The bull and the butterfly. Alla Krasnova

asked for her middle name, and for some reason she answered: «The void». This dream conveyed Eve’s fears, which she herself did not realize. And these fears broke out from the subconscious. Eve was always afraid of this emptiness and felt a blood connection with it, as if she was its daughter, its offspring. That’s why Eva was afraid to be happy, because happiness empties, happiness drowns out the hum of the universe, which can only be obtained together with suffering. Eva condemned herself to suffer, because only through suffering could she give something to art and take something from it, and oddly enough, this is her complex happiness and even more – the goal of life.

      In the dream, Eva saw herself in a bright red evening dress with a huge train. Eva saw herself from the outside, as if she were an actress. She ran up the stairs and kept turning around, smiling at someone. Eve felt alluring. Eve loved her face. Before the hormonal changes that occurred in her body, her face was considered very cute, almost beautiful. Eva herself thought it was beautiful, because in her youth she was very narcissistic. She had known from birth thatshe was destined for a special fate here on Pl Aneta. Only at first she didn’t know which one. But as she grew older, Eva began to realize that it was the filmmaking profession that gave her the power she wanted. Power over the world of your illusions.

      Already starting to gradually move away from sleep, the idea was already spinning in Eva’s head that she should call Lenochka and tell her that in their в performance one of the main characters will be a woman in a red dress, a ghost woman symbolizing great love. And Eva also thought that we should order a spiral staircase that will stand on the stage during the performance.

      Eva saw the whole world through the prism of aesthetics. She looked for inspiration and found it everywhere, including in her dreams. Eva liked to sleep, but only because she worked even in her sleep. Sleep was a work process for her. Eve knew that a clever idea or a good image could come at any moment. Inspiration can come when she goes shopping, cooks herself eggs, sleeps, or remembers the events of days gone by. Eve knew this, but it was remembering that she dreaded the most, because she could suffer not because of what had happened to her in life, but because of what had not happened in her life. Along with the memories came the realization of that. That she’d missed a lot of life, maybe missed life itself. Missed opportunities tore at her soul. Eve was acutely aware that she didn’t like her, didn’t make it as a mother, and was a bad daughter. She missed these opportunities.

      Eve turns her head and looks at her watch. Looking at the clock often, Eva is particularly acutely aware that there is less and less time left. Before, she was rushing him, but now she wants to stop him, to feel the charm of life slipping away. But it cannot be stopped in life, it can only be stopped in the play. But in real life, it ticks, ticks, ticks. Seconds remind Eve of seeds, which she mercilessly nibbles with her teeth. Once, when Eve was a little girl, she had held up a chair and broken off the hands of the clock that hung in their living room. But despite this, time continued to pass, and this was the first significant discovery in her life. There are no arrows. But they are still ticking, time is still inexorably moving forward. When Eve thinks about time, she can’t think about the performance. Therefore, she turns off the time in her head and often turns off her head in general. She’d noticed long ago that it was easier to work with her head turned off. Because the soul begins to think. The head and time often prevent the soul from living in full force.

      Eva came up with a ghost woman in a red dress, and in the play one of the main roles belongs to forty men who represent the forty days after the death of love. Eva hasn’t figured out how to put it all together yet, butshe knows that theиwhole picture will come back to her later. And when she clicks the seeds, she already feels the illumination coming. Eva hasnodoubt that the play will be ready on time. It is as if he is created by himself, and she only helps him to be born into the world. Like a midwife at birth.

      Most of all, Eva likes the early morning, which comes around five o’clock in the morning. It’s a magical time for Eve. Usually at this time, when she is awake, she goes to the window to salute the newday that is emerging before her eyes like an ordinary officer. Eva serves every day of her life that she devotes to art.And her own life is measured not in the years she has lived, but in the performances she has createdва.

      6

      «If I come back tomorrow and this hole isn’t patched up yet, I’ll be very angry,» Eve saysin a voice that rings with the energy of discontent. Eva points to the floor, which has been breached by workers installing a spiral staircase on the stage. – Of course, I understand that the scene is feminine, but not to the same extent that it has such pronounced sexual slits. This, gentlemen, is already called pornography. And here we are doing art, and only sometimes pornography. So when I come back tomorrow, don’t let her be here. It throws me off the pace of my thinking, «she says, raising an eyebrow.

      Eva generally jokes vulgarly and often laughs like a man, at her jokes. She can walk on stage в стороны with her arms outstretched and say, «Well, who else wants to try the commissar’s body?» It’s a joke, all her jokes are like that, and everyone laughs at them, because it’s Eve. She can easily approach some young actress with good forms and, looking into her cleavage, ask: «Well, how much is a kilogram of breasts today?». Everything is forgiven to her, but Eve does not let her get close to her, ordinary mortals should always know the distance and observe it, they should know what is usually expressed in the words: «Where are you, and where am I?» This can also be expressed и in the following phrases: «Admiral Nakhimov» and a small motor boat, Mother Earth and dust on the windowsill, the Queen and her subjects, as well as other comparisonsthat emphasize her importance. She is, of course, always the first, and everyone else is the second, which can change depending on her mood. But even so, everyone loves her, because the monarch is strict, but fair.

      The workers know that Eva has a brilliant, profane Russian, sothey don’t knowwhat to expect if the hole isn’t repaired in time. But in fact, Eve doesn’t really care about this hole that only recently appeared. Eva just wants to say something, listen to her voice, expressherself. She feels a desire totalk and be listened to at the same time. She wants to play the role of a rebellious and angry woman, and she gives herself this role. She lets herself do it. If it hadn’t been for this hole, Eve would have found something to complain about. At the very least, she would have made this hole herself, and then spent a long time asking about who created it.

      – Eva AlekSandrovna, I wanted to discuss with vami the candidacy of a friend of mine who wants to try his hand at extras, – says Elona, who waited until Eva quieted down a little.

      Elona thinksthat Eva has already let off her steam, so now it will be possible to ask her for a favor, and she is unlikely to refuse. Sure, it’s humiliating for Elona to ask Eva to do anything, but it’s even more humiliating for her – to spend the rest of her life away from the capital. Therefore, Elon is not long, just for one conversation with Eve humbles pride.

      – Andwhere do we hire these acquaintances?? Eva says in a hoarse voice, still on stage, as if casually. – Is your boyfriend, or as the young people say now, a fucker? Eve looks around slyly, hoping that there will be people willing to appreciate her sharp tongue.

      «No,» Elona says rather harshly, also stepping onto the stagewhere Eve is standing. «A friend of the heart, let’s just say,» she adds, trying to hide her resentment at Eve’s overindulgence. Elona tries to contain her annoyance.

      «I think I’m still a friend of some other organ,» Eve continues in her usual jovial, dismissive tone. «And not that much of a friend lately, judging by your nervousness,«she adds with a grin. «What kind of friend?» Moloda? Sexy? Talented? Active? She narrows her eyes theatrically.

      «He’s twenty – three,» Elona says, not sure how she should answer Eve’s question. – Well, yes, he has good data.

      «I don’t care about that data,» Eve smiles, pacing the stage. «The main thing for me is that my legs are nice and my ass, is like a nut,» she laughs, because she likes to provoke Elona