A Chinese cookbook for happiness and success. Nadine Koerner

to be defined in terms of interpersonal connectedness and happiness is best predicted by how well embedded the self is in a social network.^[8]

      And now the good news: no matter how one defines happiness, it is limitless. Just as someone’s bad mood can be passed on, happiness may be a collective phenomenon too. So having a happy friend, who lives within a mile of you, appears to increase the probability that you will be happy as well. Just as some diseases are contagious, happiness can be too.

      Also, success, just like happiness, means different things to different people. Consequently there is no clear-cut, universal definition of success.

      Some define it through quantifiable constant self-improvements over skill sets, scientific knowledge and progressive self-development. Some define it by how much money they make. Others define it by their career path and corresponding title.

      From its Latin origin the word ‘success’ actually means "to advance" or "to progress" which implies that success is not "something" you get at the end, but a process that has very little to do with the end result. From this point of view success is what will improve your life as it is what moves you forward to a better experience of life.

      And it is up to you what kind of experience you want out of life.

      You are in the driver seat. You are the cook in the kitchen. So choose the right recipe for your own happiness and success.

      1.3 Following the trend towards sustainability: Sustainable happiness and success

      For most people, happiness is just like a single sun ray, passing quickly. Sustainable happiness, however, is happiness that lasts, not only seconds, minutes, but for every day. That is what most people want. Happiness forever after… as it is so nicely superimposed in so many fairy tales. In positive psychology this is illustrated in a formula as:

      H = S + C + V

      This means: enduring/sustainable Happiness (H) = Set Point (S) + Circumstances (C) + factors under Voluntary Control (V).^[9]

      The happiness set point refers to the situation when nothing extremely happy or sad happens, it is determined to some degree by our genes. According to researchers, the set points makes up 50% of our happiness, while circumstances 10% and factors under voluntary control, meaning the activities we choose to do, make up 40%. Consequently, in order to increase happiness and step towards sustainable happiness it is necessary to have some recipes to raise the set point and influence the factors under voluntary control positively, which means choosing activities which contribute to our happiness! Only 10 % of our happiness might be out of our control, so it is up to us to be happy, it is our choice! So if you want happiness to be sustainable and ‘forever after’, you have to make it to your predominant state of mind, which can be achieved by changing your overall attitude with the help of the recipes in chapter 4.

      When it comes to success, most people lose sight of the real reason why they actually want to be successful. Many assume, once they get all those ‘things’, referred to as ‘status symbols’ or ‘success symbols’, like a penthouse in Manhattan, a yacht in Miami Beach and a Ferrari in their garage, they can consider themselves as successful and then they will feel happy! Well… for a short time. Until a friend has got a newer and bigger yacht and the Ferrari has got scratches making it look second-hand. Surely most of your desires will be obtainable within your lifetime but this no guarantee that you will be happy and fulfilled. Therefore it is necessary to strive for sustainable success.

      What is sustainable success? Sustainable success is inexhaustible and consistent. For you to have success that is sustainable you have to develop a new mindset to focus on what you must become to attract that which you want. That means you can either obtain success or you can become it. The mindset is very different, because adopting the mentality of creating lasting success, of becoming sustainable, starts with realizing that success is a feeling! Yes, success is actually one kind of feeling. So when you are making that feeling part of who you are, especially with help of the recipes in chapter 4.3 and 4.4, you will never be without success again.

      1.4 The relationship between happiness and success

      When it comes to the relationship between happiness and success, most people assume that success leads to happiness. There are quite a lot of ancient stories from Asia about happiness and success and one of them goes like this:

      A woman came out of her home and saw three old men with long beards who sat before her garden. She did not know them and said:

      —I don’t think I know you, but you may be hungry, so please come in and have something to eat.

      They asked:

      —Is the man of the house there? —No, she answered, he is not yet here. -Then we cannot enter, they said.

      In the evening, when the husband arrived, she told him what happened.

      —Tell them that I already arrived and invite them to come in’, said her husband.

      The woman came out to invite the men to enter her house and be their guests.

      —We cannot enter a house the three together, answered the old men. —Why?, she wanted to know.

      One of the men pointed to other of his friends and explained:

      —His name is Wealth. Then pointing to the other one: —His name is Success and I am called Love. Now go in and decide with your husband which one of the three you wish to invite to your home.

      The woman entered her home and told her husband what they said. The man became happy:

      —How good! Le us invite Wealth, so that he enters and fills our home.

      However his wife shook her head and disagreed:

      —Dear, why don't we invite Success?

      The couple's daughter was listening from the other corner of the house and came running:

      —Wouldn't it be better to invite Love? Our home would then be full of love. —The husband nodded: Good, let’s take our daughter's advice into account, go out and invite Love to be our guest.

      The wife came out and asked:

      —Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.

      Love stood up and started to walk towards the house. The other ones stood up and followed. Surprised the lady asked Wealth and Success:

      —I invited only Love, why do you too come in?

      The old men answered together:

      —If you had invited Wealth or Success the other ones would have stayed outside, but since you invited Love, where he goes, we also go with him. Wherever there is love, there is also wealth and success.^[10]

      The discussion about the relationship between happiness and success goes on. Most people want to be successful in life. And of course, everyone wants to be happy. When it comes to the pursuit of success and happiness, most people assume the same formula: ‘if I work hard, I will become successful, and once I become successful, then I'll be happy.’ The only problem is that research in the field of positive psychology has proven that this formula is not correct. Success does not cause happiness.

      It is rather like in the story above… love is the key to wealth and success, and so is happiness.

      Happy people, all those who experience a predominance of positive emotions, tend to be successful and accomplished across various areas in life. Why? Simply because an individual experiencing a positive mood and emotion is usually encountering circumstances that he or she interprets as looked-for. In these circumstances, people are most likely to expand their resources and friendships and to take the opportunity to build their repertoire of skills for future use and work actively toward achieving new goals.

      Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will