Kashi. Daniela Jodorf

      Paul looked around the lobby.

      “A lady. She is sitting in the left corner back there.”

      Paul´s heart started palpitating. He still moved like in a trance. Everything seemed bigger, louder, faster, stronger. His nerves seemed to be extremely sensitive, and he felt the need to retire to his room alone. “Is it her”, he asked himself, when he thanked the concierge and walked in the direction he had pointed to. “It must be her.” It was her.

      She sat on a brown couch and watched everything very attentively. Long before he had approached her seating corner she had spotted him and got up. She did not smile; in fact, her expression was very serious. Paul´s heart was still beating up to his throat and he could not think clearly.

      “Did you get my card?” he asked feeling like a fool.

      She ignored his question. “I have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

      He was not sure if her statement was intended to be an accusation. How could that be? Did she leave the Konzerthaus long before him?

      “I came here right away. I have given my card to one of the security guards at the back entrance. I needed to see you after this… after this… experience.”

      She sat back down, and he walked around one of the huge sofas and sat across from her, not quite sure if she approved. She was so self-confident again, that it felt almost rude and arrogant. Her behavior definitely made him feel insecure and stupid, like a little boy who had come to school too late. Paul was sure that her way of communicating followed different rules than the ordinary. But he was too slow to figure out how he was supposed to talk to her. She looked at him silently, with a calm mind and a calm heart. He was unable to read her thoughts. He could not figure out if she liked or disliked him. She seemed totally neutral, neither sympathizing nor disapproving. He could hardly bear the silence, but he forced himself not to talk first. She was not fighting with him, not trying to struggle him down in a game of power. No, she was just looking at him, watching him closely, as if she had a question in her mind that needed to be answered before she would talk again. The waiter was his rescue.

      “Would you like a drink, Sir?”

      “May I”, he asked, noticing that she had a glass in front of her.

      She nodded, still not smiling and granting him relief from his inner tension.

      “A gin tonic, please", he ordered. She did not show any reaction, neither approval nor disapproval. Paul was confused, almost losing the ability to know what he wanted.

      The waiter sensed his hesitation. “A gin tonic, Sir?”

      “Yes, please.”

      When the waiter had left, she finally started to talk. “How was your time in Berlin?”

      “Interesting. Different. Scary. More aware - like you have foretold.”

      “Any daydreams or visions?”

      How could she know? He got scared. He wanted to run. But again he forced himself to calm, to relax and to wait what would happen. He was not in control of this conversation, he knew. But he also knew that he had to stay and go through this.

      “Yes.”

      “What kind?”

      Paul hesitated. He did not really want to talk about this.

      “I am sorry, Mrs. Garin, but I am not sure if I want to talk about this. I hardly know you!"

      Now she smiled for the first time this evening. It was a beautiful, bright and innocent smile that reflected the same artlessness that he had noticed at the beginning of the concert.

      She took a deep breath before she answered. "Of course you don´t know, if you can trust me, Paul. But you don´t have to. You just have to be a little curious and you should have liked my music."

      Paul swallowed heavily, feeling eased again by the presence of the waiter, who brought his drink. He needed time before he was able to take the glass and drink with her.

      “What do you want from me”, he asked bluntly, sounding ruder than he intended to.

      “Nothing!” was her immediate and surprising answer.

      “Why have you talked to me in SoHo and why are you here now?”

      “Do you really want to know?”

      “Absolutely!”

      “Please, correct me if I am wrong… You are a very successful, internationally renowned composer and violoncello player. You have won several prices and you teach at Juilliard School. You are divorced and you have felt more and more dissatisfied with your work lately. You have discovered your loneliness and the need to be seen and heard beyond normal acknowledgment. You often feel misunderstood by your audience and you have been searching for ways to change the perception of the people who listen to your music. But there you have come to a limit, an invisible barrier that you can not cross…”

      “How do you know?” he asked staggered by the accuracy of her description.

      “I have felt your need…" An expression of worry, kindness, and empathy flew over her face.

      “You have felt my need? I don´t understand.”

      „I have seen you. There was a feeling of despair around you, of hopelessness and the impulse to grow, to learn, to climb higher on the ladder of evolution…”

      “You have visions of other people and you know who they are and where to find them?” Paul could not believe what he heard.

      She laughed. “Not always. I only see people who need my support, who are in syntony with me and the path I represent.”

      He felt like a parrot when he repeated: "You are representing a path? What kind of path?"

      “Listen, Paul. I know that this sounds weird to you, but I really just want to help. I was called to talk to you and show you a way out of a painful life situation, to open the door to an opportunity. But you cannot choose this with your intellect, with reason and logic. You can only choose it intuitively. Your experiences here in Berlin may help you to decide. Life has a lesson to teach you. Are you curious enough to find out, which lesson and courageous enough to overcome many obstacles?”

      Her words triggered the memory of thoughts he had had only a few days ago. This whole situation was strange, but for a moment Paul was absolutely sure, that he was in syntony with her. She was familiar to him. And the more he relaxed and listened to her words without defense, the more she felt like a long lost benevolent friend.

      “Your music…” Paul wanted to describe his feelings during her concert, but it was difficult for him to find the right words. “Your music spoke to me. I mean, I could understand every image you were drawing, every single feeling, each experience you described. I saw innocence and humility, I saw the desire to grow, the need to leave the old, I experienced courage and curiosity, I was confronted with obstacles and despair, with setbacks and doubts, with fear of the new and unknown. I met trust, faith and the ability to let go and then I was carried into a space of luminosity, of pure bliss which dissolved into peace and emptiness. I knew that you were talking about a spiritual journey, but I had no idea why I knew this. I have never come in touch with spirituality.”

      Her entire look changed, while she listened to his helpless attempt to explain his experiences. She did not show if he had interpreted her music according to her intentions. But she seemed to like what she heard. Her expression now showed a mild and kind interest and Paul realized that beneath her coolness, her detachment, there was a warm and loving nature. When he saw this, his fear vanished completely. For the first time, he felt something like sympathy for Karen Garin. Yes, he began to like her. Obviously, she knew of things, that he had never heard, never even dreamed of.

      “Do you want to walk this path?" she asked with a warm, full voice. "Do you have the courage to walk towards the unknown, where suffering and pain are the thickest walls you will have to break through and in the end,