scenes of his professional life. His eyes shone with humor as he looked on; but there was sadness in them as he turned silently away.

      With the boy it was otherwise. The earliest notion of his father the boy had grasped was that of always travelling toward the sick – to a world that needed him. All the roads of the neighborhood – turnpikes, lanes, carriage-tracks, wagon-tracks, foot-paths – met at his father's house; if you followed any one of them long enough, sooner or later you would reach some one who was sick.

      When he was quite young his father began to take him in his buggy on his circuits; and at every house where they stopped, he witnessed this never-ending drama of need and aid. Such countenances people had as they followed his father out to the buggy where he was holding the reins! Such happy faces – or so sad, so sad! Souls hanging on his father's word as though life went on with it or went to pieces with it. Actually his father had no business of his own: he merely drove about and enabled other people to attend to their business! He one day asked him why he did not sometimes do something for himself and the family!

      Thus a leading trait in him gripped that branch of his father's life where hung his service to others; and by this vital bond it lifted itself up and began to flourish in its long travel toward maturity. He literally took hold of his father, as a social implement, by the well-worn handle of common use.

      His presence in the buggy with his father was not incidental; it was the doctor's design. He wished to have the boy along during these formative years in order that he might get the right start toward the great things of life as these one by one begin to break in upon the attention of a growing boy. The doctor wanted to be the first to talk with him – the first to sow the right suggestions: it was one of his sayings that the earliest suggestions rooted in the mind of the child will be the final things to drop from the dying man's brain: what goes in first comes out last.

      And so there began to be many conversations; incredible questions; answers not always forthcoming. And a series of revelations ensued; the boy revealing his growth to a watchful father, and a father revealing his life to a very watchful son! These revelations began to look like mile-stones on life's road, marked with further understandings.

      Thus, one day when the boy was a good deal younger than now, his father had come home and had gotten ready to go away again and was sitting before the fire, looking gravely into it and taking solitary counsel about some desperate case, as the country doctor must often do. Being a very little fellow then, he had straddled one of his father's mighty legs and had balanced himself by resting his hands on his father's mighty shoulders.

      "Is somebody very sick?"

      The head under the weather-roughened hat nodded silently.

      "I wonder how it happens that all the sick are in our neighborhood."

      A smile flitted across the doctor's mouth.

      "The sick are in all neighborhoods, little wonderer."

      He said this cheerfully. It was his idea – and he tried to enforce it at home – that young children must never, if possible, make the acquaintance of the words bad and sad– nor of the realities that are masked behind them. He especially believed that what the old are familiar with as life's tragic laws ought never to be told to children as tragic: what is inevitable should never be presented to them as misfortunes.

      Therefore he now declared that the sick are in all neighborhoods as he might have stated that there are wings on all birds, or leaves on all growing apple trees.

      "Not all over the world?" asked the boy, enlarging his vision in space.

      "All over the world," admitted the doctor with entire cheerfulness; the fact was a matter of no consequence.

      "Not all the time?" asked the boy, enlarging his outlook in time.

      "All the time! All over the world and all the time!" conceded the doctor, as though this made not the slightest difference to a human being.

      "Isn't there a single minute when everybody is well everywhere?"

      "Not a single, solitary minute."

      "Then somebody must always be suffering."

      The doctor nodded again; the matter was not worth speaking of.

      "Then somebody else must always be sorry."

      The doctor bowed encouragingly.

      "Then I am sorry, too!"

      This time the doctor did not move his head, and he did not open his lips. He saw that a new moment had arrived in the boy's growth – a consciousness of the universal tragedy and personal share and sorrow in it. He knew that many people never feel this; some feel it late; a few feel it early; he had always said that children should never feel it. He knew also that when once it has begun, it never ends. Nothing ever banishes it or stills it – that perception of the human tragedy and one's share and sorrow in it.

      He did not welcome its appearance now, in his son least of all. For an instant he charged himself with having made a mistake in taking the child along on his visits to the sick, thus making known too early the dark side of happy neighborhood life. Then he went further back and traced this premature seriousness to its home and its beginning: in prenatal depression – in a mother's anguish and a wife's despair. It was a bitter retrospect: it kept him brooding.

      The chatter was persistent. A hand was stretched up, and it took hold of his chin and shook it: —

      "There ought to be a country where nobody suffers and there ought to be a time; a large country and a long time."

      "There is such a country and there is such a time, Herbert," said the doctor, now with some sadness.

      "Then I'll warrant you it's part of the United States," cried the boy, getting his idea of mortality slightly mixed with his early Americanism. "Texas would hold them, wouldn't it? Don't you think Texas could contain them all and contain them forever?"

      The doctor laughed and seemed to think enough had been said on the subject of large enough graveyards for the race.

      "Why don't